Im so pissed this morning, she never came home, AGAIN
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
"Nice guy syndrome"? I'm familiar with that. I like to call it the, "Kick Me" syndrome. Actually, check out this site and see if you can relate:
http://www.codependents.org/patterns.php
If you think you're codependent, than she's playing you like a fiddle. Not to worry, my AH has played similar games with me. That was until I figured out that I am a textbook codie a few months ago.
We had a little chat. I told him exactly what I think of him when he's drinking, told him how I had prepared myself for a divorce, and told him my life plan for the next year and told him my boundaries. He was silent while I spoke. Was nice. I had been holding it back for so many years because I was afraid of his reaction. Man did it feel good to get his attention.
I feel so much better about myself. He may not be able to hang on to his sobriety, but now I know I can leave.
http://www.codependents.org/patterns.php
If you think you're codependent, than she's playing you like a fiddle. Not to worry, my AH has played similar games with me. That was until I figured out that I am a textbook codie a few months ago.
We had a little chat. I told him exactly what I think of him when he's drinking, told him how I had prepared myself for a divorce, and told him my life plan for the next year and told him my boundaries. He was silent while I spoke. Was nice. I had been holding it back for so many years because I was afraid of his reaction. Man did it feel good to get his attention.
I feel so much better about myself. He may not be able to hang on to his sobriety, but now I know I can leave.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Colorado springs, co
Posts: 8
She came home this morning acting like everything was just like nothing happened at all. I told her I was really mad that she never came home. I also explained to her that she could loose her license too. She is trying to think of all of these ways to get out of the DUI (cop friends, lawyer, ect) I wish they would throw the book at her! She said a couple of things that made me really mad. First she said that she understood that I would be angry but that I should be angry at what she did, not angry at her!! WTF?? She then went on to feed me a line of crap about how she can drive when she has had Alcohol. She claimes she is more aware because she knows she has been drinking so she takes special care when driving. What BS!!
She was being her normal self today and pretending everything was OK. She told me she is through with Sniffing, ( she said she would not have told me if she still planned on doing it). I think thats a load of crap too. Im going to an Alanon meeting on Tuesday. I think it will help me, and all of you are sugesting it.
Thank you
Papa
She was being her normal self today and pretending everything was OK. She told me she is through with Sniffing, ( she said she would not have told me if she still planned on doing it). I think thats a load of crap too. Im going to an Alanon meeting on Tuesday. I think it will help me, and all of you are sugesting it.
Thank you
Papa
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
She then went on to feed me a line of crap about how she can drive when she has had Alcohol. She claimes she is more aware because she knows she has been drinking so she takes special care when driving. What BS!!
Last edited by DesertEyes; 09-03-2007 at 08:45 AM. Reason: fixed broken quote
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
They all do this (my AH is the master at acting like he has never done anything wrong, ever), it's an effort to convince you (and themselves) that addiction is just an everyday normal thing, it's the only way they can live with themselves.
This was written by Jon, the wonderful man who started Sober Recovery. You can read this and more in a "sticky" at the top of the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - it's called What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior.
You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them.
You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction.
I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else.
It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior.
You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them.
You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction.
I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else.
It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
She does not give a damn about you are your kids. She will tell you what you want to hear to get you off her back and keep up her addiction. She is most likely sleeping around with strange men and blaming you for her problems.
Its time for you to plan your escape. In secret ! Set up a P.O. Box in secret in your own name. Get your own checking account and credit card. Send it to the new P.O. Box. Prepare to cap or close joint credit cards and checking accounts. See a lawyer. Do this this without telling her or anyone else. Document her actions and affairs.
When the time is right.....when you feel you can take no more abuse, you can file for divorce. But you will be prepared.
You need to protect yourself mentally and finacially. For your sake and the kids.
Its time for you to plan your escape. In secret ! Set up a P.O. Box in secret in your own name. Get your own checking account and credit card. Send it to the new P.O. Box. Prepare to cap or close joint credit cards and checking accounts. See a lawyer. Do this this without telling her or anyone else. Document her actions and affairs.
