falling apart
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: oregon
Posts: 23
falling apart
I just need to get this all out. I'm losing it. Everything is falling apart. Has been for a long time, but now the sh*t has really hit the fan, and I feel guilty and confused and sad and totally overwhelmed.
My A husband got physical with my 4 yr. old daughter a few days ago. After a couple of hours of indecision, I called my counselor and told her what happened, knowing she would have to call CPS. I wanted her to, but it was terrifying.
I still have not heard anything from them. I actually called the office, and got the name of the person handling the case, and left them a message. I am on pins and needles, waiting for a call back.
And no, he is not in the house. He is staying somewhere else. It was hard to get him to leave. He acts like he does not grasp the seriousness of what he did.
I feel so awful that this happened, like I am partially responsible. I feel like the world is crashing down around me. I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep for a year. But I have diapers to change, and laundry to wash, and meals to prepare, and work to do.
How did I get myself into this mess? I have two small children, and a baby on the way. And an alcoholic, abusive husband. It's so hard to even type that. My husband is abusive. He is not the person I thought he was.
My A husband got physical with my 4 yr. old daughter a few days ago. After a couple of hours of indecision, I called my counselor and told her what happened, knowing she would have to call CPS. I wanted her to, but it was terrifying.
I still have not heard anything from them. I actually called the office, and got the name of the person handling the case, and left them a message. I am on pins and needles, waiting for a call back.
And no, he is not in the house. He is staying somewhere else. It was hard to get him to leave. He acts like he does not grasp the seriousness of what he did.
I feel so awful that this happened, like I am partially responsible. I feel like the world is crashing down around me. I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep for a year. But I have diapers to change, and laundry to wash, and meals to prepare, and work to do.
How did I get myself into this mess? I have two small children, and a baby on the way. And an alcoholic, abusive husband. It's so hard to even type that. My husband is abusive. He is not the person I thought he was.
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
(((((crayzee))))) I"m so sorry to hear what you are going through. You did the right thing by calling your counselor. I don't care who you are, NO ONE should put their hands on another person. Keep posting, you are at the right place.
hugs
hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I'm sorry you are having to go thru this. But remember, you must take care of those little ones.
Have you called the police and reported this? I know that is a horrendously difficult step but your children need you to protect them.
Life sounds like its going to be very hard for a while but it can and will get better.
Have you called the police and reported this? I know that is a horrendously difficult step but your children need you to protect them.
Life sounds like its going to be very hard for a while but it can and will get better.
It is what it is
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 280
I'm so sorry Crayzee. That must have been the hardest call to make but you did the right thing. It's terrible that they haven't gotten back to you. Hopefully soon. I know how you feel when you say, what have you gotten yourself into. I've said that 1,000 times since I was pregnant with my last baby. She will be a year this month. I suffered with abuse (not physical) my whole pregnancy and I was miserable. But it was too late (or that's how I felt). Stuck, trapped and lost. Fortunately things have a way of turning around. Take care of yourself. Take care of those babies. I hope you get the financial support you need. Do you have any family around that can help you? If not, maybe you can go to a church for support. Do anything you have to to take care you your family. Leave him behind.
Jenny
Jenny
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
(((((crayzee))))) so sorry you are in so much pain....you DID do the right thing...and you are NOT ALONE...we are here....keep coming and reading and posting....you will get through this - you have to for those babies...and for YOU. Protect yourself and your children at all costs....even if it is difficult - you will be doing him a favor too....(((())))
Keepingmyjoy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 328
(((crayzee)))) I agree, you did the right thing! My ex husb (not current AH!) was abusive and I had to call the police etc. Daughter was 5 at the time. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. But search your heart....you know it is totally right to protect your babies! They even get us twisted that we actually feel bad that we "had" to call for help! Remember...YOU are right, and you are being a good mother! I would immediately go to court and get a restraining order. I am not sure what happened, but If CPS had to be called, I am pretty sure you can get an order of protection. It is hard to do, but worth it. I am so sorry you are going through this! Love and hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 178
My husband is abusive. He is not the person I thought he was.
This statement is the first important step to get yourself and kids OUT of this mess pronto. You have the rest of your life to figure out how you got into it. You did the right thing to contact your counselor!! I would also contact your local domestic violence org for information on the cycle of abuse and what to do in case of emergency. Now is the time to get help before it escalates.
There is hope for you and the kids to have a better future.
This statement is the first important step to get yourself and kids OUT of this mess pronto. You have the rest of your life to figure out how you got into it. You did the right thing to contact your counselor!! I would also contact your local domestic violence org for information on the cycle of abuse and what to do in case of emergency. Now is the time to get help before it escalates.
There is hope for you and the kids to have a better future.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Many areas have free counseling for families who have experienced abuse. I went, even though he had never actually hit me. There are all types of abuse, and it was really good and helpful to talk to someone who understood. It's also important for your child to know that someone cares and is looking out for her.
Good luck. You did the right thing, although I know how hard it is.
Hugs
Cats
Good luck. You did the right thing, although I know how hard it is.
