Just an update...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Just an update...
Hello everyone again, it is so nice to be able to get on here more often. I've missed you all terribly and I see so many new faces. My gosh...
Well, my life in a nutshell has been okay, a little nutty but okay. I've been working alot and I am ready for my little one to be out of school. My parents are going to come and get her so she can stay for a month or so this summer. As bad as I hate to say it I am looking foward to it. She and I both need the break.
My x-A is still doing his thing, he comes by every now and then, his last episode involved him crying telling me how much he couldnt stand us being apart. I listen and explain how it is the best way I and his daughter can be healthy, then I throw in the fact that if he ever did the things we talked about, things could maybe stand a chance, ie getting help, and a job as well. I still try to stand firm in keeping him at a distance. He doesn't always obey the restraining order, like the just showing up thing. But I feel like there is a good wall built there....he knows that now.
It's still hard sometimes, I still miss him, I miss who he use to be. My daughter will talk about him sometimes and it takes me back really quick. Sometimes when I am really down, I drive by our old house and remember really quickly how far I have come. It really helps.
On a lighter note...I've been dating someone steadily now for close to 3 months. He makes me laugh, and has the ability to make me forget of all the stress in my life. I tread the dating waters carefully, but he is really special to me. Just have to see where it goes.
I suppose I have rambled enough...I know I should get a chance to play catch up later...I hope and pray you all are doing okay.
Love you all sooo much!
Well, my life in a nutshell has been okay, a little nutty but okay. I've been working alot and I am ready for my little one to be out of school. My parents are going to come and get her so she can stay for a month or so this summer. As bad as I hate to say it I am looking foward to it. She and I both need the break.
My x-A is still doing his thing, he comes by every now and then, his last episode involved him crying telling me how much he couldnt stand us being apart. I listen and explain how it is the best way I and his daughter can be healthy, then I throw in the fact that if he ever did the things we talked about, things could maybe stand a chance, ie getting help, and a job as well. I still try to stand firm in keeping him at a distance. He doesn't always obey the restraining order, like the just showing up thing. But I feel like there is a good wall built there....he knows that now.
It's still hard sometimes, I still miss him, I miss who he use to be. My daughter will talk about him sometimes and it takes me back really quick. Sometimes when I am really down, I drive by our old house and remember really quickly how far I have come. It really helps.
On a lighter note...I've been dating someone steadily now for close to 3 months. He makes me laugh, and has the ability to make me forget of all the stress in my life. I tread the dating waters carefully, but he is really special to me. Just have to see where it goes.
I suppose I have rambled enough...I know I should get a chance to play catch up later...I hope and pray you all are doing okay.
Love you all sooo much!
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
********{bonbon}}}}}}
It is so good to hear from you and you sound great!! I am so happy that things are going well for you.
Please make sure you come around here more often!! We have all missed you.
And that wasn't rambling it was an update and like I said we want updates more often.
You take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
It is so good to hear from you and you sound great!! I am so happy that things are going well for you.
Please make sure you come around here more often!! We have all missed you.
And that wasn't rambling it was an update and like I said we want updates more often.
You take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: where I need to be
Posts: 157
Hi Bon Bon,
I'm new to this forum, but have 22 years experience with my A husband.
We separated nearly four months ago after an incident that put me over the edge. This particular incident was not nearly as traumatic as others in the past, but for some reason, forced me to make a drastic change in MY life.
He's been sober for almost four months, attending AA, has a sponsor, seeing a counselor. I'm getting the help I need also.
I'm intrigued by your story.......how and when did you know or decide that you could no longer remain in the marriage?
I'm grieving for the life that I had pretended to have with him. I put him on a pedastal and staged our life so everyone was happy....except me. Now I'm frightened of taking the risk of getting hurt again. I'm confused.
Any insight would be appreciated!
S
I'm new to this forum, but have 22 years experience with my A husband.
We separated nearly four months ago after an incident that put me over the edge. This particular incident was not nearly as traumatic as others in the past, but for some reason, forced me to make a drastic change in MY life.
He's been sober for almost four months, attending AA, has a sponsor, seeing a counselor. I'm getting the help I need also.
I'm intrigued by your story.......how and when did you know or decide that you could no longer remain in the marriage?
I'm grieving for the life that I had pretended to have with him. I put him on a pedastal and staged our life so everyone was happy....except me. Now I'm frightened of taking the risk of getting hurt again. I'm confused.
Any insight would be appreciated!
S
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Hey Sarah! So glad your here! This board helped me get to where I am today. All the wonderful people here, and all the insight.
You said it yourself... key word-pretending. I got real tired of pretending with my x-A. I only "thought" we were a normal family. In fact I felt that way for so long it took me almost a year to realize how unnormal we were living. It was unhealthy.
It takes time to "get it" or have the realization that things will keep going downhill, esp if there is no recovery in the picture at all. You can choose to start that upward climb to getting back to YOU. My x-A drank and smoked pot, and then started with crack. We were together 10 years. Also have a 6 year old daughter. I wouldn't go back for anything...I love my life too much, and the distance I have come all by myself one day at a time, with each minute that passed it got better, it got easier.
Keep coming here.....your worth it!
You said it yourself... key word-pretending. I got real tired of pretending with my x-A. I only "thought" we were a normal family. In fact I felt that way for so long it took me almost a year to realize how unnormal we were living. It was unhealthy.
It takes time to "get it" or have the realization that things will keep going downhill, esp if there is no recovery in the picture at all. You can choose to start that upward climb to getting back to YOU. My x-A drank and smoked pot, and then started with crack. We were together 10 years. Also have a 6 year old daughter. I wouldn't go back for anything...I love my life too much, and the distance I have come all by myself one day at a time, with each minute that passed it got better, it got easier.
Keep coming here.....your worth it!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
****{BonBon}}}
So happy to see you and your dancing friend.
BonBon, I am glad that life is happier for you now, and your new friend sounds like a gem. I remember so well your struggle and the many courageous things you did to put it behind you, and hope you know how very much you deserve happiness.
We have a new item in our kits....the tiara!!! Please help yourself to a nice sparkly one and wear it proudly as the regal beauty you are.
Give you little daughter a big hug from Auntie Ann.
And visit as often as you can. We love to hear from you.
So happy to see you and your dancing friend.
BonBon, I am glad that life is happier for you now, and your new friend sounds like a gem. I remember so well your struggle and the many courageous things you did to put it behind you, and hope you know how very much you deserve happiness.
We have a new item in our kits....the tiara!!! Please help yourself to a nice sparkly one and wear it proudly as the regal beauty you are.
Give you little daughter a big hug from Auntie Ann.
And visit as often as you can. We love to hear from you.
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