mamaplus2kids

This has been a really hard week. I fluctuate between sadness, anger and fear. Sometimes, I feel them all at once. My soon-to-be-ex-AH has been increasingly angry and aggressive towards me. We've been separated for nearly two years, and he won't agree to a divorce. Where I live, there are only two grounds for divorce: 1) he has tried to kill me; 2) we have lived separated for at least 2 years. Now, the two years are almost up, and he says if I don't settle with him, he will "go medieval". He's upset that the judge won't grant him more alimony from me and that he will have to find a job. Plus, he knows that what I have inherited is not marital property, and he has illusions that I'm worth a lot of money, which I am not, if you look at my debts. He also thinks he is entitled to whatever I have (my house which I inherited). He is mad he can't control me anymore. He said to me: "You have your house, your kids, your boyfriend... you have what you want. You have set too many boundaries. I have nothing. I am bankrupt. I don't care about my reputation anymore." He says he feels alienated. This is what scares me. He is starting to act like a stalker. I have told the police that he has threatened me, and they are noting this in their files (I've gone to them two times already). Unfortunately, I have no proof that he threatened me. I am ordering an alarm system and going to start taking karate classes. I just wish he would disappear from my life.

Pony

****{Mama}}}

Sorry you are having rough time now. I hope you can find some peace from this soon.

mamaplus2kids

Thanks Pony! These 20 months have been really difficult. If my story can be of any help to those who are in relatively new relationships and who have the chance to run away now, then at least I have helped others. My AH hasn't hurt me physically yet (except for ripping my nightgown and pulling the phone cord out of the wall when I wanted to call for help), but taht doesn't mean he is not violent. When he yelled and banged pots around at two in the morning trying to wake up the children, shows that he would have gotten violent had I set a limit then. I could not set limits with my AH because I was afraid of the consequences. Now that I am setting limits, he is getting angry. I am getting more and more scared. When we lived under the same roof, I had placed his needs and wants ahead of my own. I thought if he was placated, he would leave me alone. When I would take the credit card away, he would get angry and start causing trouble in the house.

ICU

In addition to keeping the police informed and the other steps you have or are planning on taking, I strongly urge you to contact a domestic violence agency in your area. It's only a phone call. They can give you some very useful suggestions and pointers in staying safe. The time to get informed is now!

Lady BlueMiles

Do you have something equivalent to a legal restraining order? This means he can't legally come near you. Of course this doesn't offer much immediate protection if he happens to show up drunk at your door but with the restraining order in place you can also talk to your neighbors and if they see him come near your home they can call the police for you. It's one more resource you can use to make you feel safer.

I'm so sorry you feel threatened like this. I have a friend that felt she was being stalked by her xbf when they separated. He used to do drive bys late at night. I used to call and check on her before I went to bed. Thankfully nothing ever happened. He never stopped or tried to get in the house. But it is scary and intimidating wondering what they might do.

Wascally Wabbit

I'd get a really mean couple of pit bull dogs and teach them that he is the enemy!
Seriously, is there nothing you can do with the police when someone is threatening you?