guineapigjude

Heather, it sounds like you're getting some great tools in your toolbox! We all have our moments where we seem to be going backward ... you've come so far in recognizing those moments for what they are and pulling out the right tool to start correcting the problem! It's an ongoing battle, and some days, frankly, I find it infinitely easier to wallow in my obsession. But we all know that when you let yourself wallow, you are soon sucked in over your head an unable to breathe.
Baby steps. We'll get through!

cagefree

cdk - I was a bit impatient as well.

Once I realized how codie I was, I wanted to swat it off as though I realized a mosquito was sucking my blood.

Lots of work, guided by my therapist. I read, journal'd and re-read what I had written and underlined every codie thing I wrote.

To stop the cycle, I had to recognize, then combat those negative thoughts. Recognition is the first step - you are there! Good for you! Now, keep track of it and combat those negative or unhealthy thoughts with positive affirmations. You are slowly changing how your brain thinks...bit by bit. One day, you'll surprise yourself.

The best way to stop obsessing is to focus on yourself, do the work, and enjoy the rewards you receive from your hard work. You might not see rewards yet, which is why it's so difficult. Keep at it and you'll get there!

cdk1972

I so appreciate everyone's response. They always make me think-and feel better-at least at some point. I had a bad night. cried so hard feeling worthless and that i will never heal-i'm too far gone to heal-but that can't be true, i know. i just need to figure out how to do it. how to take the first step. my self esteem is so far shot that every time i try to be nice to myself, it feels awkward and wrong. not sure where this came from or where it started; i guess that's what i have to figure out. i read and reread these posts constantly. hopefully someday it will sink iN!

hbb

((((())))) hugs...i'm so sorry your feeling like this today. I know exactly how you feel with your self esteem. I too have ALWAYS had that problem, doesn't matter who you are. To be honest with you, i think the reason i'm personally having a hard time letting go is because like you said self esteem and self ego. It boggles my mind how i basically walked on water for my xabf to turn around and leave me. I was like who does he think he is leaving me...but you know what it's EXACLTY like Appleblaster said, he doesn't hate YOU, he has issues with HIMSELF. My x flat out said to me "how can i love and take care of you if i don't even like myself". Took a while but now that my fog is lifting it's true. He would know he should do certain everyday nice things for me but just couldn't and didn't know why, didn't have it in him. There is no easy way, wish there was, just a process we have to go through.

I too have good and bad days, it's natural and if you think for one second (like i did) that your ex is not thinking about you, that's not true. Ask the ladies here i obsessed over every nook and cranny of every possible thought that was going through his head.....for Pete's sake, i created a wonderful world for him in my head...not the case. Just keep doing what your doing, and i agree, fake it till you make it. I know it feels weird but eventually you will laugh again for real Drop me a note anytime.