Wascally Wabbit

There's a good reason they suggest 6 months. It's because if you attend alanon regularly, and you actually work the program, YOU (hot him) change. Your thinking changes and you see things in a different light.

With that being said, you don't have to attend alanon to know when you've had enough. Some things are just too much to live with.
But, it is wise to seek counsel before making any life changing decisions.

Lady BlueMiles

They are telling me that I should waiting six months to a year(while actively attending meetings)before I make the decision to end this relationship. Some of the others at the meeting said after you starting making changes in yourself you may see things differently.

I was given the same suggestion at my meetings. I don't think it would be appropriate in all situations especially in abusive situations. But, I'm beginning to see the wisdom in it in my situation. I realize I've become very sick. I was a mess when I found this board. 5 weeks ago I was mentally paralyzed, filled with fear, confused, emotionally numb, didn't know up from down or which way to go or who to turn to, felt controlled and trapped in a hopeless situation with a verbally abusive alcoholic WITHOUT A CLUE how to help myself and crying all the time. Not a good frame of mind for making decisions.

I've changed alot in just 5 weeks. But I'm not prepared yet to walk away the way I want to. When I leave I don't want to look back or have any more contact. So I'm dealing with alot of the practical stuff now because I can't afford to leave and hand it all over to a lawyer.

Plus I need some recovery time learning to detach and focus on me. There's no point moving if I take it all with me inside.