new to group
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: stoughton wi
Posts: 3
new to group
Im new to group but not to this problem. I just haven't had anyone admit they have a drinking problem and try to get help.I am not sure just how to react to this.
My now oldest son's grilfriend [mother of my 3 yr old grandson] admited she has been drinking for a year Started after her brothers suicide.She went into rehab last fri.after work for 30 days. They don't want anyone to know where she is or why so I have to lie to people who call. What I want to know I guess is how much support do I offer. I want her to stop drinking but I don't want her to feel everyone is watching and waiting for her to fail.They live here with me and my husband so we are right in the middle of everything.I have had sons with drinking problems and did nothing because I don't know what to do. My youngest son I'm sure will have his story told here soon because he is a constant worry for me but thats for another day.
I m tring to help my son but he isn't able to deal with this yet so I need some advice from people who have been there. thanks for the help.
My now oldest son's grilfriend [mother of my 3 yr old grandson] admited she has been drinking for a year Started after her brothers suicide.She went into rehab last fri.after work for 30 days. They don't want anyone to know where she is or why so I have to lie to people who call. What I want to know I guess is how much support do I offer. I want her to stop drinking but I don't want her to feel everyone is watching and waiting for her to fail.They live here with me and my husband so we are right in the middle of everything.I have had sons with drinking problems and did nothing because I don't know what to do. My youngest son I'm sure will have his story told here soon because he is a constant worry for me but thats for another day.
I m tring to help my son but he isn't able to deal with this yet so I need some advice from people who have been there. thanks for the help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: St. Petersburg, Florida
Posts: 684
Not sure,
Welcome to the group... I'm new here to, but like you not new to the problems of A'ism. I'm sorry your son's girlfriend and you all are going through this. I think you reaching out for help is the best thing you can do for yourself, your grandson, and your son. Maybe with you modeling the tools of Alanon you will encourage your son to start going to Alanon and possibly his girlfriend would continue with sobriety. The early stages of sobriety is such a fragile time. My AH has been sober six months and he is still experiencing issues of anger, low self-esteem, discontent, etc. There is nothing you'll be able to do for your son's girlfriend or your son in helping them stay sober but you can work at detaching emotionally with love and taking care of yourself and being supportive to your grandson. Your in a tough position I can see... but you don't have to feel torn apart by everyone's request. Allow them to take care of themselves and it will give you the freedom to take care of yourself. I hope you'll seek out face to face Alanon meetings in your community if you have not already. The meetings and the people can be a wonderful group of support.
Take One Day At A Time and remember to be good to you.
Peace,
Shaun
Welcome to the group... I'm new here to, but like you not new to the problems of A'ism. I'm sorry your son's girlfriend and you all are going through this. I think you reaching out for help is the best thing you can do for yourself, your grandson, and your son. Maybe with you modeling the tools of Alanon you will encourage your son to start going to Alanon and possibly his girlfriend would continue with sobriety. The early stages of sobriety is such a fragile time. My AH has been sober six months and he is still experiencing issues of anger, low self-esteem, discontent, etc. There is nothing you'll be able to do for your son's girlfriend or your son in helping them stay sober but you can work at detaching emotionally with love and taking care of yourself and being supportive to your grandson. Your in a tough position I can see... but you don't have to feel torn apart by everyone's request. Allow them to take care of themselves and it will give you the freedom to take care of yourself. I hope you'll seek out face to face Alanon meetings in your community if you have not already. The meetings and the people can be a wonderful group of support.
Take One Day At A Time and remember to be good to you.
Peace,
Shaun
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((not sure)))))
Hey there and welcome.
The school I go to on this is that we are only as sick as our secrets. I don't think it is necessary to post a sign out in the lawn or nothing and you don't have to say or do things that might risk someone's job but, I think among family members and good close friends it is best to be open about what is going on.
We can't really control another person either. You can set boundaries about what you need. You can control what goes on in your house. I know how easy it is to manipulated by alcoholics when small children are involved in the mix because you want what is best for them and they really can't control anything. Children can't even leave when they feel over loaded by things happening around them.
Probably the best you can do for you is keep the focus on yourself do what you need to do for you. If your loved ones want your help they can ask you just be mindful not to let them have you support their drinking...
Hey there and welcome.
The school I go to on this is that we are only as sick as our secrets. I don't think it is necessary to post a sign out in the lawn or nothing and you don't have to say or do things that might risk someone's job but, I think among family members and good close friends it is best to be open about what is going on.
We can't really control another person either. You can set boundaries about what you need. You can control what goes on in your house. I know how easy it is to manipulated by alcoholics when small children are involved in the mix because you want what is best for them and they really can't control anything. Children can't even leave when they feel over loaded by things happening around them.
Probably the best you can do for you is keep the focus on yourself do what you need to do for you. If your loved ones want your help they can ask you just be mindful not to let them have you support their drinking...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
Welcome to SR ! (Hugs to you)). Just try (as hard as it is) to focus on yourself, not the A. Please continue posting and reading here. This site helped me to keep my sanity when I needed it most.
Just remember, you didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. The A must step up to the plate for that.
Much love to you.
Just remember, you didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. The A must step up to the plate for that.
Much love to you.
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