He found out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 209
He found out
Back in August my Ah called one day and said he was going to take $200.00 out of the checking account to pay the power bill for the house that he's staying at. I begged him not to do it becuase I needed the money to pay bills at our own house.
The next day I went to the bank and closed the checking and savings account, along with our son's savings account. I opened a new account in my name only at a different bank.
This morning AH calls and tells me he's getting his cell phone fixed and it was going to cost $35.00 and it would be on the next bill. He said he had worked with his Dad yesterday and he had given him a check for the work. He told me he was going to give me the $ to pay foe the cell phone repair, but first he had to go to the bank to tcash the check. I was so shocked that I forgot to tell him the checking account was closed. He goes to the bank to cash the check and they tell him the account has been closed for a month.
Talk about one ugly phone call. He said I purposely didn't tell him what I had done just to embarrass him. Plus, he told me that this was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I explained to him why I did it and he told me he would never have taken the $ out of the checking account anyway. I told him that I didn't know that and I was trying to protect the money we had. Of course, that still wasn't good enough. He kept telling me what a stupid move I had made. I just couldn't make him understand that wasn't trying to embarrass him, I just forgot the account was closed.
Then, he brings up the fact that I won't let him come home. So, once again I have to tell him why. He still insists that he has to drink so he doesn't get shaky (can we say,"I have a problem?"). He says he knows he needs help, but he still hasn't done anything about it.
After that I felt so bad for hurting him!! Then a voice of reason ( my mother
) told me that I shouldn't feel bad I didn't try to embarrass him. I jst forgot about the account. AND, I did it because he was going to take the money (or so he said).
Thank God for my mother!!!
The next day I went to the bank and closed the checking and savings account, along with our son's savings account. I opened a new account in my name only at a different bank.
This morning AH calls and tells me he's getting his cell phone fixed and it was going to cost $35.00 and it would be on the next bill. He said he had worked with his Dad yesterday and he had given him a check for the work. He told me he was going to give me the $ to pay foe the cell phone repair, but first he had to go to the bank to tcash the check. I was so shocked that I forgot to tell him the checking account was closed. He goes to the bank to cash the check and they tell him the account has been closed for a month.
Talk about one ugly phone call. He said I purposely didn't tell him what I had done just to embarrass him. Plus, he told me that this was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I explained to him why I did it and he told me he would never have taken the $ out of the checking account anyway. I told him that I didn't know that and I was trying to protect the money we had. Of course, that still wasn't good enough. He kept telling me what a stupid move I had made. I just couldn't make him understand that wasn't trying to embarrass him, I just forgot the account was closed.
Then, he brings up the fact that I won't let him come home. So, once again I have to tell him why. He still insists that he has to drink so he doesn't get shaky (can we say,"I have a problem?"). He says he knows he needs help, but he still hasn't done anything about it.
After that I felt so bad for hurting him!! Then a voice of reason ( my mother
) told me that I shouldn't feel bad I didn't try to embarrass him. I jst forgot about the account. AND, I did it because he was going to take the money (or so he said).Thank God for my mother!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We protect our money to assure our own responsibilities can be taken care of.
One of the first pieces of advice I would give any codie, mom, spouse or sister, is hide your money and hide your valuables. The reason is that addicts steal.
He is active in his disease. That means he cannot be trusted (or his disease cannot be trusted) no matter how good his intentions.
You did the right thing. If he's upset about it, it's on him. He is the one who is not trustworthy or responsible.
I like your mom.
Hugs
One of the first pieces of advice I would give any codie, mom, spouse or sister, is hide your money and hide your valuables. The reason is that addicts steal.
He is active in his disease. That means he cannot be trusted (or his disease cannot be trusted) no matter how good his intentions.
You did the right thing. If he's upset about it, it's on him. He is the one who is not trustworthy or responsible.
I like your mom.
Hugs
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
I would have done the same thing, and just think, would he have even cared if the shoe were on the other foot and you were the one trying to cash that check? He probably would have shrugged it off, "I forgot to tell you" and that would be the end of his thought about it. Let it go...your intentions were good.....proctecting what you had, you had no evil motives. Hang in there....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
Don't feel guilty! My AH called me from work sat having a fit because his ATM card did not work, accused me of emptying our joint acct, I told him to get a grip and call the bank, guess what? HIS CARD WAS EXPIRED! (he did not bother to look and they sent the new card to our old house).
