cagefree

Well my last thread with this title had me freaking that I'd never see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding recovery from codependency - or at least not finding out it was a walking corpse with a flashlight

Here are just some the benefits of working on myself that I have recently found as concrete evidence that recovery is indeed a wonderful thing:
*Found my smile
*Found energy as I can say "NO" without guilt and do not feel lazy for putting off until tomorrow so I can take care of myself today
*Renewed my faith in the universe and it's way of leading me to where I need to be
*Being able to see colour in life in general
*Finding calm in releasing feelings instead of denying they exist
*Not reacting to those who invalidate my feelings - I validate them and that's all I need
*Finding faith that I'll obtain my dream of family and kids in a healthy relationship - even though I'm in my mid 30's.
*Being able to say my ex was an alcoholic without feeling like a failure, or without fear of what others would think. He's my ex, I choose healthy relathionships. I'm proud of that.
*Being able to see my codie tendencies as a strength when I was a child as I could not have survived without it - and I found a way to survive and get straight A's and a scholarship to college and most importantly, able to rid myself of unhealthy and toxic people and choices when I chose recovery.
*I've stopped a lot of the "beating myself up" and I now protect and nurture the my inner child, not punish her for simply surviving
*My home is my sanctuary, a calm place to retreat to that is no longer associated to chaos and pain, no longer a place to avoid and work 13-14 hour days simply to avoid going home to be met with contempt and more demands

***I am starting to see the different dimensions and perspectives of life, people and most importantly, myself***

When I told my mother about SR and I kept talking about it over the past year, she asked, "You're are going to stop this someday right?" as though it were shameful to have a history with an A or to simply be a codie. I told her no, that I would be recovering from a codie-ism for the rest of my life (I want to make the above list much longer). I saw my mom, a classic codie who taught me every codie behaviour in the book differently that day. I knew I had surpassed her in some way, and she knew it too.

sunshine321

It's nice to see that you have worked hard and now have the results that prove it works if you work it! Congratulations! I think that's a huge accomplishment and I hope to achieve half of that someday.

Jenny

Astro

Thank you for sharing your recovery, cage. I love recovery, and hope I never stop this journey!

hbb

Cage, that is an awesome list, i too hope to be there someday i'm in my mid 30's as well and gotta believe there is a healthy man out there to have a great family with someday! Thanks for the inspiration today, much needed right now in my world! Take care

MTBChick

Cage,
Thank you for sharing this with us all.... you are an inspiration to me!! I hope when my year on SR comes around that I will have progressed as far as you have. I know I can do it!! When I first got into recovery I sat down and wrote out on paper the person I wanted to become/how I wanted my life to be...I haven't looked at it in a while I think it is time too.

Lady BlueMiles

Thanks for sharing CageFree. This is awesome! A real inspiration for some of us taking our first step!

ICU

Cagefree,

What a beautiful post. I strongly identify with so many of the thoughts that you have mentioned here and you have inspired me to review my own progress.

Although I still don't like to feel them at times, I am much more willing to do so...and remember when unpleasant, 'this too will pass'...but, not until I've worked through them.

I still can get worked up when someone tries to invalidate my feelings, but at least I recognize it much quicker now and therefore can choose an appropriate 'action' vs. 'reaction'.


These two were the most critical for me to tackle, but once I did, how freeing and forgiving it was. The tools I had as a child to survive were the best I was capable of. They also served me well for the most part in my last relationship (which was abusive). I can honestly say that I'm grateful that I had them (the survival skills, not the abuse)!

Ridding my life of toxic people, and, realizing it was by 'my' choice has become equally important.

I've learned to love the little child in me. I am both her mother and father. She comes out a lot more now, and she is delightful. In spite of her fear, she had such strength back...I admire her so!

Amen! Nurturing and respect are two of the things my home is about now. And, I am safe!!

I've learned that other people's perspectives actually motive me to think more about my own in a whole new way. I'm open to it now, especially when it doesn't come across as criticism or someone beating me up for what they consider to be 'my character flaws'.


All of these things helped me to find my smile too. Actually, I didn't notice I was doing that until several people came up to me and asked me what my secret to being so happy all the time was. They said they look forward to seeing me because I smile all the time. Who would have thunk???

That was a severe contrast from years past when people would go out of their way to tell me to smile more. I hated that. That was like telling me to hide my feelings.

Again, an excellent post Cagefree. All of the hard work you must have put into it is so well worth it, don't you think?

cagefree

And powerful - yes we are powerful beings, us recovering codies and A's.

I like to refer to it as emotional constipation.

It's difficult to put into words what recovery has meant to me. I had always put value on myself through what others thought, through how much I made, how big my house was, how expensive my car and the level of my education.

The problem with that is that:
*It didn't take into account how I felt about me
*Defining yourself through anyone but yourself or any thing for that matter is very finite - there's only so far to go.

Recovery let me know the sky's the limit - it is, in fact limitless and the view is spectacular from up here. If I can imagine it, I can have it. All I need is trust in myself - it really is all about me.