denny57

It isn't the Al-Anon that is a priority - YOU are the priority. I was scared, too - my fear, which I've figured out after the fact, came from being scared to death to make a change in my life. That, and what if I walked in that room and everyone confirmed my worst fear - that I was defective.

Think of it this way - all that time spent obsessing on him - use it for something for you.

((()))

cdk1972

You're right. I am scared. that i'm going to be odd man out. The New person, but i guess so what if i am? Who cares? it doesn't matter. I have never, ever put myself before, so i guess i just don't know the first thing to do. to actually get it in gear. it feels very uncomfortable. And i've spent so much time on Shane, figuring out his disease, reading about it, studying about it, trying to make myself feel better about it, that once again, i'm forgetting my own life.

hbb

I think we've all done that, forgotten about ourselves. Al Anon has definately helped and getting back to the gym has been helping. You will start to feel better I PROMISE We all know how you feel and it really stinks. Keep your chin up and try to have fun this long weekend!

cdk1972

I am learning or i guess realizing-that i don't know how to put myself first without feeling really guilty. I feel selfish and wrong. i'm so depressed i can't go to bed without crying for about an hour first. everything reminds me of XABF, can't figure out why he hasn't called yet, then i start feeling regretful of my actions, then when i try to talk myself out of it and do something nice, i have a nagging guilty feeling. I'm also starting to battle with anger. the more i come to terms that I have a problem-codependency- im' starting to have resentment towards my family. i had a pretty hard time growing up. and reflecting on my bad choices. and feeling like i deserve punishment for choices i've made. praying doesn't and hasn't ever done me much good. i feel dread ALL THE TIME lately. I have never had a breakup this bad, before. is it my age? I don't know. but i feel like i'm falling apart

hbb

((((cdk)))) I'm sorry your still so down, it's so normal everything you are feeling. I too went through the guilt but now i'm past that. HE'S the one with the guilt my friend, HE'S the one that treated you unacceptably, HE'S the one that made his bed...not YOU Getting to the anger is not a bad thing, i wish i could get there and STAY there! I'm more angry now than i was a few weeks ago...progress....one day at a time. You are doing the right thing. No contact will save you. I never believed it and if you go back and read my threads i was exactly the same. I can so relate to how you are feeling. Keep up the good work, happier days are just around the corner