Kitty86

Yesterday I had a counselling appointment and we talked about Mark I told her about everything about how I am feeling. She knows alot about my past and she said she wasn't supprised I am once again in a unhealthy relationship. She said because I had a bad childhood I am prone to meeting men who are emotionally unavailable (what ever that means). She has asked me to read a book called Women Who Love Too Much. She said it would help me understand what she means. She has also put me in touch with counceller that specialises in aclohol and drug abuse. So I will let you know how that goes.

I had a long think when I got home last night. I can't put up with his behaviour any longer. Its time for him to leave. I know me and his children will never ever come before his drink. I would like to think he might change when this baby is born but I know he wont. It would be foolish to think this. Then I though about how I go about telling him to leave. Im not sure how I do it, then I think Leah will miss him. She wont go to bed if he isn't here. Then I think Im not sure I could cope alone. There is love there. I lay in his arms and I cant imagine living without him. I just wish things were different. I know I have to be strong but I know this will kill me.

I know what needs to be done.

Barbara52

You are going through the difficult part of coming to the decision that works for you. Unless there is reason to fear for your safety, there is no rush. Take your time figuring out what is best for you and your children and make your plans.

CE Girl

((((((kitty86)))))))

Life is about "levels" Each reached in its time.

Listen to your counselor
Educate yourself to the diseases (alcoholism AND co dependancy)
Reach out for support

In its time, what you must do will come for you. Projecting and stressing about what may be, will not change the eventual outcome of the "gradual and natural". I've read your posts here, your a strong young lady, who is being the BEST parent in putting the children AND yourself as a priority. It's hard work, but I've found, the "healing" found in your own recovery is well worth the effort.

Stay strong,,and keep moving forward, one baby step at a time

Peace

sunshine321

Kitty,
First ((( ))))) to you. I was exactly where you are minus ABF having kids. I had my daughter then (3) and I was pregnant with abf's baby. I knew I probably shouldn't continue in the relationship when I figured out he was an A but I was too a lot of things. Afraid, hormonal, tired, in love, pregnant and afraid again. I just couldn't leave then. I'm still not gone yet and our baby just turned 1. Take your time doing what you have to do. I am doing the same and when I am ready to leave I will. It's better to have your head together. IMO pregnancy is not the best time to make decisions unless your life or the lives of your children are in danger.

Jenny

irelandx7

I agree -- don't make such a major life-changing decision until at least after the baby is born. Enjoy your birth, your baby, this time, because it only comes once. Alanon suggests waiting at least 6 months before making a decision such as to leave your A.

Congratulations on your precious new baby!