wyshy

After years of living with it, I plan to pursue divorce since my AW shows no sign that she is willing to seek treatment. After meeting with lawyers, I am told that I will still be supporting her financially because we have been married 20 years and she has no income. I don't want to toss her to the streets but it seems to me I will STILL be the "enabler" in this relationship. She will lay around her apartment and drink waiting on my monthly check. This is nuts. Any comments?

Barbara52

Just how alimony is awarded and for how long varies greatly from state to state. Your AW may get alimony for a while. She may not. In VA and MD, its given for reasonably short periods of time because the underlying assumption is that an adult can support themselves. A lot of time the alimony is given for a year or 2 on the condition that the ex gets job training.

But even if you do end up paying alimony, well its only money and something you wouldn't have a lot of choice in. Getting out of the marriage would be worth it, wouldn't it?

If it counts as enabling, it would be court ordered enabling. And you may be able to attached contions to it that will lead the court to get involved in court ordered treatment/rehab.

dollydo

Normally, alimony is given for several years, so, the needy spouse can get back on their feet...it is not a life long committment, staying married can be.

Agree to what you are comfortable with, and nothing more. That's why you have an attorney, to represent you. Lay out what you will agree to and what you won't, let them go thru the legal process. Alimony is no longer a life long boat anchor.

denny57

Only a judge can decide. I have several friends who were awarded lifetime support. Every situation is different.

ARealLady

Ditto what denny said.

I am a case in point. Married 21+ years and been separated legally for 3.5 but due to the length of the marriage I get lifetime support. I work part-time and I am also re-training this year so as to be less financially dependent....but that is because I want to.

My suggestion is that you get yourself a good lawyer and be honest about everything in your marriage.

Sorry to read this.

ARL

wyshy

Her mother, sister, children, friends, etc have given up on her. I am the last one in her life and her outlook is not good without me around. It is hard to pull the plug because even though I hate her drinking and what it has done to her, I care about her and do not want to see her suffer. Treatment has been made available to her but she will not do it. I don't mind paying the alimony, it just seems like the ultimate enabling situation.

denny57

I see what you're saying, but if it's court ordered, it's not enabling. What she does with it is her responsibility. It's not a gift you are giving her in the hopes she chooses sobriety. It's a tough situation. ((()))