No contact with kids
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
No contact with kids
Hi, I am having no contact with my AexBF/sons father.
it is almost seven days, and I feel pretty decent compared to the last few weeks. It is hard, and I feel naked, but I know that I cant handle any interaction with him right now.
Quick backrground; He is homeless, jobless, and has not supported our 2 1/2 year old at all. I am alone, running out of money, and lost a job in March. I have been freelancing, but fall is not the season for my work. He has been ordeed to go to rehab by the court for domestic abuse, and has not(as far as I know) begun doing that.
His mom is being very supportive of my choice to maintain no contact. She also watches my son for an overnight once a week.
My A had been calling 4 times a day, i just let the phone ring, and he was leaving messages containing all kinds of venom, and accusations. The messages would progress throughout the day, as his drinking did, and at 3am they would be especially angry.
Then they slowed down, and then on Sunday night he left only one message saying that he knows I am not answering his calls, and he understands why, but... He really needs to see his son. His son was at his moms' almost the whole weekend, and even was when he called. Apparently he did not want to see him that bad, or he would have just gone there.
My dilemma is this; Aside from the withdrawal from drama, and chaos that I am going through,I still know that he loves my son..that he is sick, but my son also loves him.
Should I let him see his son? Since he has no home, it is tricky as to how that could happen without compromising my no contact, and my sanity.I will not be having no contact FOREVER. Just until I get back to being strong enough to not feed into the chaos.I have no idea how long that might take, though.
I do NOT want to deprive him of his sons love, or watching him grow, but, he is a con man. I am not even sure if he is actually trying to see his son, or just trying to get me to engage.
Anybody been in this situation? with kids and no contact?
Its hard enough feeling so alone, and that I am walking away from someone who is struggling to find reasons to live for...I get conflicted feelings about depriving him of his sons beautiful light.
I am grateful for any help, SR is a blessing in my life!!
it is almost seven days, and I feel pretty decent compared to the last few weeks. It is hard, and I feel naked, but I know that I cant handle any interaction with him right now.
Quick backrground; He is homeless, jobless, and has not supported our 2 1/2 year old at all. I am alone, running out of money, and lost a job in March. I have been freelancing, but fall is not the season for my work. He has been ordeed to go to rehab by the court for domestic abuse, and has not(as far as I know) begun doing that.
His mom is being very supportive of my choice to maintain no contact. She also watches my son for an overnight once a week.
My A had been calling 4 times a day, i just let the phone ring, and he was leaving messages containing all kinds of venom, and accusations. The messages would progress throughout the day, as his drinking did, and at 3am they would be especially angry.
Then they slowed down, and then on Sunday night he left only one message saying that he knows I am not answering his calls, and he understands why, but... He really needs to see his son. His son was at his moms' almost the whole weekend, and even was when he called. Apparently he did not want to see him that bad, or he would have just gone there.
My dilemma is this; Aside from the withdrawal from drama, and chaos that I am going through,I still know that he loves my son..that he is sick, but my son also loves him.
Should I let him see his son? Since he has no home, it is tricky as to how that could happen without compromising my no contact, and my sanity.I will not be having no contact FOREVER. Just until I get back to being strong enough to not feed into the chaos.I have no idea how long that might take, though.
I do NOT want to deprive him of his sons love, or watching him grow, but, he is a con man. I am not even sure if he is actually trying to see his son, or just trying to get me to engage.
Anybody been in this situation? with kids and no contact?
Its hard enough feeling so alone, and that I am walking away from someone who is struggling to find reasons to live for...I get conflicted feelings about depriving him of his sons beautiful light.
I am grateful for any help, SR is a blessing in my life!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: media, pa
Posts: 243
I don't know your husband, but he sounds very angry with all those voicemail messages. He doesn't get to ream you out over the phone but at least he can leave you nasty messages.
If he had an opportunity to see his son, assuming he knew he was at his mother's house, then I'd be less inclined to think he 'genuinely' wants to see him. However, and this is a big however, I don't know him so my judgment is based totally off your post.
Do you suspect he wants to see his son so he can ream you out in person?
If he had an opportunity to see his son, assuming he knew he was at his mother's house, then I'd be less inclined to think he 'genuinely' wants to see him. However, and this is a big however, I don't know him so my judgment is based totally off your post.
Do you suspect he wants to see his son so he can ream you out in person?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
As a single mother I had to be very creative in making a living. Do something else to earn money until your freelance picks up again.
I had no problem with no contact between my sons and their father. I had no desire to teach them his version of what love is. Love feeds and supports its children. Love nurtures and it visits, it hugs and calls. Your child has the cards stacked against him already. Nothing wrong with setting some criteria for future visits.
I had no problem with no contact between my sons and their father. I had no desire to teach them his version of what love is. Love feeds and supports its children. Love nurtures and it visits, it hugs and calls. Your child has the cards stacked against him already. Nothing wrong with setting some criteria for future visits.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
.......parenting is the grandest privilege we will ever have bestowed upon us......
How can it be told any better than this? It cannot-children have a fragile mind and need that positive reinforcement in their lives and it sounds to me IMHO he is not providing such a positive outlook on how life is suppose to flow!
To answer your question NO!
Hang in there....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
If you trust his mother, you can arrange supervised visits at her home while she is there. That way you don't have to have contact and he can see his son. But make it clear to him and his mom that the visit is to be only at her house and that your AH is not totake your son anywhere.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Buffalo66 
I do NOT want to deprive him of his sons love, or watching him grow, but, he is a con man. I am not even sure if he is actually trying to see his son, or just trying to get me to engage.
I get conflicted feelings about depriving him of his sons beautiful light.
I get conflicted feelings about depriving him of his sons beautiful light.
You are concerned about the wrong person here. Your highest responsibility is to your son. Your concern should be what is best for him, not the A. You're worried about depriving him of his son's love and light?????? What about your son????? What is the best FOR THE CHILD? Let the A figure out his own stuff, your job is to do what's best FOR YOUR CHILD.
L
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
It is probably more important for your son to see you moving forward and being a stable parent to him rather than seeing his very sick father. Active A's will use ANYTHING as a manipulation including their kids.
Ngaire
Ngaire
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