furious!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 405
Wow. Great, thoughtful responses!
Denny, Minnie, Jeri, Chrisea, and Buffalo, your thoughts are very helpful. I guess at some point you have to stop being the victim and start taking it as a learning experience, rather then just being bitter about it.
Dollydo, I like that graphic! (sorry guys, baby steps, right?)
Denny, Minnie, Jeri, Chrisea, and Buffalo, your thoughts are very helpful. I guess at some point you have to stop being the victim and start taking it as a learning experience, rather then just being bitter about it.
Dollydo, I like that graphic! (sorry guys, baby steps, right?)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Is this not consistent with "what addicts do"? Sorry, but you served as an enabler. Helped provide a comfortable "base camp" from which to base his drinking/activities.
My advice, his mind is so distorted by addiction, don't even try to figure it out. Don't waste your sane intelligent mind on anger or resentment.
My advice, his mind is so distorted by addiction, don't even try to figure it out. Don't waste your sane intelligent mind on anger or resentment.
Originally Posted by gns 
As I am slowly separating myself from my ex I am FURIOUS with him and myself. My ex is NOT a nice guy who is an alcoholic, he is a USER who USED ME. I am still trying to process how much he used me.
1. Financially - I bought many of our dinners and spent a lot more on our vacations and spent more money on the house. I probably spent 30,000 on the rat *******!! over three years
2. I went over to his place (because it was too inconvenient for him to come see me - after all he had to work out) and cleaned his bathroom! cooked him dinner! Cleaned his kitchen while he played on the computer!! (WHY did I do that!!)
3. I had surgery twice - and he was nowhere to be found, could care less!!!.
4. He abandoned me many times to go see his friends (fiends) I would get mad but forgive him!
5. I would help him manage finances and manage all the house stuff/planning stuff only to discover now that he doesn't have me, he seems to be doing it all just fine! Why did I think he was so helpless?
6. He CHEATED on me (2 email phone flirtations and sex with a work colleague) and lied to my face and then tried to tell me I had problems with jealousy!!
7. After I have been nothing but good to him, now he tells everyone that I am not good in bed, has sex with women on my bed left in the house ON PURPOSE to "screw me", calls me controlling and tells everyone including me that I have "gns-esque" qualities (whatever that means) that make me undesirable to him!
8. I still don't know if he simply bought the house with me so he could move in town, or if he ever had any intention of trying to make it work and when he gave up.
9. I believed him when he said it is normal for us to see each other and have sex once a week after 2 years (he claims he needs sex ALL the time and that is why he cheated, and that is why he starred in his little porn video HA HA HA - he was faithful and happy with once a week for at least a year!!!!). He just wanted his space to whatever he wanted, Why did I believe him??!!
He never compromised and he never gave anything and he unashamedly took every penny from me during the relationshio and in the break-up. How could someone be SO SELFISH, and hiw come he isn't being struck by lighting?? Where is my HP??? I can and want to destroy him. It would only take a few letters about illegal prescription writing and a link to his porn video!!!
1. Financially - I bought many of our dinners and spent a lot more on our vacations and spent more money on the house. I probably spent 30,000 on the rat *******!! over three years
2. I went over to his place (because it was too inconvenient for him to come see me - after all he had to work out) and cleaned his bathroom! cooked him dinner! Cleaned his kitchen while he played on the computer!! (WHY did I do that!!)
3. I had surgery twice - and he was nowhere to be found, could care less!!!.
4. He abandoned me many times to go see his friends (fiends) I would get mad but forgive him!
5. I would help him manage finances and manage all the house stuff/planning stuff only to discover now that he doesn't have me, he seems to be doing it all just fine! Why did I think he was so helpless?
6. He CHEATED on me (2 email phone flirtations and sex with a work colleague) and lied to my face and then tried to tell me I had problems with jealousy!!
7. After I have been nothing but good to him, now he tells everyone that I am not good in bed, has sex with women on my bed left in the house ON PURPOSE to "screw me", calls me controlling and tells everyone including me that I have "gns-esque" qualities (whatever that means) that make me undesirable to him!
8. I still don't know if he simply bought the house with me so he could move in town, or if he ever had any intention of trying to make it work and when he gave up.
9. I believed him when he said it is normal for us to see each other and have sex once a week after 2 years (he claims he needs sex ALL the time and that is why he cheated, and that is why he starred in his little porn video HA HA HA - he was faithful and happy with once a week for at least a year!!!!). He just wanted his space to whatever he wanted, Why did I believe him??!!
He never compromised and he never gave anything and he unashamedly took every penny from me during the relationshio and in the break-up. How could someone be SO SELFISH, and hiw come he isn't being struck by lighting?? Where is my HP??? I can and want to destroy him. It would only take a few letters about illegal prescription writing and a link to his porn video!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
This is a really useful thread thanks to everyone who wrote and thanks gns.
I have been having huge fury too.
