MayaandMe

Hi, My Abf just wrote me a long and very apoogetic email about all the realizations that he has had in rehab. It is actually just what I was hoping to hear, if you know what I mean. Now, usually I would tell him that everthing is okay, he should focus on himself and that I forgive him. After finding SR and starting the process of my own healing, I have no idea how to respond. I just closed the email and really have no idea what to write. I want to support his recovery. I don't want to forgive his actions in a way that gives him and Okay to treat me like that ever again. I want to believe the sincerity of it all, but I struggle because much of it I have heard before from him. I want to acknowledge it, but I don't know what to say.
Thanks for the advice on my last post, I will get to Alanon in a few months when I move (I live in Brazil and can't speak Portugese) and I have ordered Codependent No More.

CBrown

Why not just be honest? Briefly write back and congratulate him on his progress. Encourage him in his steps. Then tell him you are working on yourself, finding peace, and strengthening yourself too. That's it. Stay focused on the positive, then go back to working on you! Whatever happens in the future can be handled then.

ICU

I always say if you're not sure...then wait until the answer, and your 'true feelings' becomes more clear.

HKAngel24

Al-Anon will be key to helping you move forward in YOUR recovery.

Often THEY don't understand that we, too have been infected by the disease and that we, too, need to recover. Any compulsive behavior erodes the self esteem of those who love them and of the person themselves.

I can understand your pain my dear and know what it feels like to hear all the words you've wanted to hear, but to still FEEL the damage that has been done.

Codependent No More is an amazing read. I got it on audio so that I can listen to it throughout my day. There is also Al-Anon literature available that has been a lifeline for me. Stories of others recovering, as well as the steps outlined and applied to the situation.

I am thinking of you.

sunshine321

I understand exactly what you mean. As I've said before and I'll continue to say until a change is made, I'm sorry is great because it means you can recognize that you have hurt someone, but it loses it's importance if you say I'm sorry but continue to do the same thing over and over. It just doesn't mean anything after a while.

Sorry I couldn't be of help to you. You should use the slogan "think" for this situation. Let your higher power guide you. If it's to do nothing, than do nothing. If it's to respond, do it but don't send it right away. Type it out, reread it in a few days and make sure it still applies and then send. There is no rush in figuring out your feelings.

Jenny

denny57

Recovery does not happen overnight; taking it slow can be helpful.

I travel a lot of the world and have always found English speaking meetings. Google or contacting the world headquarters of Al-Anon has helped me find them.

Good luck!