hmbld

Today has been an absolutely wonderful day with the RAH. This will sound totally trivial, but I opened up the dishwasher and it was completely empty. There is nothing I hate more than unloading the dishwasher. He'd gotten up before me and unloaded it. He then took charge of getting the dog to the vet (he has lyme and he's fat, and when he can't walk, he's quite heavy to lug around). Then after the vet we swung by one of the local flower growers and grabbed a ton of cut dahlias. It almost looks like a funeral parlor I have so many flowers scattered about the house. lol

I absolutely love the local flower man. He's retired and him and his wife grow flowers mostly as a hobby. He charges $3 for a bouquet of flowers that would cost you over $50 at a florist.

It was a very good day.

GlassPrisoner

RAH = Recovering Alcoholic Husband, right ? Could be Raging Alcoholic Husband.....

That's cool. Sounds as if he's trying to think of someone besides himself.

hmbld

Yeah, recovering, not raging. lol I'm not totally up on the lingo yet.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not delusional. We're by no means back to rainbows and cupids. It was just a nice day, and I'm really trying to not get my back up when he does try and do something nice. I figure, why make myself crazy by analyzing the "what's his angle". If he has an angle, so be it, his loss if it's some form of manipulation. I'm going forward, with or without him, if he backslides, it's a certain it will be without him. I'm past the point of "one more chance" ya know?

CBrown

With so many sad stories on SR, it is wonderful to hear a positive one like yours. Here's hoping you have many more happy, sober days in front of you!

hmbld

Thanks, I sure hope that is the case, but I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch.

I'm tentatively optimistic I suppose. He actually looks forward to his outpatient meetings and his AA meetings, which is a complete 180 from his past attempts. He doesn't seem to just be going through the motions this time. He's also really stopped focusing on it as a means to fix us, moreso a means of fixing himself. We've both actually been able to sit down and talk about the possibility of us not working out, and that we both need to take it super slow and figure out what we each want individually, and if they even jive with what we want together.

For instance, I'm seriously considering a complete life re-alignment by moving back to WV (which is where I grew up) and living a simple, less materialistic life. That is probably not something that he wants to do. He wants a life re-alignment as well, but nothing so drastic. Maybe we can meet in the middle, maybe not.

Anyway. However it all works out, I know this time I'm better equipped to deal it all. And that is because of everyone on here. You all have helped me more than you will ever know.

Rella927

Prayers out to you and AH to keep up the great work! Sober is good!

best

Some manipulations are good. *Smile*

In an attempt to make up for lost time, I will do things just to manipulate a smile from my wife. Enjoy the moments... reminds me that I need go cut the grass so the yard looks nice when she comes home later.

lilac

Aren't those good days just awesome? I am glad you both had a good day and pray there are many more days filled with sunshine for you both !

sunshine321

Happy to hear you had a nice day with rah. It's the little things that mean the most IMO.

Jenny

hmbld

You are awesome!

He finished screening in our porch today. He came in and said "Well it's done", laughed and said, "only took a year." Which is true, he started on that thing last year. He proceeded to acknowledge his drinking always got in the way of him ever completing a project.

You coulda knocked me over with a feather. lol

CBrown

"He came in and said "Well it's done", laughed and said, "only took a year." Which is true, he started on that thing last year. He proceeded to acknowledge his drinking always got in the way of him ever completing a project."

Oh my. How cool is that? It's great to hear a story that gives hope. How old is your husband and how long did he drink?

hmbld

He is 38, been drinking since we met 12 years ago. The irony is, he didn't really drink until he met me. I was a party girl. I grew out of it, unfortunately, he did not.

CBrown

38, and he still has a lot of life left before him. I hope you'll keep encouraging us with good news in the future!

hmbld

I hope so as well. I still feel uneasy though, he's done the sober thing before and relapsed. Talk about a kick in the teeth. And every time I would tell myself, this time will be different. I'm not going to let myself fall back into the trap of convincing myself that we'd finally beaten his addiction.

He did tell me that when he graduates from his intensive outpatient program to the relapse prevention program, that they teach him as well as family members how to recognize signs of relapse. I'm very much looking forward to that. I have a pretty good radar for his changes, but I am hoping they will provide us with better tools as to how to deal with it and hopefully prevent a relapse from occurring.

pumkin

Hi ,I am new in this group
It is so nice to hear nice stories. I left my husband 2 months ago . we have been married for a 14 months and alcohol and drugs were part of this marriage
although he kept promising , longest he can keep his promises was 3 weeks. then relapse
all ı remember that I was / we were so happy in these 3 weeks and I am quite missing these days. I hope that we never faced this and live happily but it is over

hmbld

I know how you feel. Promise after promise broken. You are probably better off with it being over. To be bluntly honest. If I knew what was in store for me and my children over these 12 years, I'd have ended the relationship and never looked back. In my case, I had no outward signs from the beginning. He didn't drink at all when I met him, never really did, so the thought of a problem didn't even cross my mind. His disease didn't just happen overnight, and as he progressively got sicker, I got progressively sicker. I did things, and put up with things, that I would have never in a million years think that I would do.

As much as you love this man, you are saving yourself by ending it.

pumkin

thanks for the advice
I have been reading all most all links about this issue for 2 months and ı became aware of how hard for A and spouse, worse than being in addict is exactly is living
with an addict
I know what I want from life. I want to live a peaceful life and when I go to bed at night I want to sleep peacefully
I still love him but he is not giving me what I want and assume he will never
he is still promising to quit and want to get back together and he said he started yoga classes and aikido to get tired physically cause he couldn' t sleep without alcohol. ıt is almost 2 months and I finally get used to my new life without him so why get back together ( thanks to God, no children