There is always hope!
Caring for the 3 little bears
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
There is always hope!
Hello everyone. My AH and I just returned from his 2 year birthday! Drug and alcohol free for two years!
I used to want to make everything HIS story. Then I realized I needed to work on, take care of, MY story. Now it is OUR story.
Many of you know our story. My AH drank for 33 years. Tried AA off and on for 9 years. He was so bad, he was drinking all day and night, and eventually almost killed himself and our children in a car accident. A BAD BAD car wreck. You would think that would be his bottom. NOT! He continued drinking and now adding narcotics to the mix and continued this for another 3 years after the accident.
During this time, I had friends/family telling me he was hopeless. I knew in my heart he wasn't. I was so wrapped up in him and what he was doing or not doing that I knew I had to do something differently or I was going to mentally harm my children even more than they were already harmed. And, I had no peace or serenity in my own life. I knew God didn't want that for me.
I eventually started coming here. I started working on me. I realized I was hurting myself and my children. I could not make him stop drinking. I was powerless, totally powerless over this. All I could do was work on me and being the best mother I could be to my children. That was hard. Life isn't easy, but I tell you, it became so much easier. I decided it was not in the best interest for myself or my children for him to live with us. I kicked him out. He got worse. So bad, he almost died twice. Even though he was an extremely sick individual, there was a peace in my home for the first time in years. I was doing what I needed to do to take care of my family. I didn't think I was strong enough, but God gave me the strength, and the serenity, the confidence and the will to keep on keeping on.
Eventually, he ended up in his 6th or 7th rehab, and then jail. I did not bail him out. I blocked our phone #. It was hard. But, no contact was best. I also decided I did not have to think about divorce today, so I didn't. That was a huge monkey off my back.
He met an angel in jail. Someone who talked to him about how the AA program had worked for them. He decided to jump in with both feet this time. Instead of sticking his toes in like he had for nine years, he jumped in.
And now, we are a family again. He goes to 7-9 meetings a week. His relationship with God has been restored. His family is once again a family.
ALLELUIA!!!!
Just wanted to share the good news with everyone.
I used to want to make everything HIS story. Then I realized I needed to work on, take care of, MY story. Now it is OUR story.
Many of you know our story. My AH drank for 33 years. Tried AA off and on for 9 years. He was so bad, he was drinking all day and night, and eventually almost killed himself and our children in a car accident. A BAD BAD car wreck. You would think that would be his bottom. NOT! He continued drinking and now adding narcotics to the mix and continued this for another 3 years after the accident.
During this time, I had friends/family telling me he was hopeless. I knew in my heart he wasn't. I was so wrapped up in him and what he was doing or not doing that I knew I had to do something differently or I was going to mentally harm my children even more than they were already harmed. And, I had no peace or serenity in my own life. I knew God didn't want that for me.
I eventually started coming here. I started working on me. I realized I was hurting myself and my children. I could not make him stop drinking. I was powerless, totally powerless over this. All I could do was work on me and being the best mother I could be to my children. That was hard. Life isn't easy, but I tell you, it became so much easier. I decided it was not in the best interest for myself or my children for him to live with us. I kicked him out. He got worse. So bad, he almost died twice. Even though he was an extremely sick individual, there was a peace in my home for the first time in years. I was doing what I needed to do to take care of my family. I didn't think I was strong enough, but God gave me the strength, and the serenity, the confidence and the will to keep on keeping on.
Eventually, he ended up in his 6th or 7th rehab, and then jail. I did not bail him out. I blocked our phone #. It was hard. But, no contact was best. I also decided I did not have to think about divorce today, so I didn't. That was a huge monkey off my back.
He met an angel in jail. Someone who talked to him about how the AA program had worked for them. He decided to jump in with both feet this time. Instead of sticking his toes in like he had for nine years, he jumped in.
And now, we are a family again. He goes to 7-9 meetings a week. His relationship with God has been restored. His family is once again a family.
ALLELUIA!!!!
Just wanted to share the good news with everyone.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((wraybear))))
Way to go dear one. It sounds like you contributed greatly to his sobriety just by not taking any more crap off of him. Good for you and him.
2 years clean is totally awesome!!! I know you must be so glad and the rest of your family too....
Way to go dear one. It sounds like you contributed greatly to his sobriety just by not taking any more crap off of him. Good for you and him.
2 years clean is totally awesome!!! I know you must be so glad and the rest of your family too....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
That truly is a message of hope, a message of miracles and I have learned that miracles happen when we least expect them sometimes.
I am so happy for both of you, 2 years is awesome and so is your own growth in this program.
Hugs for everyone
I am so happy for both of you, 2 years is awesome and so is your own growth in this program.
Hugs for everyone
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Believe me there are MANY MANY stories of recovered lives, recovered families, the thing is on these forums we won't hear about many cause the folks here, myself included, have not gotten their miracle YET.
