sunwish

It's been awhile since I have been here...months. I finally got my AH out of the house in June....he was paying the court ordered child support...I met a great guy....moving on.......and AH was basically out of the picture. He only saw the kids (ages 13 & 6) 2 times since leaving in June but they seemed to be doing well. In July AH mouthed off to his boss and got fired. So the child support stops and 3 weeks later I find out why. He was living with 1 of his sons from his 1st marriage and finally all that fell apart when he was just drinking all day. Good news... is that he is finally in an inpatient facility! This is his first time. He is 50.

Now I keep thinking about what he is going through. I read the book a Million Little Pieces but that is the extent of my knowledge of detox/rehab. Will he need/want to contact me personally to talk about things after he has had time to think about things sober?
I do not have a problem bringing the kids to see him but I am just wondering what I may face with my AH.

I appreciate any advice.
Thanks all!

mallowcup

The kids aren't going to benefit from any visit, he will. He wants to see them because he's selfish. Why would an absent parent want his children to see him there. It really ticks me off when coucelors encourage contact while in a facility. Your oldest child would be humiliated and upset to see dad in this place. Your youngest might forgive him too quickly. I think that in rehab they need to feel the loss and stew in the consequences.
If he had his childrens best interest in mind, he'd request a visit after a few months sobriety when he is employed and in his own place. I wouldn't bring my kids to a facility like that. No, I'm not saying to hide the truth from your kids. Life is pretty good for them right now. Seeing him will just upset them and confuse them.
I do not think that visitation should necessarily be determined by a man paying support but why should he be entited to the perks of having kids who adore him when another man has stepped up to the plate to be a man for his chidren.
I hate it when children are factored into recovery that benefits no one but the alcoholic. They are little human beings who have been let down not props.
Those kids would be sick to their stomachs all the way there and they will be crying their little eyes out all the way home.

Ann

I agree that perhaps giving this time to see if his actions include responsibility and consistency for having your children in his life.

I think that children are emotionally unsettled each time someone important in their lives comes and then goes again.

He's new to recovery, there are no guarantees, but there is hope. I'd just let time and his behaviour decide if and when it is a good time to include him in the lives of your children.

Just my thoughts.

Hugs

Rella927

I agree with these thoughts that Ann has shared (Mallow too)

I know that the damage done to myself when I was a child was partially having to go in and out of rehab on a weekly basis once, twice, three times a week to visit my brother (not the same as a parent but the feeling of coming and going as we were very close) it was not mentally a great thing for me-

There is hope yes but there is no guarntee in life that he is going to change just yet. IMHO it is not someone I would want around my children-for my childs well being!

Mallow This was me and it was just my brother! I do not wish that on any child!