Now if he closed an account or spent all of your money do you think he would feel bad? No it would be "no big deal", it's only important if they have to do without!
Now if he closed an account or spent all of your money do you think he would feel bad? No it would be "no big deal", it's only important if they have to do without!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 52
Well - I think he should have been told the account was closed. And exactly why. That's fair. And that's setting a healthy boundary.
A drinking alcoholic cannot be trusted with our money, I agree. They should have their own account.
We just need to open one for ourselves in our name.
That part was an excellent idea!
A drinking alcoholic cannot be trusted with our money, I agree. They should have their own account.
We just need to open one for ourselves in our name.
That part was an excellent idea!
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
I have my own accounts and am socking money away. Some day it may get me a new car or it might just get me my great escape!
I say think Karma. If you did not do it with bad intentions, then it is not bad Karma for you. If he is an ass about it then he is the one who gets the bad Karma. We are all resposable for our self's.
I can't make you be good, and I can't make you be bad. Only you can make you what you are.
D
I say think Karma. If you did not do it with bad intentions, then it is not bad Karma for you. If he is an ass about it then he is the one who gets the bad Karma. We are all resposable for our self's.
I can't make you be good, and I can't make you be bad. Only you can make you what you are.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Unstable State
Posts: 95
You were only protecting you self.
My AW drained our account once, ~30k my tax money. Called the cops and they told me it was community property. She did give it back a week later and I keep my money in my own account now. I even killed any joint credit cards we had. Don't trust the disease.
My AW drained our account once, ~30k my tax money. Called the cops and they told me it was community property. She did give it back a week later and I keep my money in my own account now. I even killed any joint credit cards we had. Don't trust the disease.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i did the same thing......and i felt it was the right thing for me to do. he was draining all of our financial resources because he was in active addiction. he was irresponsible and inconsiderate of the basic living expenses....his only concern was getting money to drink and rent motel rooms to isolate and drink.
it's all about consequences for me.....the consequences of his behavior and actions resulted in him not having access to our accounts so that he could finish destroying our financical situation.
don't worry about it....you did the right thing....imo
it's all about consequences for me.....the consequences of his behavior and actions resulted in him not having access to our accounts so that he could finish destroying our financical situation.
don't worry about it....you did the right thing....imo
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
Ah yes money/financial issues. In my opinion financial problems are the second biggest drain on a relationship when you live with an alcoholic. I do the bills in my house and I looked at our statement and there were no less than 16 different trips the liquor store and beer drive through in one recent 2 week period.
Shortly after that I opened a new account to have my check deposited into and I pay all the bills out of that now. Not a popular decision in my AW's eyes let me tell you but I HAD to do it.
Suzie, dont feel guilty about it. Things get to a point where we have to look out for the best thing for the family and our life.
Shortly after that I opened a new account to have my check deposited into and I pay all the bills out of that now. Not a popular decision in my AW's eyes let me tell you but I HAD to do it.
Suzie, dont feel guilty about it. Things get to a point where we have to look out for the best thing for the family and our life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: iowa
Posts: 93
Similar situation with my stbxah - I had gone to the gas station where we have had a charge account for years (AH actually started the charge account before we were married) and told them I wanted his name off my account.
When he got back from a one month treatment and went to charge gas (he wasn't living with us) - they wanted to know where he was working before they would charge to him - they wanted to make sure he'd pay the bill.
But boy did I hear about it, what did I think I was doing. And I really didn't do anything - I just wanted my own charge without his name on it.
I was tired of him charging gas $10 & $25 per day. He hadn't even working - how could he possibly go thru that much gas - unless he was filling gas for friends to get cash for beer.
I was just protecting my credit and trying to save my paycheck from his poor spending habits.
When he got back from a one month treatment and went to charge gas (he wasn't living with us) - they wanted to know where he was working before they would charge to him - they wanted to make sure he'd pay the bill.
But boy did I hear about it, what did I think I was doing. And I really didn't do anything - I just wanted my own charge without his name on it.
I was tired of him charging gas $10 & $25 per day. He hadn't even working - how could he possibly go thru that much gas - unless he was filling gas for friends to get cash for beer.
I was just protecting my credit and trying to save my paycheck from his poor spending habits.
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