irelandx7

Saying how much he loved me and the kids, and that's he's trying. He said he "sorta feels like LEAVING LAS VEGAS."

Then he emails me this morning saying "Did you read my letter?" Yeah, but it really doesn't mean anything to me since I've heard it all before.

I am becoming "detached" I think, but I really don't like how "hardened" I'm becomin. Can you be "detached" yet still loving and caring? Or is "detaching" a form of love, like tough love?

denny57

Yes, I can.

I don't like the expression tough love. I think the word love can stand on its own quite nicely.

For me, it was rethinking what love was and how I expressed it.

miss communicat

I like that. And, I would add that for me, it has been about rethinking love, and how I express it TO MYSELF.

If I truly accept and love myself, then it will show in how I relate to others and in what I take in. If honesty is important to me, and it is, then I love myself by becoming more self honest. When I am self honest, people either dont even try to BS me, or if they do, I am just not interested and they leave my life.

There is nothing tough about it. Its all love.

young2010

I have attended two Al-anon meetings and they preach detachment. I think I am becoming like you somehow pulling away from the one I love. How do you do both?

CE Girl

DETACH - To separate or unfasten; disconnect: detach a check from the checkbook; detach burs from one's coat.

that's the definition in good ole Websters. Does the checkbook still not exist when you rip the check out? Or the bur bush continue sticking on someone elses coat? When we seperate, what we seperate from no longer is a part of us.

For me, the message I get in the rooms of al anon is to seperate myself from the DISEASE. Not the person. I have learned compassion and fogiveness using this definition for my XA. i can tell you, its far better than the anger, resentment and toxicity of my disease. And HIS disease of alcoholism. I beleive we are all destined to make our own PERSONAL decisions about if we can detach in the relationship or need to be out to fully heal.

I think there is unity in the rooms in regards to that thought process.

It took me a while. I had to keep going, and keep listening before I FINALLY heard the message

Peace

LaTeeDa

I just knew there was an old post that perfectly answers those questions. So I went and found it.

Here you go:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rty-lines.html

L