is it the women or mainly the men who claim "size doesn't matter" ????

www.bulimia.com

Mike is right! Heart does win every single time! You could have been 10 sizes bigger and all that the RIGHT people would have seen was how beautiful you really are! Because beauty is as beauty does!

Your reaction was inspirational, Jeri!! :)

So true Mike!

Jeri you are truly awesome!

In August...I dreaded spending the week with my mother-because she has always said something about my hair and weight! She is not a small woman actually bigger than I! I stand 5'5 and I'am a size 9....for the first time in YEARS! The first thing out of my mothers mouth was my long curly (cannot help the curls) hair-and then the weight! Wow did it feel good to say "I'm happy with myself and I have had a lot of people tell me they love my hair!" but thank you for your input! WOW did that feel great!

Awesome job Jeri! And to take the womans pain into account-you are an inspiration around SR! :Val004: Thank you for being YOU!

15 years after I was divorced, I got a call. It was a woman introducing her self as my exs girlfriend. Like you, I'm wondering at this point why she's calling me.......
I had to put my hand over my mouth as she spoke to stop from laughing in the phone.
She was just the opposite as the woman you ran into.
She told me she had met my husband, she got them an apartment, she furnished it, she worked blah blah blah.......
Apparently my ex was on some kind of coke/alcohol binge rage and hit her. Her teenaged son stepped in and he hit him too.
My ex was arrested and hauled off.....again.......so she was just calling me to tell me that we should stick together and go after him. Yes, I did say we had ben divorced with no contact for 15 years.
She went on to tell me that she also thought I had a right to know he was working off the books and could pay more in support.
I assured her that I understood her situation but had no interest or contact in him. She asked why I never divorced him? He told her we were still married. I suppose this made it easy for him not to marry her and make it all my fault.
As far as the size 4, well, there is a gal in out town who is size 4 or less, She's pretty and she is also an alcoholic. She doesn't eat, she drinks. She is wasting away, literally. Muscle waste. Alcoholics usually hook up with women at the bar.

:c011:

"Alcoholics usually hook up with women at the bar." Is it because its convenient or because it's the only people who will have them? The last time my XABF called me and told me "I want you back" I should have added (in addition to laughing out loud at him), "No, I think G is a good choice for you and you should stick with her. No decent, non-booze-serving-b*tch would have you these days!" Isn't there something criminal about a woman working as a server, deliberately serving her ABF at home and at work?

But that's way off topic. Embraced, WOW! As a size 14, I sympathize with you! You are a strong woman and definitely in control! I have no idea what my reaction would be! I think what she said was horrible. She's displacing the hostility she should have toward her A, toward YOU. Why do we fight over these non-prizes?!

Yet, at the same time, my heart goes out to her too. The pain this disease causes is tragic.

i recognized that look on her face.....flat affect, big staring eyes, shell shocked. i truly did feel sorry for her, because i experienced the same thing with him. you know, "how could he leave ME?????" "how could he have done THOSE things??"
"why was he so cruel?" "but i thought he loved me!"

she is also an addict.....pills. they met in a half way house.

and i guess living with the effects of alcoholism, all the name calling, all the lashing out, all the cruelty, had given me great practice at letting it roll offa my back and really know the place it was coming from.....sheer addiction, pain, and being lost.

i didn't get angry till i got home and started thinking about the little twig woman. started feeling real sarcastic about her and, lord help me......jealous.

jealous over a prize from hell???? i kept thinking how he had sex with her.......OUR special sex. but alas, it was just sex.....sex with anyone would have done, i reckon.

i had some soul searching to do last night.

i'm still glad i had my cleveage in her face. ha ha ha

i hope she finds peace. i know the hell she is going through.

but if she ever calls me a big fat cow again upon a chance meeting, i might have to show what a big fat cow is capable of doing. lol maybe i'll drop a cow pile on her, huh?

there is a lot to be said for self-control....it seems like she was trying to blame you or something jeeeeze...

I hope one day she wakes up and feels she owes you an apology...

I guess she is afraid you will be taking him back...

You know, as a bit of a side note, being 5'9 and a size 16 isn't "fat" in my opinion. I've been a size 4 at 5'6, now I'm a size 12. I much prefer that size, I finally have curves AND boobs! You have no idea how proud I am of those boobs, took me two kids and a lot of cookies to get em, and I'm keeping them! You couldn't pay me to be super skinny again.

Wow... you did better than I would have. Good job!


