Another question
 

Ok, maybe I'm making more out of this than I need to I dobn't know.

Told ya'll that I'm not allowing AH to live with us until he gets help. Several people told me that was a good boundary. That part I agree with.

Now I'm wondering this: he can't live with us but he's living with a friend. Does that not send the message to my son that it's not ok to drink and do drugs at home but it's ok to go live somewhere else where you can do what you want? I feel like I'm sending mixed messages. Or am I over thinking this?

Interesting question. I think the point to teach is what 'you' consider to be acceptable or not, and, to defend your position. When your son grows up, it will be up to him to determine what is acceptable or not for him.

In the meantime, you are teaching him a very valuable lesson by standing your ground and not accepting the unacceptable. Good for you.

Or setting a boundary like.. As long as you're active in your addiction we can not live under the same roof.

A fine example of the serenity prayer in action--

Accepting the things you cannot change (the alcoholic's choices)

The courage to change the things you can (what goes on in your own house)

And the wisdom to know the difference. (what he does elsewhere is not under your control)

L

I love that!

Thank you!!!! I was really beginning to wory about that. I don't want to send mixed messages. Or I'm trying not to anyway. Thanks for the support.

I don't see any mixed message at all. In a child's terms Daddy can't live here when he breaks the adult rules. Don't be afraid to put in terms of it being an adult matter and Mom is doing what needs to be done.