please help!
 

Hello everybody, I'm Silke let me tell you a little bit about why i am here.....I been with my Husband for about good 8years now he has always been a big and heavy drinker i never realy disliked his drinking habbits till our daughter was borne 5years ago, i guess i grew up and he stayd where he was at when we first meet( i am 27 now and he is 31), our daughter is handycap'd from birth on we are handeling the situation pretty good together and we try to help one another when and where ever we can, Our only problem is that my husband is drinking all the time he uesd to only drink beer cause he knew that hard liqueur makes him aggressive and mean so he stuck with the beer...In the past 2years i kinda seperated my self from him and i started to do my own thing cause i could not stand beeing around him when he is drunk so slowly he came to a point where he went against his friends and he tryd to beat them up ofcourse he didnt rememberd it the next day but they have told him and he stopd drinking for 9month he didnt have a drop, Me and him where all happy again and everything was fine but then about 3month ago he desided to try a little glass of beer and surely he has been drinking again ever sens....last night i cought him drunk at a local bar he told me he wasnt drunk but i knew better when i saw that he couldnt even walk straight i checkd his bag and he had a bottle of crown royal half way gone in it....i was under the impression that he stoped again about 2weeks ago cause i told hom if he didnt i would devorce him so i was pretty shocked when i cought him lieeing to me! I realy dont know what to do now i do love him very much but i know i cant live with him when he is drinking and lieing to me, we are getting ready to move back to the USA soon and i am not sure if i should go with him or if i should stay here and start my live over without him on my side! Maybe someone out there feels like writeing to me and maybe help me a little i realy dont know what to do,,,,my brain tells me leave him and my heart still loves him soooo much! please help!

Hey there Silke, welcome to SR.

Sorry to hear about the situation that you are in. I know it can be very difficult to sort through all the facts and emotions.

I hear 'ya! That's one of the initial struggles for sure. That was hard for me too. As time went on I had to figure out "do I love the man that he is now?", or, "do I love the man he once was, or 'might' be once again"? I decided that I loved who he once was, and clung to the hope that he 'might' be that way once again. But, that wasn't who he was 'in the present' and the 'present' is really all we have. In my case, I chose to leave. I still love the man he once was, but from a distance! No one says you 'have to stop loving them' if you chose to leave them. You just kind of learn to love yourself, and in your case, your daughter more.

Do you have Alanon meetings in your area? If so, you might want to attend a few and see what you think. I know many people here attend Alanon and feel it is very helpful.

Please read through the posts here and in the stickies at the top of the forum. You'll see there's lots of people here that are going through, or have gone through similar situations.

Keep coming back!

Hi Sadgirl,
Im glad you are here and sorry you are hurting. I dont have any answers for you, but can tell you I know that feeling where you think things are fine and then are suddenly shown you were wrong.
I hope you stick around, theres lots of people here who have been where you are and understand!
When you told him if he didnt stop you would divorce him, what was his reaction?

Welcome sadgirl! You are in the right place to gain a whole lot of understanding. There are so many of us who have been and are right where you are. Its never easy.

Keep posting and reading. It helps ever so much!

Welcome sadgirl, glad you're here!