chero

i just felt like saying hi. i have a zillion things to do tonight and i don't want to (i will, but...)
at the end of this day, right when i pulled into town, it dawned on me how good i felt. not for any reason, really. i mean XAH is now calling and threatening my friends for making me leave him and get a divorce, work is stressful, life is super busy, but i don't know...i just felt okay.

i'm sitting here trying to reason it all out and i can't. i just feel content, i guess. i feel like maybe i'm figuring out my way. does that make sense?
it's been a long time since i've felt any type of peace or contentment or whatever it is i'm feeling.

maybe life does go on? i signed up for a painting class and restarted piano lessons and am attempting to find my life again.

i was thinking tonight that part of the reason i stayed with an abusive alcoholic for so many years was because i lived for the good days. in the beginning there were more good days than there were bad. i got to the place where i'd give just about anything for a good day...and i did, too. i gave up my sanity, security, happiness, peace, any type of normalcy. before i knew it, the bad days far out numbered the good and i was still hanging on to the hope of a good day.

i've been at this long enough to know that everyday won't be great or even good, but maybe there will be enough good days ahead to make the journey worthwhile!

LaTeeDa

Here's to many good days ahead, Chero.

L

minnie

I hate that people even have to even think about balancing the good and the bad. Yes, we all have off days, but ........

Really glad to hear that you are approaching an even keel.

ICU

Yeah, I know what you mean about balancing or living for the good days amongst the prevalent bad days!

Good for you for starting up with painting and piano lessons. Very creative ways to express yourself!

P.S. I always knew you had it in you! You just had to find your own way, in your own time, and 'believe'!!

Janitw

((((((((((((Chero))))))))))))))))

Stay strong hun...

CBrown

I know what you mean about "okay." It like "You mean my life doesn't have to be a roller coaster every day? I don't have to wonder whether he's lying? I don't have to wonder who he's sleeping with tonight?" I don't have to wonder whether he's going to accuse me of something or blow up over something trivial?" Yup, "okay" is definitely "okay."

Barbara52

I've told my son a few times the dull and boring is just fine for the time being.

FormerDoormat

You've come a long way in a short time, Chero. You should be proud of yourself.

embraced2000

i agree chero.....you have really taken the fast track to recovery. it was a lot harder for me.....i just couldn't let go of it all....it was such an ingrained part of me.

yes, it is grand to "just be okay".....even when things are happening around us that would have had us all upset before we knew better. life does go on, and we do live, even tho we thought we would just die during it all.

onward and upward, eh??

big hugs to you chero

Mr. Christian

Yes life does go on.
I'm glad you are still driving down the path of life.
There will be ups and downs but the pay off as you are learning, is most rewarding.

HKAngel24

Chero-

You've come so far. I remember when i first joined the board reading posts from you in which you were terrified to consider leaving your husband.
Now you have taken your life back and there isn't anything more inspiring to me than someone who has charged into the darkness and taken such a leap of faith in which they inevitably land on their feet and continue moving forward.

Thanks for sharing this today. It is a reminder that change is always possible and that alcohol and drugs truly do poision relationships and each individual involved, but that there is a way to find yourself again.

Thank you!!!

cagefree

Like FD says - you've come a long way in such a short time. I'm so happy for you that you found some serenity

Rella927

Chero

Ditto to the "you;ve come a long way in a short time"

Be so very proud of yourself as we are of you! When we feel peace after so long at first it is feels a bit raw...I'm so glad that you are starting to feel this peace...embrace it with all your might!

kelsh

Better late than not at all.

I remember driving down the highway after being sober almost a year.......I had made the decision to go back to college and then the thought ran through my head...I can go to school where ever I want to. I am single, free from alcohol, a single mom and 49 years old! I knew I did qualify for different grants to help pay for my schooling because of my age and being a single mom.......it was sooooooo exciting.

I can't say enough to you about your decision to get on with life. You must be feeling very good about yourself and your decision to move on. It is scary at times but somehow everything works out.

I decided to stay where I was to finish college since I already had low-cost housing, a job, and enough income with child support to squeak by. It still was an adventure and the best part....most of my classmates were older and doing the same thing...
getting a new life.

kelsh