How to deal with sister!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
How to deal with sister!
I have posted over hear before about my sister who was in jail for 6mos for DWI's and violation of probation. She cant afford her house so she has moved her and her 3 kids in with our dad. Who is a recovering alcoholic for about 17yrs now. The rules were my sister is NOT to drink while living there and her bf also told her if she drinks they are done also. Well before she got out she told my nieces that she DOESNT have a problem and she still plans on drinking. My nieces were very upset cause they worry about her when she drinks they feel as if they have to protect her cause she does stupid things. Well my once niece informed me the other day that my sister waited for my dad to go to bed and paid all the girls 5 bucks to keep thier mouths shut and she snuck out and went to the bar.
I'm so angry I really wanna say something I mean she is hurting her kids. My mom has convinced the kids that NON of this is my sisters fault she is sick. So when you say something they say but its not mommys fault. ARGH it is she made these choices she did this.... My mom will defend her and stick up for her no matter what she does. She was my moms favorite. Should I say something to her about paying the kids I mean they were upset about it. I think its wrong what is she teaching her children? I guess I'm wondering should I sit back and watch her hang herself so to speak or should I step in at least for the kids who stayed with me most of the time she was in jail.
I know from my father and the few alanon meetings I've been too that I didnt cause it, cant cure it, cant control it. I guess I'm at a loss I mean I did tell her once the people who DONT have problems usually dont end up in jail ya know....
I'm so angry I really wanna say something I mean she is hurting her kids. My mom has convinced the kids that NON of this is my sisters fault she is sick. So when you say something they say but its not mommys fault. ARGH it is she made these choices she did this.... My mom will defend her and stick up for her no matter what she does. She was my moms favorite. Should I say something to her about paying the kids I mean they were upset about it. I think its wrong what is she teaching her children? I guess I'm wondering should I sit back and watch her hang herself so to speak or should I step in at least for the kids who stayed with me most of the time she was in jail.
I know from my father and the few alanon meetings I've been too that I didnt cause it, cant cure it, cant control it. I guess I'm at a loss I mean I did tell her once the people who DONT have problems usually dont end up in jail ya know....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
Sorry to hear you are going through this......any husband in the picture that can help? I am separated from my wife now but I still beat myself up that I didn't do more to stop my AW from driving drunk with my kids in the car! I was lucky that she never had an accident. Seems illogical to me now that I didn't stop her but we were in the "it's not her fault" mode. The kids are the victims here and you should get some support from other family, friends and consult a lawyer to determine your options. Most of all your responsibilty is to protect the kids from an irresponsible drunk.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 112
Recently, I was at a family weekend at a rehab center for sister#1, who is trying to recover. While there, I asked the counselors what to do about sister#2, who is not recovering and continues to drink in front of her 2 small children. Their response was that that is child abuse and they said the best thing was to call DFS (dept. of family services). I am not ready to do that, but maybe you are?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Thanks no husband just a boyfriend who has about had it with her too. He has made ultimatums but I dont think he will follow through plus she does everything behind his back so he knows nothing. I kinda wanna put a bug in his ear but dont want to start alot of problems either.
Her one DWI my one niece was in the car and she was terrified but that still didnt stop my sister. I guess she has to hit her own bottom and I would think loosing her house, job, income, and jail would have been it but I guess as long as she thinks she doesnt have a problem there is nothing i can do. Its just frustrating. I'm debating telling her that if I find out she pays the kids again to go out drinking there will be some consequences. Do you think that would help and least keep the kids out of her problems.
Her one DWI my one niece was in the car and she was terrified but that still didnt stop my sister. I guess she has to hit her own bottom and I would think loosing her house, job, income, and jail would have been it but I guess as long as she thinks she doesnt have a problem there is nothing i can do. Its just frustrating. I'm debating telling her that if I find out she pays the kids again to go out drinking there will be some consequences. Do you think that would help and least keep the kids out of her problems.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
My opinion is that her feelings don't matter. You have to do what is best for those girls. Call Child Services and ask about your options. You have the chance to HELP them and prevent them from injury if she drives drunk. What's the worst that can happen....she'll be mad at you because you protected her children? Great argument to have......!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
KJ, I want to recommend Alateen if the girls will go. I know some teens wont cause its not cool, but the local group here has several "popular " kids that are doing really well with the program
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
