lostnfound1961

Welcome and HUGS to you. My mom and dad were alcoholics and my mom was a mess and used to go crazy all the time. I was the one who saved her and my sister was the one who hated her for what she was doing to us and my brother was the one she hit when she was out of controle.

I can remember being about 6 or 7 and wondering to my self why I had changed. It was like I died and this sad person had taken controle of my body. I rememebr being carefree and laughing and just being a kid full of joy but that day I realized that was gone and had been for a while.

Beleive me, Your husband may not be drinking in front of them now.... but he will. He may not go crazy in front of them now..... but he will.

I swore I would never have kids because I cared too much to get pregnent, give birth to a beautiful baby and then at some point become my mom and steel their joy. No one should do that to anyone and certinly not to defencless children.

Sorry, I know my life is not yours but I know what it's like from the kids point of view.
D

LaTeeDa

My mother was the sober parent and I have more anger and resentment towards her than my dad who was the alcoholic. Many adult children of alcoholics will tell you the same thing. And, my children have more anger toward me than their dad--the alcoholic. We codependents think we are the sane ones, holding it all together, protecting the children from the craziness of the alcoholic. Nothing could be further from the truth.....

L

Barbara52

I resented both parents for not being parents and protecting me and my brothers. I resented them both equally.

My question to all the adults around me back then was why the hell didn't you do something to protect me and my brothers? Why did you allow mom and dad to emotionally and physically abuse me and my brothers? Why did everyone just pretend everything was hunky dorey?

It took me years to get over that, well into my 20s. And it still effects me to this day. What a surprise I married an alcoholic in my late 40s.

laauhe

Well we talked....

And he says he will get help. He said when he did go to the aa meeting before (about a year ago) , he didnt like it because he felt forced to talk in front of people and he wasnt ready. He tried to call a friend who currently has been dry for about 2 years and still attends meetings and is going to give it a try with him. I only about 20% believe him. I am giving alnon serious thought because I know it all will not go away for me after the drinking stops.

Stay tuned.... (we all know how this works!!)

Inahurry

LaTeedah, can you share why it is that you felt the resentment towards your sober parent? What was it that you wanted, with hindsight, that she should have done? Why did you not feel anger towards your alcoholic father?

many thanks for your insight

LaTeeDa

Oh, I did feel anger towards my father. The resentment I feel towards my mother is for her INACTION. She had the power (in my eyes) to DO SOMETHING about my life and she didn't. Even after my father died, she continued to be controlled by circumstances and people rather than taking charge of her life, and her children's lives. It seemed we lived at the mercy of my father, and later at the mercy of the whole world. She taught me to be powerless and it took me till the age of 43 to unlearn that lesson.

L

Inahurry

Thanks a lot for that, it does make sense, and it does reinforce to me that my future is in my hands and not in anyone else's. I don't want our children to grow up walking on eggshells, not having people round in case dad is drunk, or seeing their mother beside herself with frustration.