Layla2222

so my ABF 1st day out of rehab, and he drinks....4 hours later.

I told him I don't want to be with him anymore...he brought me a dozen roses. I told him again, I cant be with him.

He left and I am unbelievably sad and depressed. I cant even think about it, and I dont know what to do with myself. I cant describe the pain, even though i did what i knew i had to do. I had no choice.
thanks for listening.

Barbara52

{hugs} Yeah, the pain sucks big time. But you did the right thing for you, stood your ground like you need to for yourself. He's made his choice. Its not a good one but that is his choice.

LaTeeDa

Aww, of course your sad! I would be worried if you weren't. You are coming to grips with the idea that all those plans and dreams you had aren't going to come out the way you planned it. It's like greiving a death. Let yourself feel the feelings. The only way out is through, and it's hard.

((()))

L

embraced2000

ohhhhhh hon, i've lived this at least a dozen times. and those roses.....ugh!!!!!

mine would bring me roses and flowers almost every day, all the time, verbally abusing he hell outta me....the flowers made me sick to look at them.

of course you are sad.......but you were sad with him, too, eh?

i so understand how you are feeling, but i promise it gets better. it just takes time.

he has shown his intention by drinking straight out of rehab....he has no intention of getting sober. your life with him would continue to be an alcoholic chaos.

the loss of the dream is what was so painful for me.

you hang in there, and be very kind to yourself.

Layla2222

thank you all.....i need this support right now.....
a million thank yous

Layla2222

he called again to tell me he is re-enlisting into the military--active duty this time--and he wants to go straight back to Iraq....
part threat....
part running away from his problems....
part bp, as he has said this many times before & changed his mind the next day....

either way, i said, okay well i guess its goodbye then.....

i wish i could be numbed from my sadness right now....

elizabeth1979

Layla, Im sorry this hurts so much.
Hon, sometimes the best thing is to let his choices be his choices.
I hear alot of manipulation in his actions.

By the way, I dont know what branch of the military he is, but I can tell you that the US Military is dry. When they are on the boat over and while they are deployed, they can't drink. Some do and get reprimanded, but most do not. They are generally allowed to drink in port on the way back from deployment, but not while in Iraq.

Maybe his leaving would be good for him. I doubt he goes, sounds like a big fat hook to me.

Either way, hope you feel better.

Layla2222

about the military....who knows if he goes or not, or if it helps or not, but he has been in before.....just got honorable discharge after 6 yrs, including a deployment to Kuwait. Although he cant drink while in Iraq/Kuwait/MiddleEast.....he has said MANY times that the military ENCOURAGES drinking.....they know its the soldiers only "release" and provide beer whenever possible.
Anyways, who cares, right? Its not about him anymore....
Thank you all again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

prodigal

I'm in the mood to dispense a tidbit of information here, since my husband was honorably discharged with 20 years in the Army. THE ARMY, AS OTHER BRANCHES OF OUR MILITARY, HAS A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY. PERIOD. I speak from first-hand experience. AH was going to work while stateside, and some fellow officers just smelled booze on him. That got him locked up for 28 days in a military rehab facility in Hampton, Virginia. ZERO TOLERANCE.

No, the Army does not provide its non-coms or officers with beer. Sorry. Ain't so. I'm an Army wife, so I have the inside info on what the Army does. Supplies beer for the men ... jeesh!

Aquarian

Very sorry to hear your sorrow. As time passes you will feel better. I have said to my ah "if you don't love yourself, it'd be impossible for you to love me" (his actions showed he didn't love himself). Don't know if what I said is true or if this helps.

I hope you feel better soon!

ARealLady

sounds like a big fat hook to me.

And probably alcohol fuelled too! XABF used to tell me what HE would have done IF he had been one of the passengers on any of those flights on 9/11. Didn't matter that he was thousands of miles away at the time. I guess if you know you aren't a hero, you have to pretend to be.

Layla...work on what is best for YOU, now. Your A isn't walking the talk.

Hugs!

ARL

ARealLady

provide beer whenever possible

The wishful thinking of an A, eh?

ARL

GiveLove

Ever heard that old hobo song "Big Rock Candy Mountain"?

on the big rock candy mountain
you never change your socks
and little springs of alcohol
come trickling down the rocks....

the wishful thinking of an alcoholic...or one who wants to continue to make you hurt and hurt because it serves him. Layla, take care of yourself. You will heal from this, and you will be amazed to find something sooo much more joyful when you do.

Hugs,
GL

Layla2222

im sorry-- i didnt mean to offend anyone about what I said about the military encouraging drinking.....i know they obviously wouldn't provide alcohol while working....or otherwise. I guess I am going strictly off what my ABF has told me when he was in the air force. He just said that anytime there was an "off duty activity" alcohol was always involved. This is just what he said, and you are absolutely right.....i do not know because I am not, and never have been in the military. I only thought this may be true, because he had made these types of comments years ago--when he was not drinking, and didnt want to be around it.
I do apologize....

well, he ended up calling again, and the ONLY reason I answered is becuase I knew his meds were all locked up at my apartment. He threatened me like a child ("im leaving and will never ever see you again") and I stayed calm. I said, I will drop off your medicine and thats it. I stood strong & stuck to my word--- and I couldn't believe it---in doing so--not sub coming to his manipulations--is what made him break. He eventually called me crying, saying how sorry he was for how he hurt me. Dont worry, I still stood strong with my word.
Well, thank you all again for the support, like I said....i could use it now.
Much love, Stephanie

Lady BlueMiles

I'm so sorry. ((()))

This is a stickie from the Grief and Loss forum about the stages. It helped me alot, and if your up to it, hope it helps you too.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-process.html

steve11694

don't even waste time trying to analyze or apply reason to the actions/words of an addict. There simply is none. Their minds are twisted.

INSANITY

NoChoice

Take care Layla2222, it is tough but it will get better. Look at all the love and support you have to fall back on. When I ended my relationship it felt like the bottom fell out and I got sumberged for a bit, but after lots of tears, anger, sadness, lonliness, it really does get better. Now, I sit back sometimes and I absolutely can not believe the things I used to concern myself with like: I wonder if he will be home, I wonder if he is coming home, I wonder what lies he told me, I wonder why he doesn't answer the phone when I call home from a work trip, I wonder why he wants to blame me for things that I didn't do...So much brain juice went into that. You will find relief. I am glad to know that you have "had enough" because we don't make a change until we have "had enough." Keep posting.

keepingmyjoy

Awwww Layla ((((hugs))))--you're doin great....I am so sorry for the hurt. I am proud of you...you jumped off the rollercoaster! Life will be sweeter eventually!