kglast

You may remember my last post a week ago - I was very down...well, guess who called??? Yup. XAF....crying, etc. (never got my message about my poor Fagen as he fell into the water with his cell phone on him and it no longer works....). I answered the phone b/c I had left him a message the week before. He never even got it! Anyway, he was going on and on about what are we doing, we need to talk, can I come down this weekend so we can talk...in my weakness, I agreed.

Then the phone continued to ring ALL NIGHT - apparently his new GF was there and he was "sneaking" to call me - gee, doesn't that make me feel special.....well, she finally caught him - I could hear her yelling and calling him a low life - saying that he would use me (I don't think she knew it was me, but she definitely knew it was another woman) just like he used her...the call ended with him begging me to call him over the weekend, then he said "Bye, MOM!!!!" and hung up on me!!!!!

I called the next morning and told him the only conversation I am interesting in having with him (as I am typing this, I am wondering why I would even want to....) was a sober, heart to heart about how we both feel NOW, no rehashing the past, and what if anything we are willing or able to do about it. He asked if he could call me back in a couple of hours...

Well, he did and then stated he was not going to be around over the weekend. He told me it was a mistake for him to have called me, that "obviously" he missed me alot and still loves me but that now is not the time for us to have that talk...he doesn't want to hurt me any more than he already has. (READ: "I am NOT going to get sober.").

After a little bit of initial disappointment, there was relief...my home was so peaceful Tuesday night without the phone ringing off the hook and craziness coming through the ear piece...that was a big "aha" moment for me...after all of the NO CONTACT, I forgot how awful it really was....

Guess everything really does happen for a reason...thanks for listening.

LGLG07

Yup , you dont know what you have til its gone ...
What you had was total chaos and craziness and you can definitely live without both !!

Good for you that you realized how peaceful your night was and why . Now you can keep it that way .
(())s

steve11694

"I could hear her yelling and calling him a low life"
================================================

At least you can agree with her on this point. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy to have detached physically and very much emotionally because the behavior of an active addict can make a sane person crazy.

I recall walking on eggshells every day. AW was either irritable and nasty or simply in a fog pre-party mode. The only time she reached out in a non hostile obnoxious way was with a terrible hangover in pain. As soon as the hangover was gone, she became focused on booze again.

hbb

(((KG)))) i'm so sorry he's doing this to you. I don't think i could ever talk to him again just after the "Mom" comment....what a jerk. Who do these guys think they are. They really are a different breed (sorry steve)!! They don't change, they NEVER change, i'm convinced of that. What nerve, he wants his cake and eat it too. Like lg said "you don't know what you have till it's gone". I"m hoping my ex sees that light too and i can tell him to take a leap....

kglast

thanks hbb.....

please, like she really believed he was talking to his mother on the phone - he wouldn't have been hiding to do that....hahaha...i am sure she was listening for a while before she said anything...haha....better her than me....

Wascally Wabbit

Isn't it great when the chaos is out of the house? It's like a breath of fresh mountain air. It clears your head.

MsGolightly

kg, you're so strong, i'm so proud of you!

if he wants to sober up and change and have that heart-to-heart, he knows where to find you. he knows what kind of effort to make, he knows what to do. it's hard knowing that he never might actually make those moves, but i think it's just a sign that there's someone else out there (or quite a few!) who would be willing to do all of that for you. you don't want someone like him anymore anyway! you deserve better!

kglast

thanks ITFM!!!!! you are right! he knows where to find me and what he needs to do if he wants any kind of future - in the meantime, i am moving on....i guess i am pretty strong....i usually don't feel very strong - must be the HP guiding me along....

hbb

You got that right sista, i'm starting to preach that in my own situation!!!!

cagefree

There's nothing like a taste of the "old life" to make you realize how nice it is when they're not around causing CHAOS