Hope you slept well.... :)

Embraced way to go to handle yourself like that with such class and dignity.

Ngaire

wellllllllll, i did have a lot of nasty thoughts and impulses to lash back....believe me, i had some zingers clogged in the back of my throat like a wad of chicken feathers.

the jealousy thing that i was feeling about her and him really was the most upsetting thing after i got to thinking about it all. but really now, think about it..... if he was the prize, what kind of contest from hell did i win?????

i'm not kidding.....this jealousy thingy has kinda rocked my boat. i know i still love him, so maybe that is it.

i guess it was because it brought back how special i thought our connection was, and that he would never get over me enough to bring another woman into the equation.

i always romanticized about him being out there getting well for "us".....good lord....he wasn't supposed to go and get married for crying out loud.

he just wasn't following my plan at all.

i reckon he was just doing what he had to do (in his sick thinking) to survive....and that meant finding a woman, any woman, to support him.

i still find myself feeling very much still married to him in spirit. and i find myself feeling that even tho he went and got married.....it was not a true marriage, because we were still married in spirit. and i know i need to work on that warped thinking.

still have a lot of inner reflection to do and work on.

thanks everyone for your support.....it means the world to me.

size 4
 

I don't mean to be a jerk, but I wear a size 4 and am 5' 7". And I am not happy about it, I've lost about 15 pounds over the last month due to stress and depression. That woman sounds like a twit, but holy heck I do not come to this board to feel worse about myself.

That is all.

How did i miss this thread!! As someone who has been upto a size 22 at one time and now a size 14/16, obviously she has major issues if all she has to pick on is weight!!! You were awesome with your reaction, i envy that as i'm closed mouthed most of the time!! She's probably sitting back feeling crappy about herself because how does weight relate to a single thing!! Good for you!!!

"how could he leave ME?????" "how could he have done THOSE things??"
"why was he so cruel?" "but i thought he loved me!"

I have those same thoughts at times too! This LOSER of a man who berated me in public? Who without so much as a goodbye takes up with another woman, puts a ring on her finger, buys her a car, takes her on vacation? All because she says nothing about his addiction, doesn't care that he'll drop dead at any time. And I am JEALOUS? My logical brain says good riddance to such a liar and cheat, and some stupid part of my brain has sour grapes because she gets the goodies! I just have to focus more on the horrible parts of putting up with him and the complete decline of a human.

"He just wasn't following my plan at all"

But was it all YOUR plan? Didn't he say or do things to make you believe it wasn't just fantasy, that he really intended to have a future with you? You cannot blame yourself entirely when the A spins a pretty good web.

I don't think the intent was to down on size 4 women, or any sized women. It's not about what size you are at all, but what you think about yourself in general. That particular size 4 woman acted like a turd, that doesn't mean us larger sized women think that all size 4 women are the same.

good luck.....sorry if it came across that way. i was ranting about how THIS particular size 4 woman attacked me in public by calling me a big fat cow. and she kept saying......"and i'm a size 4!".....like that was the magic ingredient to him not leaving her. like she felt that her size defined all she was and i was less than her because i'm a size 16.

my friend is a size 4 and is beautiful inside and out. i certainly don't hold it against her....lol.....

my thread is about this womans perspective about her size and my size, and my reaction to being confronted by her in public. that's all.....i would never put someone down for being a size 4 or a size 44......although i did want to call her some names for being so cruel to me.

hugs to you
jeri

and i'm so sorry that you are so depressed and stressed.....keep coming around and posting....i wish you a peaceful evening

It was a great and honorable gesture that you extended the Al-Anon program to her instead of getting mad and treating her poorly when she deserved to be treated that way. I guess the program really does work if you can remain so peaceful and even laugh in the face of such an insulting and crazy woman. Bravo! And not to be completely codependent and take it personally (but I will), I am less than a size 2 most of the time and I'm only 5'4". I have a small frame but I don't look like an ant. I'm just saying. :)

Jenny

hey jenny

she looked like an ant to me because i was jealous of her and she insulted me. that's my issues to work on.....i was lashing out about her because of the jealousy and the insult. still have work to do on myself on that one.

i know there are millions of beautifully spirited smaller size women out there....but at that time, i wanted to squash her really.

to all the smaller size women out there......please understand i was lashing out at HER.......she called me a big fat cow! that was not nice. neither was alot of the things i said about her, i know.

i'm sorry. i am not directing any of this except to her.