I am very happy for you and I hope next time it will be US, each and every person on these forums.
I am very happy for you and I hope next time it will be US, each and every person on these forums.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
I agree!!! It is soooo good to hear a happy ending!!!! I also wish that for everyone here....we forget sometimes, in our despair, that ANYTHING is possible....thank you so much for sharing your story!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
WRAYBEAR,
How did your family feel about you going back to him? My sisters will never speak to me again if I even entertain the thought. I feel everyone would hate me and tell me not to speak to them anymore. Just curious how others treated you when you went back...
How did your family feel about you going back to him? My sisters will never speak to me again if I even entertain the thought. I feel everyone would hate me and tell me not to speak to them anymore. Just curious how others treated you when you went back...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Wraybear......thanks for the update! It is so nice to hear how your life has improved. I am so happy for you and your husband.
Thanks also for the E,S, and especially Hope that surprises can and do sometimes happen when we least expect them.
Continued happiness and success to you and your family!
Thanks also for the E,S, and especially Hope that surprises can and do sometimes happen when we least expect them.
Continued happiness and success to you and your family!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
WRAYBEAR!!!! I think of you often and remember how supportive you were of me when I first arrived on this board way back when. It is so wonderful to hear that out of the ashes has come victory. I'm so happy for you. It sounds like Dorothy is back home in Kansas at last ... and there's NO PLACE like home!
Caring for the 3 little bears
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
don't ever go there again!
thank you for all your replies.
Splendra, Ann and Prod, Liveweyerd (and PickaName, did you change names?) thank you for your support back then when I was deep in despair and riding the emotional rollercoaster.
I need to try to remember how bad it was, so I can remember to never allow myself to go there again. Not to dwell on the past, but to remember the past, so I can change the future. We are the only ones in control of our own futures. With God's help and our willingness to listen, we must take action because nothing changes if nothing changes!
For those of you who cried and all the others who replied, believe me... I have cried too at many posts on here and cried my eyeballs out as I was typing posts. All I can say is GO AHEAD AND CRY!!! DO IT!!!
I will also share that I am emotionally stable for the first time in 30 years. I continue to work on not feeling guilty or shameful, as that has been one of my downfalls - accepting that I am not superwoman and it is okay to not mop the floors once a week or to let the laundry pile up, and to say NO at work!! I am the poster child of codependent. I could write a book!!!!
Aweda, I made some pretty big prerequisites for my AH. He had to be sober, one year, he had to seek out an addiction counselor, and he had to start participating in the family stuff... kids school, kids sports, and he had to help financially. etc. Some may say this was controlling, but it was for ME and my kids, not for him. (I did end up caving in at about 6 months instead of a year!!!!)
Part of his recovery, was to make amends to people he had harmed. That included my family, his family, our friends. He also says he is doing "living amends" by being the man that God wants him be.
This is a man who has embraced AA and is working the AA program. It WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!!!!!!
Aweda, I wish you well. I hope your A is doing what he needs to do, and I hope you are able do what is in your best interest and always remember, you have a choice in this. And when dealing with an active addict, you HAVE to put your best interests first.
Thanks to all of you!
Splendra, Ann and Prod, Liveweyerd (and PickaName, did you change names?) thank you for your support back then when I was deep in despair and riding the emotional rollercoaster.
I need to try to remember how bad it was, so I can remember to never allow myself to go there again. Not to dwell on the past, but to remember the past, so I can change the future. We are the only ones in control of our own futures. With God's help and our willingness to listen, we must take action because nothing changes if nothing changes!
For those of you who cried and all the others who replied, believe me... I have cried too at many posts on here and cried my eyeballs out as I was typing posts. All I can say is GO AHEAD AND CRY!!! DO IT!!!
I will also share that I am emotionally stable for the first time in 30 years. I continue to work on not feeling guilty or shameful, as that has been one of my downfalls - accepting that I am not superwoman and it is okay to not mop the floors once a week or to let the laundry pile up, and to say NO at work!! I am the poster child of codependent. I could write a book!!!!
Aweda, I made some pretty big prerequisites for my AH. He had to be sober, one year, he had to seek out an addiction counselor, and he had to start participating in the family stuff... kids school, kids sports, and he had to help financially. etc. Some may say this was controlling, but it was for ME and my kids, not for him. (I did end up caving in at about 6 months instead of a year!!!!)
Part of his recovery, was to make amends to people he had harmed. That included my family, his family, our friends. He also says he is doing "living amends" by being the man that God wants him be.
This is a man who has embraced AA and is working the AA program. It WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!!!!!!
Aweda, I wish you well. I hope your A is doing what he needs to do, and I hope you are able do what is in your best interest and always remember, you have a choice in this. And when dealing with an active addict, you HAVE to put your best interests first.
Thanks to all of you!
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