Lady BlueMiles

My father was an alcoholic and became abusive as time went on. I was in my early teens and learned about normal family life through spending alot of time with friends in their homes. I was only home when I had to be.

My mother, the sober one, stayed until it became physically too dangerous to live with his abuse because of her imo twisted religious beliefs. When she finally divorced him she cried mostly over being excommunicated from her Church more than over their sad and pathetic lives and what us kids had to endure. Every Sunday after, she would slink into Church and sit, or should I say slouch in the far back seats with us and leave just before mass was over so as not to face or speak with anyone. She also kept us out of Sunday school for the shame of it all. On the way home her wailing would begin and go on for the rest of the day about how she did it for us kids telling us we had to pray to God to forgive her.

It made me sick and angry and I hated both of them. I became rebellious. I refused to go with her to Church and left the house on Sundays and moved out long before I should have had to leave home and survive on my own, trying to end the live stream of endless bad memories.

It has taken my whole life to date trying to heal, forgive and accept them. I spent years of spiritual soul searching trying to overcome some of the religious brainwashing and still have a hard time letting go and letting HP or believing there is a loving, caring HP. Also, I married an alcoholic so the pain and anguish isn't over yet.

I was relieved when my parents separated. Who would want to witness their mother being physically abused? That's what it was coming to. Today, I know they loved me and did the best they could, but I was still affected. I do wish I had had at least one healthy parent but today I'm ever thankful to HP I've survived it as well as I have.

CE Girl

((((((whatfor99))))

Thank you for this thread. Reading the responses and the honesty that results from them has shown me where I need to go in the next "level" in the journey called recovery. Each one struck a cord, deep within my core. And its time to take a "searching, fearless, moral" inventory

SR has been a wonderful vehicle in driving finding ME. You never know where the next "lighbulb" moment comes from. I have benefitted from the words of wisdom from the "veterns" here, the ones who came the same time as me, the loving A's that share and most importantly by the "newbies" who post for the first time.

Please keep coming back. In your shares you are providing a service for others.

Peace

8675309

I too was VERY fearful about how my son (age 7) would handle the breakup of me and his father. Since it has actually happened (4 months ago), I have been very surprised that he is adjusting so very well. He enjoys his time with me and he enjoys his time with his father (one night, everyother weekend). I have done everything within my power to answer any of his questions honestly, without putting him in the middle of of the situation, and letting him know that he is loved by both his mother and father, even though we are not living together. I am just amaized by how well he is doing. He is still very focused in school, social with his friends, and an overall sweetie.

This is not advise in any way, I just wanted to share my experience with you. I hope it will help in some way. Take care of you.

Spiritual Seeker

Get yourself the HELP you need to be emotionally available to your child.
Just taking yourself away from the alkie is a beginning. Learning a different way
to communicate and working on your self is the best thing you can do for yourself and son. We only get one chance at this life, as they say this is not a dress rehersal.
If you are not happy in your marriage and it is not a place for you and your child to thrive don't feel guilty about making the necessary changes.Best wishes as you make the difficult choices and then the strength to do what you need to do.