wpgwoman

To cagefree, thank you for your reply. He does not get to decide my fate, or at least I keep telling myself that. I have asked him to leave. His response can change from day to day. " I will never leave my daughter " to " I'm not going anywhere, why don't you leave " to " The only way you'll ever get me to leave my daughter again is to have the police drag me out kicking and screaming " On the rare occasion, he tells me you got what you wanted, I'm looking for an apartment.

I will not take my three children and leave this home. I bought it, I furnished it, I struggled to keep it with little help from him. It is their home, close to their friends, schools and daycare. He is the one who's behavior is inappropriate, he is the one who should leave. He has one person to move, himself. It makes no sense to pack the belongings for four people and put this house on the market, to only not be able to find another home that I can afford.

Sure there are situations that would warrant my leaving, however they are not present. Like I said before, he is very cunning. All of is active addictive behaviors are now indulged behind my back. In places other than my home. That is probably why it took me so long to find out the truth. He sure put on a damn convincing act of playing the devoted husband and father.
Angie

cagefree

Nicely said!

I'm glad you feel entitled - good for you! I also bought my house which XABF resided at for 2 years then kicked him out when I found out he was drinking and lying about it.

During the time I gave my ex 2 weeks to find somewhere else, he went from punishing me in insane ways (like saying we were simply incompatible and he would be glad to live by himself) to hurt me to a complete 180 of how we were making a mistake by splitting to 3 marriage proposals, which he didn't mean cuz he threw me out of his life 6 months later. He didn't care about my feelings at all, it was simply all about what he wasn't going to get anymore, what he felt entitled to, which was overinflated like his ego. Very sad.

wpgwoman

I am darn good at being able to figure out want I want and need, but I really suck at being able to let go and follow through. It is so permanent, so frightening. You second guess yourself so much.
Why should I be the one that feels like such a failure? Yet I do. I hate that he believes that he has done nothing wrong. It was just a few beers once in awhile, what's the big deal?? I want him to finally get the big picture, see what I see, feel what I feel. Sometimes I just want him to disappear.

Barbara52

Have you discussed your situation with an attorney? You may need to in order to force him to leave, if that's waht you want to do. Is his name on the house? Is his name on the mortgage? There's all sorts of things to consider, especially if he will not move out willingly.

I suspect I am going to have to have a judge force the sale of my hosue. I left 2 months ago because I have no emotional ties to that house and want nothing more than it to be sold and get my share of the equity out of it. If unemployed AH can finagle a way to refinance and buy me out, I'd be happy to let him keep the house.

Barbara52

It his disease and all the wonderful denial that goes along with it. It is NOT you! You are not a failure!

FormerDoormat

WPGWoman, I read a simple little book called, "Who Moved My Cheese," that made me realize that the hardest part about change is deciding it's time to get your butt moving. It was the most important book in my quest for recovery. It takes less than an hour to read. Why don't you pick up a copy for yourself? It will help you realize that the sooner you make a change, the sooner you'll be enjoying a rich and fulfilling life.

Let's face it, things can't get any worse than they already are, right?

devil_angel

I left my alcoholic ex a year ago, here is very simple advice.
1. Leave him (doing this does not make you a bad person)
2. It is going to be one of the hardest things you have ever done.
3. You will realize that all the pain from leaving him is worth it. TRUST ME
4. eventually you will be happy, and you will wonder why you let yourself be treated this way.
5. Do not let him draw you into his crazy emotionally controlling behavior. Ignore it and move on. Im serious, its not easy but you can do it. I promise you that you will realize these same things very soon. Please put yourself first this time.