dry, denial & blame
 

"it's been a year since I had my last drink", so he says...

it's also been a year since I asked him to leave as I couldn't live with the insanity anymore...

i don't believe he is sober, but even if he is, he is a dry drunk because he refuses to attend any treatment or recovery program, he says he is "fine", he's "over it", yet, he drinks a lot of non-alcoholic beers, is playing his guitar in bars and at parties all over town, staying up late...

and I somehow continue to feel hurt by his words and actions! what is wrong with me??!!!

I feel slighted, hurt, angry, lied to and manipulated.

he says, "you always leave when i come over to see the kids", well, that's just it, he comes over to "see the kids" , not me, he has yet to come back for me! he will not take responsibility, has never shown remorse, he just wants to "hang out" and not work things out, or talk about how our marriage has come to this point, he does admit that he really doesn't remember a whole lot from the past 7 years... i told him i'm sure he doesn't, and that must feel awful...

but, he literally comes in my house on his visiting days singing!!! he is as happy as a lark and i'm miserable.... doesn't make sense... but of course he is happy, he has no responsibilties at all!! he doesn't pay a dime for the kids, doesn't do any laundry, shop or feed them, he just comes to play with them twice a week...

we are in the middle of the divorce process and I feel sick about it, i feel lonely and mad and so so sad... he just shrugs his shoulders and says, 'if this is what you want"...

NO IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT, NONE OF THIS IS WHAT I'VE WANTED!!! I WANTED A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH A MATURE MAN, NOT A DRUNK!!!

Divorce is a very emotional senero, and their is grieving process that we all must go through.

Accept that is over, grieve, and look forward to your new beginning.