How exactly do we "deal" with the issues from the past. I have had lots of counselling, I am in AA and have been doing the steps. I am only just now feeling the anger.
Can someone be specific about how to deal with the stuff from the past? I am so tired of it affecting me still.
I have been having huge fury too.
How exactly do we "deal" with the issues from the past. I have had lots of counselling, I am in AA and have been doing the steps. I am only just now feeling the anger.
Can someone be specific about how to deal with the stuff from the past? I am so tired of it affecting me still.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Let it go. We think in order to let things go, we have to understand it, we have to have resolved it, and closed it. We have to have wrongs acknowledged and forgiveness asked of us. We stay with that stuff until we find a place to leave it.
As far as the anger, I think in truth, we are really as relucatant to change as they are. We hate it and we say so but we stay in it. I have said before that we are all really just one decision away from a new life. I believe that.
We can stay on their terms or we can draw a line and step over it leaving "it", all right there on the other side of that line.
We've all cleaned the house and opened our teenagers bedroom door, with a dust rag in one hand and a vaccuum in the other, we assess the mess, then we close the door to it. There are some messes that just aren't worth cleaning up.
I can look back and in retrospect, my life changed when I made that first decision.
What that really means is that I decided to change directions. That's hard to do when you are headed west and all your plans lie in the west. No matter how bad the road gets we just keep going until the wheels fall off the wagon or we can stop......abandon the wagon and head south.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I decided that a person with a brain in their head would get off that road. I realized that the sympathy and support people offered started to include rolling eyes. I had become embarrassed at my own lack of problem solving. I was an idiot to live like this when I had the ability not to. I think when you realize that, it makes it easier to make an abrupt change.
As far as the anger, I think in truth, we are really as relucatant to change as they are. We hate it and we say so but we stay in it. I have said before that we are all really just one decision away from a new life. I believe that.
We can stay on their terms or we can draw a line and step over it leaving "it", all right there on the other side of that line.
We've all cleaned the house and opened our teenagers bedroom door, with a dust rag in one hand and a vaccuum in the other, we assess the mess, then we close the door to it. There are some messes that just aren't worth cleaning up.
I can look back and in retrospect, my life changed when I made that first decision.
What that really means is that I decided to change directions. That's hard to do when you are headed west and all your plans lie in the west. No matter how bad the road gets we just keep going until the wheels fall off the wagon or we can stop......abandon the wagon and head south.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I decided that a person with a brain in their head would get off that road. I realized that the sympathy and support people offered started to include rolling eyes. I had become embarrassed at my own lack of problem solving. I was an idiot to live like this when I had the ability not to. I think when you realize that, it makes it easier to make an abrupt change.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
So Sorry in advance HP's of SR...I am getting graphic..........lol
Girl stay mad....ride that wave until your strong enough to get mad again and stay mad AT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
Then go out and spoil yourself.......Turn your life around until he wants to crawl back on his knees then cut them off by SHUTTING not SLAMMING the door.......Stand with your head held high! How High....................You need to be acting like a Royal Princess...... All I can say is Been there done that...need to write the book.............. Do NOT EVER allow any man, woman or child take your power.....your self esteem is just that YOURS!!!
Get a better job, start wearing sexy clothes again, go buy a new car( I went vehicle Happy!) Do something BIG FOR YOU........And while your doing that think to yourself often, This is what I gave up when I took his no account a*s in!
Good Luck!!!!!!! Just don't get unmad and be mad at the right person!:ghug3
Ok after reading each post I have to come cleam....Have you heard that country song " Before he cheats"? I did it, I was drunk enough to do that!!!!! I took my baseball bat went to his job and destroyed the Jeep I Had Bought Him!!!!!!!!! I was pissed I had given him so much but after that I found I had lost more than my temper.......I had lost my self respect! There are just some things that a person should give up on because of their anger!
Girl stay mad....ride that wave until your strong enough to get mad again and stay mad AT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
Then go out and spoil yourself.......Turn your life around until he wants to crawl back on his knees then cut them off by SHUTTING not SLAMMING the door.......Stand with your head held high! How High....................You need to be acting like a Royal Princess...... All I can say is Been there done that...need to write the book.............. Do NOT EVER allow any man, woman or child take your power.....your self esteem is just that YOURS!!!
Get a better job, start wearing sexy clothes again, go buy a new car( I went vehicle Happy!) Do something BIG FOR YOU........And while your doing that think to yourself often, This is what I gave up when I took his no account a*s in!
Good Luck!!!!!!! Just don't get unmad and be mad at the right person!:ghug3
Ok after reading each post I have to come cleam....Have you heard that country song " Before he cheats"? I did it, I was drunk enough to do that!!!!! I took my baseball bat went to his job and destroyed the Jeep I Had Bought Him!!!!!!!!! I was pissed I had given him so much but after that I found I had lost more than my temper.......I had lost my self respect! There are just some things that a person should give up on because of their anger!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
