CatsPajamas

Clearly, I didn’t know what compassion was, but I knew what it was not. Compassion was not seeking revenge, holding a grudge, calling names, or screaming and throwing things in anger. Yet that was how I frequently behaved toward this person I claimed to love. For me, the beginning of learning compassion was to eliminate such behavior.

While I still have a hard time defining compassion, I think it starts with the recognition that I am dealing with a sick person who sometimes exhibits symptoms of a disease. I don’t have to take it personally when these symptoms, such as verbal abuse, appear, not do I have the right to punish anyone for being sick.

I am a worthwhile human being. I don’t have to sit and take abuse. But I have no right to dish it out, either

Today’s Reminder:

I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than with anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend.

“He who would have beautiful roses in his garden must have beautiful roses in his heart.” – S.R. Hole

ICU

‘Compassion’….what a struggle it has been for me. I could write on this subject forever, but I’ll spare you all the ‘war and peace’ version.

I had compassion for others in ‘non-abusive’ circumstances. It was when situations were dire, or particularly hurtful or violent that I struggled with it, whether it involved disease or no disease was irrelevant. I guess that’s when my survival skills kicked in, and rightly so! Somewhere along that path, I think is where I lost sight of my compassion with those people. I think that’s understandable.

I didn’t begin to regain it until I removed myself from the situation(s) and started treating ‘myself’ more gently, more lovingly and become more forgiving of my own behaviors and mistakes. I could read all the books in the world, and it wouldn’t have done a bit of good, until I learned to apply it to myself first this time around. Once I did that, I was able to begin to have compassion for others….my ex, my parents, even my siblings that I haven’t spoken with in eons.

But, by having compassion for people, doesn’t mean that I’ll resume relationships that I have determined are not right for me. I can wish them well in their journey in life as I continue on with mine. Is that holding a grudge or having resentments? No, I don’t think so. I tend to view that as self-care!

HKAngel24

Thanks for this CatsPajamas - reading this, this morning I kept thinking how I have cried out about another disrespecting me and hurting me, but the biggest offender has been myself. This is the hardest to change.

sunshine321

I'm still struggling with compassion. It's hard to scrape up compassion for someone who is treating themselves so poorly and dividing our family. Maybe I'll be able to understand it better someday. One day at a time.

Jenny

CatsPajamas

Heather,

Even after I really comprehended the concept of compassion, and as ICU says - having compassion for people yet not resuming relationships with them - it still took me a LONG time to understand the need to be compassionate with myself.

More often than not, now.. I am my own best friend. There are times, however, when I am still my worst critic and my own worst enemy. IN those moments, I know to turn to a friend in recovery or to my HP to get myself balanced and upright again.