l was the one that was sad and angry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 15
l was the one that was sad and angry
l went ahead and kicked my spouse out knowing l had to because of all the problems he was creating and knowing that he was lying, cheating, stealing,drinking way too much etc. This week, he would come back and bang at the door every so often and l would not answer all of the time and when l did, he would say he was a busy man and leave after he got what he came for.
l know what l did was good for my own health and sanity. lt is the first time that l have actually stood up for myself and did something to stop the pattern of abuse before it went too far and for once l did not back down.
One week has gone by tonight and l am really feeling sad. l think the shock of all of this has worn off and reality has hit. The house is so silent now without him and the reasons for kicking him out were very valid but that does not stop my feelings from being hurt.
l miss him and l guess because l am tired l must be feeling it more, but l miss him and it makes me sad to know he is with someone else right now, when only weeks ago he was here and we were together. l just don't understand why this all happened because l really thought he loved me. l m sorry for writing this, l guess l am being sentimental and should get off and maybe have a good cry and go to bed and tomorrow will be a better day.
Chelle
l know what l did was good for my own health and sanity. lt is the first time that l have actually stood up for myself and did something to stop the pattern of abuse before it went too far and for once l did not back down.
One week has gone by tonight and l am really feeling sad. l think the shock of all of this has worn off and reality has hit. The house is so silent now without him and the reasons for kicking him out were very valid but that does not stop my feelings from being hurt.
l miss him and l guess because l am tired l must be feeling it more, but l miss him and it makes me sad to know he is with someone else right now, when only weeks ago he was here and we were together. l just don't understand why this all happened because l really thought he loved me. l m sorry for writing this, l guess l am being sentimental and should get off and maybe have a good cry and go to bed and tomorrow will be a better day.
Chelle
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
No need to apologize; your feelings are very much the same as mine were. It takes a long time to heal after anyone ends a relationship--even one that wasn't healthy. I asked my boyfriend to move out a little over two years ago and while I've moved on with my life for the most part, I still have days where I miss him terribly and the sadness overwhelms me. Richard didn't lie to me (other than about how much he drank), abuse me emotionally or physically, cheat on me, or steal from me. He wasn't a bad person. He was an alcoholic. But that doesn't mean he was good for me.
In time, you'll have more good days than bad. I promise.
In time, you'll have more good days than bad. I promise.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Chelle, I wish I could give you a hug. It was a very difficult time for me, too, even though it was the right thing to do. Apologizing for feelings isn't necessary. It may be of small comfort now but I promise you, too, that things will get better.
p.s. I cried for weeks.
p.s. I cried for weeks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 15
Today he asked if he could come and see me and talk. l asked him what about and he said he had been at the Police Station all day from 8 am until 3 pm being questioned about stolen tools.
He asked me what l knew about it. l asked him where he had been staying and he did not want to answer and then l asked if he had a new girlfriend and he said yes. l asked for how long and he would not answer. l started to cry because he promised he would love me. l told me that if he loved me how could he just up and leave me for someone else after all that we went through together and of course he shifted the blame of the break up to me.
Because l kept kicking him out. Because l would not let him in the house at all hours when he was so drunk he could not walk. Because he would be out, not telling me where he had been and expect that it was okay that l was waiting up for him and listen to the lies spewing out of his mouth, never getting the same answer twice, getting angry telling me to go f*** myself.
All my fault. Always my fault. he never did anything wrong, never took responsibility for his actions. Only what l did wrong to ruin our relationship and our happiness together. Just another kick in the head is what he tried to do to me.
l told him that this was not my fault. l did the best l could under the circumstances and made this a wonderful home and it was HE who forgot that it was a home, not a shelter to just come and pass a few hours and then get up and drink and leave again to go dissapear so no one knew where he was or who he was with.
He was calling from a friend's house for privacy to talk so his girlfriend did not hear, so he could get me to allow him to come over and l told him ABSOLUTELY NOT, his place was with her, that is who he chose over me, so that is where he goes now, not here. l just said there is no reasons to come here again.
lt took everything out of me to say that because just hearing his voice just broke my heart all over again. l wanted to hear him say he loved me and wanted me back and was going to get help knowing that this is all it took for us to get back together again instead of drinking so much. l wanted to hear those words so bad.
l just wanted him to say he was coming home and that he knew he could not let me go and l was worth more then the booze, but the words never came.
l held the phone tight in my hand praying he would tell me he loved me and needed help and l would be the first person there but the words never came.
He just said Bye and hung up. And my world fell apart again, knowing he is gone now and no matter how l tried to help him nothing worked and in the end, it was me who lost and tonight he is in the arms of another.
l sure hope this pain lessens soon, Chelle
He asked me what l knew about it. l asked him where he had been staying and he did not want to answer and then l asked if he had a new girlfriend and he said yes. l asked for how long and he would not answer. l started to cry because he promised he would love me. l told me that if he loved me how could he just up and leave me for someone else after all that we went through together and of course he shifted the blame of the break up to me.
Because l kept kicking him out. Because l would not let him in the house at all hours when he was so drunk he could not walk. Because he would be out, not telling me where he had been and expect that it was okay that l was waiting up for him and listen to the lies spewing out of his mouth, never getting the same answer twice, getting angry telling me to go f*** myself.
All my fault. Always my fault. he never did anything wrong, never took responsibility for his actions. Only what l did wrong to ruin our relationship and our happiness together. Just another kick in the head is what he tried to do to me.
l told him that this was not my fault. l did the best l could under the circumstances and made this a wonderful home and it was HE who forgot that it was a home, not a shelter to just come and pass a few hours and then get up and drink and leave again to go dissapear so no one knew where he was or who he was with.
He was calling from a friend's house for privacy to talk so his girlfriend did not hear, so he could get me to allow him to come over and l told him ABSOLUTELY NOT, his place was with her, that is who he chose over me, so that is where he goes now, not here. l just said there is no reasons to come here again.
lt took everything out of me to say that because just hearing his voice just broke my heart all over again. l wanted to hear him say he loved me and wanted me back and was going to get help knowing that this is all it took for us to get back together again instead of drinking so much. l wanted to hear those words so bad.
l just wanted him to say he was coming home and that he knew he could not let me go and l was worth more then the booze, but the words never came.
l held the phone tight in my hand praying he would tell me he loved me and needed help and l would be the first person there but the words never came.
He just said Bye and hung up. And my world fell apart again, knowing he is gone now and no matter how l tried to help him nothing worked and in the end, it was me who lost and tonight he is in the arms of another.
l sure hope this pain lessens soon, Chelle
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Buffalo NY
Posts: 105
chelle, dont look for it to all stop hurting right away. Instead, look for little improvements as the time goes by. Like an entire day where you dont want to call him. Or a night where you completely dont think about what he's doing. But be prepared for a few setbacks along the way. For example, I was starting to see progress in myself these past few weeks, but then tonight the XAGF text messaged me asking if I still had her winter jacket she left behind. Instead of responding, I chose to ignore sending a reply. I will contact her back when/if I feel like it.
Get it? Baby steps!
Get it? Baby steps!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
No the hurt doesn't go away right away. Heavens, you are mourning the loss of so much of course it hurts! But with time and work, the pain do lessen. I've been gone 3 months now and the pain still comes in for a visit now and then. I know it will continue to as I work on me and my own issues and as I go forward with the process of getting a divorce. I accept the pain as part of the healing process (one I could do without) at least in part becasue the nature of the pain keeps changing. As I work though one issue, another comes to the front and causes new pain. But the older pain goes away. I am learning through it all.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
