Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on a MTB trail somewhere
Posts: 202
Advice
Hi all!! I have been praying about this for a while now and I'm sure I probably just need to keep praying and the answer will be given to me. At the same time I also wanted to get advice and feedback from my friends here at SR.
As some of you know the whole story with my ex-rabf. Both he and I have personal blogs. He started his after finding mine. Since, then he comes and reads mine and I'll admit to everyone here (I've already told my therapist and my Al-Anon support group quite a while ago) that I have gone and read his. The thing is that I know he knows, that I know he reads my blog, just as he knows that I know, he knows I've read his.... Yet, we try to act as if we haven't. I'm not sure as to what the motivation behind my having read his blog is it Fear? is there another message from my HP that I'm just not understanding? It is causing me to feel unrest... I wouldn't feel phased by it if it was one of my friends, family, or those here from SR but, it confuses me why I who is really trying to work through all my un-delt with feelings/emotions from the past to become a better me and who has been told by the ex-rabf he wishes not to be friends reads his blog...And likewise why the ex-rabf who wants nothing to do with me comes and reads mine.
~MTB
As some of you know the whole story with my ex-rabf. Both he and I have personal blogs. He started his after finding mine. Since, then he comes and reads mine and I'll admit to everyone here (I've already told my therapist and my Al-Anon support group quite a while ago) that I have gone and read his. The thing is that I know he knows, that I know he reads my blog, just as he knows that I know, he knows I've read his.... Yet, we try to act as if we haven't. I'm not sure as to what the motivation behind my having read his blog is it Fear? is there another message from my HP that I'm just not understanding? It is causing me to feel unrest... I wouldn't feel phased by it if it was one of my friends, family, or those here from SR but, it confuses me why I who is really trying to work through all my un-delt with feelings/emotions from the past to become a better me and who has been told by the ex-rabf he wishes not to be friends reads his blog...And likewise why the ex-rabf who wants nothing to do with me comes and reads mine.
~MTB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on a MTB trail somewhere
Posts: 202
I tried to edit my post to add this but it wouldn't let me.
Anyway, I wanted to add that he adds his link to his blog in his profile on a forum which both he and I use only after seeing that I have a link to my blog on my profile on that same forum. If I remove my link to my blog he goes and does the same. If he is worried that I'm people will know the ex I've spoke of in my blog is him they won't. I've used his first name once but it's such a common name no one would ever know its him. The only other time I've used his (first and last name) in a post was towards the end of June and I wrote that post very angry. I also deleted the post a couple days later b/c I felt bad. Nothing I've ever written in my blog has been a lie, so if I ever write about the relationship and what happened none of it would be a lie. If he is worried about me telling people about our relationship and how he cheated on me with at least 4 women if not more and that he is an alcoholic even if recovering well, he is going to have to learn to overcome that fear and realize that that if he doesn't like the consquences well he shouldn't have done the behavior. Alcohol can explain cheating once but after that its not an excuse anymore it becomes a conscious decision.
Anyway, I wanted to add that he adds his link to his blog in his profile on a forum which both he and I use only after seeing that I have a link to my blog on my profile on that same forum. If I remove my link to my blog he goes and does the same. If he is worried that I'm people will know the ex I've spoke of in my blog is him they won't. I've used his first name once but it's such a common name no one would ever know its him. The only other time I've used his (first and last name) in a post was towards the end of June and I wrote that post very angry. I also deleted the post a couple days later b/c I felt bad. Nothing I've ever written in my blog has been a lie, so if I ever write about the relationship and what happened none of it would be a lie. If he is worried about me telling people about our relationship and how he cheated on me with at least 4 women if not more and that he is an alcoholic even if recovering well, he is going to have to learn to overcome that fear and realize that that if he doesn't like the consquences well he shouldn't have done the behavior. Alcohol can explain cheating once but after that its not an excuse anymore it becomes a conscious decision.
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
Who cares why he does what he does. He makes no sense, he operates on his own dimension where on some level it makes sense to him.
Why did you read his blog? You are a recovering codie. Own it - work through it - try to not act on it in the meantime.
Feelings are feelings - you can want him to make sense all you want, just don't act on it. Your feelings are valid and very real - just allow yourself to feel them, think about how it applies to you being a codie and it will pass.
The more you remove him from your life, the less chaos will reign and why's and what if's will become obsolete.
Why did you read his blog? You are a recovering codie. Own it - work through it - try to not act on it in the meantime.
Feelings are feelings - you can want him to make sense all you want, just don't act on it. Your feelings are valid and very real - just allow yourself to feel them, think about how it applies to you being a codie and it will pass.
The more you remove him from your life, the less chaos will reign and why's and what if's will become obsolete.
Unconditional love
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Mi
Posts: 84
Sounds like you guys are using the blogs as a way to either keep in touch or get back at each other in some way. Maybe you are doing it sub-consciously who knows. Can you just take your blog off for a while and put it back up later and stay away from his. Sounds like these blogs are interfering with your recovery.
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