I'm divorced
 

I'm divorced. :(

The judge signed the papers today and it's done. It's over. 12 years of my life just like that.
I'm so numb and emotional at the same time.

I'm divorced. How am I ever going to be able to say that out loud!?! :(

(((((chero))))))

i know the feeling, babe. give it time.

i went through a mourning period after my divorce, just like i had a death in my family.

but ya know what? i continued to work on myself and to get myself real healthy in mind, spirit, and soul.

my ex hit a bottom that changed him. he is now going to school and will be an addiction counselor. he is a different person. i know this is a very guarded situation, because i know it could change in an instant. but i'm so grateful for his change. i pray he will continue to follow the path to recovery.

he is back in my life on a very strict, boundry controlled basis and it is wonderful. i'm going to enjoy it while it is here, and just observe.

there is always hope. maybe your hubs will find his own way.

much love to you ((((((chero))))))
jeri

Wow, Chero. I found a great sense of closure after it was all over. I didn't realize how very stressful the process of divorce was! It's hard because I really don't like being ALONE very much, but my life is better than it was without a doubt. Take care.

I know it hurts...but think about your future and know that it is much BRIGHTER than the past. Hugs and prayers for you.

I remeber the first time I typed that word in an email to my sister. God, it took me a good twenty minutes just to get the courage to type it. For me at the time divorce was equal to failure. And I also felt like those years were wasted. (20 for me)

Now I know that divorce does not mean failure. You are not a failure, you are a survivor. I wrote that before and someone picked it up for their signature. :) Those years were not a waste because they brought you to where you are today. And even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you are better, stronger, and wiser because of the lessons learned during those years. It's only natural to mourn the loss, but remember, those years were spent learning tough life lessons. Make the most of them, and you will never have to learn them again.

L

Have a big (((( hug ))))), cuz you deserve it.

Yes, those words are full of old baggage, took me a good sponsor and a fourth step to get rid of the _emotional baggage_ I had attached to the words.

So until you are able to say the words, how about you try these on and see if they feel better : "I have left behind the coccoon of the caterpillar, and have set myself free like the butterfly I was always meant to be".

I learned those at an al-anon meet ;)

Mike :)

BIG HUGS! Chero, Best Always!

To add to what Mike quoted, "What the caterpiller calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly!"

But it was a 12 year span of learning, growth, and, personal achievement too!

Sure, it hurts now. And I'm sorry for the pain that you are feeling. But in time, as you begin upon this new chapter in your life, little by little the pain will lessen.

A whole new world is beginning to open up for you. This new world can be filled with positive and nurturing choices for you as you begin to apply all that you have learned about life, experience, and, you! It may be difficult to view it that way right now, understandably so. But you will one day....one step at a time.

Chero,

Well a new beginning is upon you full of endless possibilities.
You have a chance now given to you to move in a different direction.

I think it’s time if you can to go out and treat yourself to something nice.

Chero ~ When XAH and I split, I decided to take back my maiden name. Since I work in a school, lots of the kids know me by my married name. Many colleagues didn't realize I had even been divorced over the summer.
It's been difficult acknowledging that I've been divorced, and i'm still getting used to my maiden name again. But little by little, I'm finding the process liberating. The kids I help still like me even if I'm divorced ~ colleagues are commenting that they've noticed I look younger, and chalk it up to the divorce now that they know. Not one person has condemned me, treated me differently, or passed judgement. And when people offer me "I'm sorry", I can truly thank them for their concern, but let them know the divorce was really a positve thing.
It took me a couple of months to get here, and I know you will too. Grieve the loss of your dreams, accept them as dreams and not reality. Your future is now filled with "I can" instead of limitation. Decide what you want, who you want to be, and how you want to get there. Ask your HP to get you through. Feel your pain, acknowledge your responsibilites, and go out and live the life you deserve.
((((((chero)))))) A hug from one reluctant divorcee to another. I promise it'll get better.

hey chero .. lots of hugs to you ...
I rmbr when you left . Im feeling a little bit of emotion myself after reading this . its seems it went so fast .
Im so sorry you are in this position that you are in. I know from personal experience that when I keep my head up and move forward with dignity and pride it seems to bring the color back into my life .
I'll will pray for you .. and for him .. and wish you both the best .
M

thanks everyone!

i'm feeling a bit better today. i still don't feel like i've gotten the chance to grieve the loss i feel. i'm just putting it off for another day, i guess--when i have time to cry.

it dawned on me tonight that he doesn't even know it's over. he signed away his right to be there and then signed the papers prior to me appearing before the judge. he didn't know when it was going to happen. so, he doesn't know.

that just seems sad to me.

anyway....i survived today and suddenly the whole concept of baby steps seems so much more meaningful. i never wanted to be here but here i am. so, i can lay down and die or get up, brush myself off and keep going.
gosh, i almost sound optimistic. that feels a little scary.

but, thanks for keeping me going, you guys! i don't know where i'd be without your encouragement and truthful and brutally honest words over the past few months.
SR has been my lifeline!

((Chero))

Be gentle with yourself!

blessings to you chero...
i am right behind you by about a week, and feel your pain, confusion and disbelief...
but, i keep thinking,
that it just has to get better...
it has to...

He will be sent a letter from the court telling him it's over.

((((((((((((((((((Chero))))))))))))))))))))

It took me and is still taking me what seems like forever to get used to saying that I too am divorced.....but we have to remember that we loved who they where supposed to be not who they were.....we just went through life with them with rose colored glasses on ...... be gentle with yourself ok....and remember we are all in this together.

when i got divorced, it felt so weird to not wear my ring. so i bought a 7 carat whiskey quartz, marquise cut, 14k gold ring and replaced it for my wedding rings.

i thought the whiskey quartz for very befitting for the occasion.

Here's a hug for you((CHERO)). You deserve a huge chocolate icrecream with sprinkles and whip cream. Then, a nice dip in the jacuzzi. Jump into a fluffy bed with an oh so comfy pillow and paint your toes!

I think a lot of us here know the pain. Even if we no longer love that person, the pain of actually divorcing is difficult.

It takes time, but you will start to feel better and brighter.

Take care of your self daily.

Being divorced means you have taken the steps to reclaim your life, a life you deserve. Maybe you can have those things you dreamed about, things you couldn't have in your marriage. Each day is new, full of new possibilities. God has good thing in store for you, I know it. Just have faith.

Chero :Val004:

I was not ever divorced although going through ending of any relationship you can get these numb feelings. I know when my husband died I did...

Hang in there sweetie be gentle with yourself- do what you need to do then when you are ready you will carry on. We just do!

:Val004: