respektingme

AH has grown fond of one of the guys in his outpatient rehab. AH graduated but still goes back. This other guy is in the program. Today made 3 days he has been absent, so he was discharged. AH worried about him all day. He tried calling his cell. Then he called his house and left a message. The guy's wife called AH and said she and the kids just got home to find him passed out. AH said she sounded detached and said she doesn't know how much longer she and the kids can put up with it.

AH could not stop thinking about this guy and his family today. He wants to go over and talk with the guy tomorrow at his house. He kept saying, "Hon, you should have heard the tone in her voice." I said, "I've heard it before." Meaning ME!

Late in the day I told him to consider how much time he has spent worrying about some guy he has grown fond of in rehab. Told him to now consider how much time I've spent consumed with him drinking, and he's my husband of 13 years. Then I told him to consider what I've been learning in Alanon, which is to stop focusing on the alcoholic's behavior. Allowed him to SEE what it's like on a much smaller scale to have a day be destroyed with worry, and also allowed him to see the challenge involved with detaching from the behavior. Was a good day for me and I think it helped AH's sobriety. Unfortunately, it came at the cost of someone else's sobriety. But neither of us had anything to do with that.

I told AH to consider tomorrow how he would have responded to someone coming to his house when he's drinking, and to be prepared to have this guy slam the door on his face. It's his business though. I'm not getting involved. The guy's wife is in Alanon.

best

That is one way to get a wake up call.
Such a situation was a major eye opening for me.

If I hurt this much, how much more pain did I bring to others?
I hope he gets a lot of mileage out of this lesson in life.