lostnfound1961

It was just a few months ago that I was posting on how well my husband was doing and now he is off the deep end. His drinking is way out of hand and with that comes the gambling. We are headed to the beach this weekend and I know it's all about going to the Casino and not about being with me. He has gambled so much this month that I am freaked out! I can't say all of the money he has taken from the ATM is for gambling but I know he has taken at least $650.00 and this was from bars and in general he does not stop unless the money runs out.

I have come to the conclusion that as soon as we get back from the beach I will be having a long talk with him. This needs to stop or I need to leave and sever the financial ties to him. He needs to understand that I will not back down this time and If I leave (IT'S OVER)

This morning he asked me why I seemed so agitated, Well lets see..... You keep bringing your buddy and a half case home and then going out to gamble. You come home stinking (AND I MEAN STINKING) drunk and act like you are a sex god and I should be getting on my knees to please you. I just don't understand why I don't matter.

Sorry for being a crab but I am so sad and mad and to the end of my rope.......

Barbara52

Can you do anything to protect yourself financially before you leave? Open a separate account and move some of the money so that he can't throw away all of it on gambling?

chero

Hey Lost, sorry things are so bad. Sounds like you know what to do!!

Praying for you the strength to proceed!!

(((((((((LNF))))))))))

MsPINKAcres

((lost))

your signature is the serenity prayer - in the serenity prayer there is the line about asking for the "courage to change the things I can" My question to you is "What can you change about this situation?"

Only you know and only the HP of your understanding can direct you in what is right for you - maybe there are somethings that you can do to protect yourself financially and emotionally.

Like barbara suggested is there a way to remove your name from the account? Take out your portion of the money? This way what he does with his money is not affecting you financially?

I know these steps are not easy and only you know when you are ready to take them. For me, I had to be reminded that if I keep doing what I've always done, I'll keep getting what I've always gotten.

This helped me to follow the guidance of my HP in trying things a different way.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy in your journey,
Rita

lostnfound1961

I have my own account (always have) We also have shared accounts and the one he is using is the one all the bill come out of. I thought about changing that so it all came out of mine but then I thought WHY? That would only put all the responsabilaty on me again. That account was down to $300.00 yesterday and I was looking on line and thought, Go ahead.... overdraw! I have also thought about opening another joint account and getting him a (I need to stop thinking about how to fix/controle things)

I have a nice little nest ege set aside and am adding to it each month (he has no idea I have it) The funny thing is when we nearly broke up six months ago.... He didn't want me to keep stuff because he didn't want me and someone else enjoying his stuff. Well guess what..... When and if I leave..... I will only take a hand full of stuff because I don't care about most of the stuff we have. IT'S JUST STUFF!! Besides I have been trying to get rid of a lot of it forever!!

I know I just need to stay strong but it is so hard when I feel like I am constantly underminded. (By my own fear and doubts)
D

Barbara52

Perhaps there is some way you can limit the amount of money in that joint account? Make a deposit onlyh when its needed to pay a specific bill? Divide the bills between you and your AH saying you will pay bills a-h and he is responsible for bills g-z? Let him know that the money in the joint is not there fofr gambling (as I'm sure you've already done).

MsPINKAcres

Yes, you are right - it is only stuff & your serenity, safety and happiness is much more valuable than any "thing".

Wishing you courage in searching for your path to living Happy, Joyous and Free,

Rita

ARealLady

We are headed to the beach this weekend and I know it's all about going to the Casino and not about being with me.

And you know he's going to gamble away everything he can, get stinking drunk, get into his "sex god" pose........ewwwwwwwwww and ikkkkkkkkkkkk. No wonder you are feeling agitated now. Why don't you just stay home alone and enjoy the weekend?

ARL

Lady BlueMiles

Do you need to have a joint account? Hopefully my joint account is being closed for good tomorrow. (AH tried to close it end of last week but had charges come in, the account was then overdrawn and bla bla bla. should all be straightened out and closed for good tomorrow.

There can be problems without a joint account at some banks if you need to deposit or cash checks with both of your name on it. Like IRS, SS etc. I also can't deposit a check into my account with his name on it without him being on the account. It's considered a third party check. My bank will cash a fed or state check if both of us are present if I have enough in the bank. Here in NJ they also have check cashing places. That's another option. It's not perfect but I will NEVER share another account with him after tomorrow. I'm sure there will be arguments over this down the road.

WhatAboutME

The BEST thing I ever did was open my own bank account. That was the first step for me...

wraybear

Have you thought about not going to the beach with him?

And, going to the bank and withdrawing all the money and opening your own account? Yes, having my own account was one of the best moves I ever made.