When the time is right.....when you feel you can take no more abuse, you can file for divorce. But you will be prepared.
You need to protect yourself mentally and finacially. For your sake and the kids.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Colorado springs, co
Posts: 8
She does not give a damn about you are your kids. She will tell you what you want to hear to get you off her back and keep up her addiction. She is most likely sleeping around with strange men and blaming you for her problems.
Its time for you to plan your escape. In secret ! Set up a P.O. Box in secret in your own name. Get your own checking account and credit card. Send it to the new P.O. Box. Prepare to cap or close joint credit cards and checking accounts. See a lawyer. Do this this without telling her or anyone else. Document her actions and affairs.
When the time is right.....when you feel you can take no more abuse, you can file for divorce. But you will be prepared.
You need to protect yourself mentally and finacially. For your sake and the kids.
Its time for you to plan your escape. In secret ! Set up a P.O. Box in secret in your own name. Get your own checking account and credit card. Send it to the new P.O. Box. Prepare to cap or close joint credit cards and checking accounts. See a lawyer. Do this this without telling her or anyone else. Document her actions and affairs.
When the time is right.....when you feel you can take no more abuse, you can file for divorce. But you will be prepared.
You need to protect yourself mentally and finacially. For your sake and the kids.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
She does not give a damn about you are your kids. She will tell you what you want to hear to get you off her back and keep up her addiction. She is most likely sleeping around with strange men and blaming you for her problems.
Its time for you to plan your escape. In secret ! Set up a P.O. Box in secret in your own name. Get your own checking account and credit card. Send it to the new P.O. Box. Prepare to cap or close joint credit cards and checking accounts. See a lawyer. Do this this without telling her or anyone else. Document her actions and affairs.
When the time is right.....when you feel you can take no more abuse, you can file for divorce. But you will be prepared.
You need to protect yourself mentally and finacially. For your sake and the kids.
Its time for you to plan your escape. In secret ! Set up a P.O. Box in secret in your own name. Get your own checking account and credit card. Send it to the new P.O. Box. Prepare to cap or close joint credit cards and checking accounts. See a lawyer. Do this this without telling her or anyone else. Document her actions and affairs.
When the time is right.....when you feel you can take no more abuse, you can file for divorce. But you will be prepared.
You need to protect yourself mentally and finacially. For your sake and the kids.
I can only change myself.
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconeeeeeeeee
Posts: 61
Thank you all so much for your support. Without this board, I think I would be going crazy. All of you help me to keep focus, (as much as I an). Thank you thank you thank you!
She never came home last night, she was at her friends house and used the excuse that there where too many check points out there to drive home. I thought that was so lame cause before she got the DUI, she didnt give a rats ass. I feel like I am beeing hung out to dry, she is making a complete fool of me. I am a very patient man and I dont blow up easy. However because of that, because I am not a complete A-hole, I think I get taken advantage of. I call it nice Guy syndrome. I could probably write a book on this because I know it happens more with women than men. (Nice Woman Syndrom). When you are nice and patient, A-holes take advantage!
She never came home last night, she was at her friends house and used the excuse that there where too many check points out there to drive home. I thought that was so lame cause before she got the DUI, she didnt give a rats ass. I feel like I am beeing hung out to dry, she is making a complete fool of me. I am a very patient man and I dont blow up easy. However because of that, because I am not a complete A-hole, I think I get taken advantage of. I call it nice Guy syndrome. I could probably write a book on this because I know it happens more with women than men. (Nice Woman Syndrom). When you are nice and patient, A-holes take advantage!
In case you weren't aware you don't have to write the book. There already is a site out there to help guys like you. It's called the No More Mr. Nice Guy website. This is no joke. It's a site established by Dr. Robert Glover.
Here is a quote from their home page.
"No More Mr. Nice Guy! presents a proven plan to help passively pleasing men stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in love and life."
http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/ngs.php
I hope you check it out.
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