Making Progress.....I guess
 

Well....no one said this would be easy! Last week I told AW that it was over. We met yesterday to discuss "next steps" because she wanted to. She said I suprised her with the decision I made. Then she said she wanted ME to move out of the house with the kids because it was my decision to end the marriage! Something tells me this won't be a simple process. It's hard to tell the woman you've been married to for 17 years that your tired, worn out, distrustful and plain done but I think not telling her and staying in the marriage is insane! She tells me that she is doing so much better and that other people have seen a huge difference in her since she moved out but its not that I would want to be back with her if she was sober.....I'm done. She might finally be kicking her alcoholism......but that's not why I have decided to split and that can't be why I'm staying. She keeps telling me that we have lots of other problems in our marriage besides her alcoholism. Sounds like alcoholic thinking to me. Even if that were true, I'm 44 years old and don't want to spend 5 years, if she does indeed get healthy, working on our "other" problems. Quite frankly I think many of our "problems" are due to her alcoholism and she still can't see that. Yada, yada, yada....you've all heard this before.

The tough part for me are my boys. They didn't ask for this and although they admit living separated from the Mom is tough, not dealing with the stress of her home and drinking is better. It's so simple for them....."why do we have to go through this, will we have to move, will this affect me going to collage?". I can only love them and give them the chance to be honest about the way they feel. Support, support support!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Translation = How dare you interfere with my drinking, here is the sentence for your crime.

I'm gald you are taking steps to take care of you and your boys.

(((DII)))

If any more proof is needed about the insanity of the disease - a parent who would remove the children from their home in support of their own addiction - that is just crazy thinking.

Take care of you and your children.

If it were me I would want to reduce the impact to my boys lives... like they stay in the same house, same school, same neighborhood , same friends. They are probably old enough to have a say in the custody arrangement?

You can do more than love and support them, you can be their advocate and not let an active addict dictate where they live or who they live with. Man up on this one and you will not regret it. Get a good lawyer.

your sons are lucky to have such a caring parent. blessings, k

You know the first thing I thought of when I read this DII? Gotta be honest here,,,he,he,he

Ya, I dragged myself kicking and screaming into recovery too!!!!

These days, I'm glad I did :)

Your doing good,,,

I found, setting my boundary's helped. Right em down if you have alzheimers like me,,he,he,he,, Or if you just need to be reminded as you take this journey towards peace and serenity for you and your children.

Peace

Your AW says I keep the house and you keep the kids and you all just go someplace!

Did I miss something? Is this the mother of the boys? Can you afford a good lawyer?

Lady BlueMiles, she wants the house AND the kids and have ME move someplace else. She's alcoholic for 5 years and on her own and sober for 60 days and is ready to tell me she is getting a bad deal and wants all the control. I did tell her "no way" and she hasn't pushed it yet....but it's coming!

I can't remember - have you spoken with an attorney yet?

Not yet.......we agreed to go to a mediator first.

The advice I received was no mediation with an active addict - they will never adhere to something they promise. Good luck with it all - I have experienced the insanity - AH had done things I would never have imagined as we work our way through this divorce.

I talked to a lawyer on my own for the sole purpose of getting educated on my rights as a father and what the legal precedence was for my specific property and financial situation. Having this knowledge prior to opening negotiations was with out a doubt the smartest thing I could have done. All I wanted to know was what she was entitled to per the law. It was the best couple hundred I ever spent.

I didn't tell the lawyer I wanted to screw my wife or I was getting screwed, never had that attitude at all. Never said a thing about fault either because it really doesn't matter unless there are really outrageous circumstances. Even if a mother was ignoring the kids for the most part one would still have an uphill battle proving she's unfit, FYI.

Divorce is not fair and there's no justice, it's just painful plain and simple. Be the bigger person and make it as easy on the kids as possible and get it over with as quick as possible BUT, protect your rights as their Father and protect your kids.

Get educated about your options before you attempt mediation. If she doesn't like what she hears from a mediator she'll just get a lawyer anyway. And any good mediator will suggest you each get a lawyer to look over any agreement you come to. You don't have to be mean about it. It's just business. The business of breaking up when the state you live in has jurisdiction and a judge gets the final word if you fail to agree.

And if you ever get married again get a vasectomy and a pre-nup. This advice cost you nothing but it cost me dearly.

sounds like a song LOL :v9