Hugs
Cats
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
So glad, just so glad, that you are protecting your kids. Think of how many people in this world were abused by one parent, and held the other parent equally responsible for not doing anything about it? So glad you won't be that other parent in your children's eyes. You'll be at least one adult they can love and trust. That means so much.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lost in NC
Posts: 416
You are a Hero! It takes courage to stand up to an abusive, alcoholic husband! Protect yourself and your children.
Its not your fault for the way he behaves. You have taken the first step in making your life, and the lives of children, happy again. Stick to your guns!
Its not your fault for the way he behaves. You have taken the first step in making your life, and the lives of children, happy again. Stick to your guns!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Please read the abuse stickies at the top of this forum. There's tons of good information and various hotline numbers to call in your state. I'm sure when you call one of the hotline numbers they can give you all sorts of useful information that will be good to have on hand. Please don't wait...it's just a phone call to obtain information. You don't have to decide on anything until you are ready to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 20
I very much doubt that you even imagined this was a possibility when you started a family with this man. And in a reasonable world, it isn't one. Please don't fault yourself for having expected the world to be reasonable and decent. Just don't stop yourself from acting on what you know now.
You did the right thing. Please don't feel responsible for what he did. By calling and making sure he got reported, you proved that you are responsible in the best possible way. You are stepping up and taking responsibility for your children. Please believe me when I say that even though she may not remember this specific incident, the fact that you stood up for your daughter and took action to keep her safe will matter for the rest of her life.
You did the right thing. (((((crayzee)))))
You did the right thing. Please don't feel responsible for what he did. By calling and making sure he got reported, you proved that you are responsible in the best possible way. You are stepping up and taking responsibility for your children. Please believe me when I say that even though she may not remember this specific incident, the fact that you stood up for your daughter and took action to keep her safe will matter for the rest of her life.
You did the right thing. (((((crayzee)))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: oregon
Posts: 23
Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your suport! It means so much! I spoke with the person handling the case at CPS, and have a meeting with her later this week. I'm hoping some good can come of this, because she told me that they can offer him services. The question is, will he accept them?
At any rate, things have been much, much calmer around here since he has been gone. I am having a really hard time, and am so overwhelmed, but at the same time, not having to deal with his drunken BS is such a load off. I am having friends over for dinner tomorrow night, and I don't have to worry about him being an a** and ruining things.
It means a lot to me to be able to talk about this stuff with people who understand. Hugs to you all!
Oh, BTW, these past few days I have been thinking a lot about the man I married. The person he is now is NOT that man. I miss that man, and I hope he is not gone forever. It is a little like mourning the death of a loved one. I get so sad, and think about all the good things, and the time before alcohol turned him into what he is today. Please tell me I'm normal for thinking and feeling all this.
At any rate, things have been much, much calmer around here since he has been gone. I am having a really hard time, and am so overwhelmed, but at the same time, not having to deal with his drunken BS is such a load off. I am having friends over for dinner tomorrow night, and I don't have to worry about him being an a** and ruining things.
It means a lot to me to be able to talk about this stuff with people who understand. Hugs to you all!
Oh, BTW, these past few days I have been thinking a lot about the man I married. The person he is now is NOT that man. I miss that man, and I hope he is not gone forever. It is a little like mourning the death of a loved one. I get so sad, and think about all the good things, and the time before alcohol turned him into what he is today. Please tell me I'm normal for thinking and feeling all this.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Johnstown PA
Posts: 8
Oh, BTW, these past few days I have been thinking a lot about the man I married. The person he is now is NOT that man. I miss that man, and I hope he is not gone forever. It is a little like mourning the death of a loved one. I get so sad, and think about all the good things, and the time before alcohol turned him into what he is today. Please tell me I'm normal for thinking and feeling all this.
********{hugs}}}}}
You're perfectly normal, dear. I'm in the trenches with you, mourning the loss of the man I used to know, too.
********{hugs}}}}}
You're perfectly normal, dear. I'm in the trenches with you, mourning the loss of the man I used to know, too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Mary alice, KY
Posts: 122
crayzee
I too say that you did the right thing. Please don't let him hurt the 4 yearold again or any other child for that matter. He is not a man if hr hits. It takes a man to talk it out insteqd of hitting. I see so many people vo
I too say that you did the right thing. Please don't let him hurt the 4 yearold again or any other child for that matter. He is not a man if hr hits. It takes a man to talk it out insteqd of hitting. I see so many people vo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
I know Crayzee. It seems like they have two personalities -- the one they turn on at the beginning that is wonderful, to suck us in. Then once we're good and hooked, the other one rears its ugly head and you wonder what happened to the man you fell in love with.
But you did the right thing. You cannot cannot cannot let him touch your children. That is dead wrong. And once he does it, can you ever trust him again, even if he gets help? I don't know. I'm not saying it's impossible, nothing's impossible.
But you did the right thing. You cannot cannot cannot let him touch your children. That is dead wrong. And once he does it, can you ever trust him again, even if he gets help? I don't know. I'm not saying it's impossible, nothing's impossible.
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