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-   -   my delightful email exchange (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/131513-my-delightful-email-exchange.html)

gns 08-27-2007 10:37 AM

my delightful email exchange
 
What I want to say :

Sure F**ker, As soon as you thank me for the thousands of dollars I spent on you and our vacations, for cleaning your kitchen and bathroom multiple times, while you were lying to me and sleeping with S***l!


>>>him>>>

P.S.
You can thank me later.


>>> him 08/27/07 12:04 AM >>>
Just so you know. After we both moved out, I started telling a friend of mine (who is a cop in the neighborhood of our house - the xth district) about the bar up the street. They started cracking down on the people outside and harassing the owner about it. Now, it's up for sale.

:)


>>> "me" <> 08/25/07 7:56 PM >>>
1. I payed the water bill online

2. I will call xxxxx at xxxx on monday re homeowner's insurance

3. I sent PECO a f/u email. I will try to call them early this week, or you can call them at 1-800-7981 ext 2267. Apparently the problem is that they need to read the meter. I would rather not give them the lock box number with busy bee stuff in there. xxxx who came to read the meter in december told me that he would note that the house was for sale, no one was living there and that new owners could have the meter read.

Astro 08-27-2007 10:54 AM

Ohhh I used to love initiating and responding to emails like that with my ex. The longer they went on the more vicious they got, and the more miserable I felt. Resentments and anger can eat me alive.

What it took a long time to learn is that I don't have to react. And in the event that I do, I can type out the response, read it back to myself a few times, then hit *delete*.

Rella927 08-27-2007 11:07 AM


Originally Posted by Astro (Post 1465070)
Ohhh I used to love initiating and responding to emails like that with my ex. The longer they went on the more vicious they got, and the more miserable I felt. Resentments and anger can eat me alive.

What it took a long time to learn is that I don't have to react. And in the event that I do, I can type out the response, read it back to myself a few times, then hit *delete*.


I would have to say DITTO to this! The power trip sending the e-mails and waiting for the response was an amazing DRAMA!

I actually felt like I was the one with the hangover, not him! I felt drained and as Astro said "MISERABLE" I finally realized after awhile that when I too hit the "delete" I felt so much better! The energy just to see the name in the inbox was enough for me to hit it! POOF

I decided that there are alot of things that are just not worth my precious energy! Maybe you will too someday! Hang in there!

elizabeth1979 08-27-2007 11:48 AM

ugg. What a beat down. I remember conversations like this. They usually ended in utter mayhem...I eventually stopped all conversations and the ones I felt were important (pertaining to finances and what not) I saved for my attorney.

It wasnt worth the emotional drainage it was doing to me and you know..he didnt really care about those issues anyway..it was an excuse to call me and hook me back in or hook me into guilt, or some other torrid emotion.

gns 08-27-2007 05:08 PM

Thank you Astro, Rella and Elizabeth,

The wierd thing I realized is that I WANT to fight with him. I don't know why, but I do. I know you are going to tell me I am addicted to the drama, I don't think I am addicted to drama, but I still want to fight - prove that I am and always was right? assert myself?

gns 08-27-2007 05:10 PM

Astro and Rella you seemed to want and crave the fight, too - why? Elizabeth, what about you - did you want it?

LaTeeDa 08-27-2007 05:15 PM

I don't know if I was addicted to the drama or not. I do know that 'proving' I was right and he was wrong gave me some sort of sick satisfaction. Wasn't very satisfying, though. LOL

Looking back, my marriage was always a power struggle. If I could win the fight, I felt like I had the power. Now I know I never did have any power over him. It was my issue with wanting to control......

L

ARealLady 08-27-2007 05:33 PM

I don't think I am addicted to drama, but I still want to fight - prove that I am and always was right?

Classic co-dep behaviour and goes hand in hand with trying to get other people on "your side" as got mentioned on another thread. As long as you are trying to prove you are right, you are fanning the flames. It doesn't have to be all tragedy....dark comedy is allowed too!

ARL

Rella927 08-28-2007 07:02 AM


Originally Posted by LaTeeDa (Post 1465457)
I don't know if I was addicted to the drama or not. I do know that 'proving' I was right and he was wrong gave me some sort of sick satisfaction. Wasn't very satisfying, though. LOL

Looking back, my marriage was always a power struggle. If I could win the fight, I felt like I had the power. Now I know I never did have any power over him. It was my issue with wanting to control......

L



Astro and Rella you seemed to want and crave the fight, too - why? Elizabeth, what about you - did you want it?
GNS....I would have to agree with LaTeeDa.....it was not that I was craving the fight-I was trying to "prove that I was right" was as L said "some sort of sick satisfaction" (I was sick too)

I was in denial of everything! Me, Him, the disease!

It is when we are ready and enough is enough that we help ourselves to see that the issue of "wanting to control" a person who just will not see a thing that you say or do becomes not worth our time, peace or energy!

CatsPajamas 08-28-2007 07:34 AM

My new years resolution for 2007 ~which I have maintained for almost 9 months now ~ is that my inner b*tch is not allowed to dial the phone or hit "send" without talking to a recovery friend first.

I have learned that it's healthy and OK for me to express those angry and frustrated feelings. It's just not always in my best interest to express them AT that moment TO the object of my frustration. Otherwise it most likely means I have to grovel around a bit and then Step 10 it and make more amends.

Just my experience...

Cats

Astro 08-28-2007 08:07 AM


Originally Posted by gns (Post 1465453)
Astro and Rella you seemed to want and crave the fight, too - why? Elizabeth, what about you - did you want it?

I'm an alcoholic, I'm self-centered and ego-driven. I never wanted to be wrong, and always wanted the upper hand. Otherwise, I'd feel weak. So I'd keep up the fight until she backed down or threw up her hands in disgust.

I saved a lot of those emails. Looking back at them now I can't believe the stupid crap I was making an issue over.

MTBChick 08-28-2007 07:28 PM


Originally Posted by CatsPajamas (Post 1466113)
My new years resolution for 2007 ~which I have maintained for almost 9 months now ~ is that my inner b*tch is not allowed to dial the phone or hit "send" without talking to a recovery friend first.

I have learned that it's healthy and OK for me to express those angry and frustrated feelings. It's just not always in my best interest to express them AT that moment TO the object of my frustration. Otherwise it most likely means I have to grovel around a bit and then Step 10 it and make more amends.

Just my experience...

Cats


Good Lord I wish I had read this earlier today!! I really really need to step up my program work and prayer. My ex-abf is a huge trigger for me.... I know this but yet I slip and go back even if momentarily and try to make him see what I do and say even though there is absolutely no way he will ever see a thing I say or do. I instead end up going directly to step 10 realizing my mistake but even that goes unnoticed by him. In the end I go away feeling worse about myself and believing what he says that he is responsible for what he did while drinking and that I'm the unhealthy one who will not take responsibility for my part in things and that I make everything his fault all the time and that nothing he will ever say or do will ever be enough for me. Yep I'm a bad person and I feel oh so great about myself after hearing these things. Sick how I go back to keep having it dished out to me. I've got to work on the impulsiveness.


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