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Old 09-24-2007, 06:53 PM
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Location: Phoenix, AZ
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Smile newcomer

Hi,
I've been reading posts for about a week and find them helpful.

My story: married 20 years, my ah stopped drinking in the first yr of marriage (his idea) and I was SO relieved. It lasted 10 years. He didn't do treatment or meetings. One day he thought he wanted to try drinking. He did it reasonably well for years.

Then bad crap started. Over a yr ago, I insisted to see a marriage shrink. The shrink we went to wasn't very knowledgeable about addictions (my opinion). He said we could try having my ah to do abstinence or try a 'behavior modification' experiement. I was hoping it could work. I like socializing and am not against drinking within reason. Of course the few experiements failed.

Six weeks ago, the crap hit the fan when ah mixed pain relievers, sake bombers and drove! Then disappeared for awhile. He's never acted like that before, so I was ready to call the marriage quits.

He realized how serious I was, felt extremely sad and mad at himself. We decided to talk and try to work it out. He acted dedicated and went to AA meetings. He seemed to get good stuff from them. Then he stopped.

Then I got mad and felt he's not willing to heal then why the hell should I stay involved?? He said I am nagging. I fear he will just be a dry drunk if he doesn't dedicated himself. If he never really gets better or if he never gets enthusiatic with life, I wonder if I can live with it.

I am very into being happy and healthy. I feel if/when I have a medical, emotional or any type of problem I deal with it head on. I feel it's only fair to be as good of a partner as you can.

Anyways, thanks for letting me talk. You are all helpful and I am glad I found this site.
Aquarian
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Old 09-24-2007, 07:43 PM
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Location: Arlington, VA
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Welcome. I hope you stay around and post more. I know doing so has helped me progress.
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Old 09-24-2007, 09:04 PM
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DII
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
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Aquarian, the term is therapist or counselor and you need to find one for yourself the. I's important to find the "right" counselor, one that specializes in family therapy and alcohol alcohol addiction. Go alone. Also attend Alanon meetings. The best way to help your husband is to help and educate yourself. Your AH needs to dedicate himself to recovery for the rest of his life. It's not a go for a while and you're cured thing.

Good luck and keep posting!
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Old 09-25-2007, 06:19 AM
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(((Aquarian)))

Welcome!! I'm new to this site as well. I have been attending Alanon meetings and online forums for two years now and have found this program very helpful in restoring sanity to my home. My AH and I have not been together half as long as you guys have but we have gone through very similiar experiences. 6 months ago AH was drinking and using marijuana very heavily and was also using anti-anxiety meds (not prescribed to him) and were Benzo's. He clinically overdosed one night, took my van one morning at 4 am, wrecked the car next to us and crashed my van somewhere in town. I have no clue how he made it home alive, but for the grace of God he did without injuring himself or another human being. Going through this roller coaster for the last five years has been needless to say gut wrenching and heart breaking at times. (many times). This program helped me to detach emotionally from that huge incident and take care of business,myself, and my kids. The first thing I did was ask AH to leave. Basically that incident helped me realize what I would and wouldn't live with. I cannot live with active A'ism like that... relapsing one evening is one thing, actively using is entirely something else that I'm no longer willing to subject myself or my children too. AH has been sober six months yesterday... and yes he's going through a bit of that "dry drunkness" right now. He has returned to the home. I realized yesterday after posting something out that I needed to take a step back again emotionally. You will figure out what you can and can't live with. Maybe a face to face Alanon meeting would help... get some Alanon or AA literature.... keep posting and chatting with people who have had similiar experiences and through prayer and meditation you will figure out what is best for you. I wish you peace and serenity today.

ODAT~
Shaun
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