I'm hoping again, dagnabbit
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm hoping again, dagnabbit
And again, I feel like I'm two people; one quietly observing the other, shaking her head and going "yeah, well, you'll live and learn, and when it hurts enough, you'll get out."
The detachment is working. AH hasn't been drinking for, oh, maybe a week? I don't know. I'm not paying attention anymore. He told me he hadn't been drinking for X number of days and I said, "Oh. Good for you." and went about my business.
Because we've been here 900 times before. He quits drinking (to show me that he can and thus, he will have me know, is not an alcoholic... ), he "gets sick" (yeah, just got an e-mail about how he's coming down with something ), and then something happens (his boss is mean to him, his mom yells at him on the phone, his old college buddy's aunt's dog dies) that he explains to me is a reason he has to drink to feel better.
I can tell he's scared now, though. It's different this time -- not that I think he'll sober up for good, good heavens, no -- but this time, he's scared. He sees that I have a life without him. I have friends, I have plans, I have fun -- without him. We're still living under the same roof, sharing kids & expenses, but our lives are parallel and don't really coincide. And I'm fine with that.
It's odd, really. I've been feeling so strong & ready for a while. And when he quits drinking just for a few days, I start hoping again. And the other side of me laughs a bit, shakes her head and goes, "well, you'll get out when it hurts enough. Apparently, you haven't taken enough yet."
Anyone relate?
The detachment is working. AH hasn't been drinking for, oh, maybe a week? I don't know. I'm not paying attention anymore. He told me he hadn't been drinking for X number of days and I said, "Oh. Good for you." and went about my business.
Because we've been here 900 times before. He quits drinking (to show me that he can and thus, he will have me know, is not an alcoholic... ), he "gets sick" (yeah, just got an e-mail about how he's coming down with something ), and then something happens (his boss is mean to him, his mom yells at him on the phone, his old college buddy's aunt's dog dies) that he explains to me is a reason he has to drink to feel better.
I can tell he's scared now, though. It's different this time -- not that I think he'll sober up for good, good heavens, no -- but this time, he's scared. He sees that I have a life without him. I have friends, I have plans, I have fun -- without him. We're still living under the same roof, sharing kids & expenses, but our lives are parallel and don't really coincide. And I'm fine with that.
It's odd, really. I've been feeling so strong & ready for a while. And when he quits drinking just for a few days, I start hoping again. And the other side of me laughs a bit, shakes her head and goes, "well, you'll get out when it hurts enough. Apparently, you haven't taken enough yet."
Anyone relate?
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Yes, I can relate. When I started in Alanon, I did not believe that I could have peace and serenity whether the alcoholic is drinking or not, but now I am actually living it.
It's all about loving detachment, healthy boundaries, and loving and respecting oneself. This allows the addict to tend to their own stuff - and whether they do, or whether they don't - it totally up to them - we can't control it. :-)
It's all about loving detachment, healthy boundaries, and loving and respecting oneself. This allows the addict to tend to their own stuff - and whether they do, or whether they don't - it totally up to them - we can't control it. :-)
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I can relate. I got great at detachment too. And I had the same voice.
It took me several years to finally listen to that voice. My A too went through cycles of sober and not, sober and not, same as yours. Mine never got out of it, sad to say. He's still somewhere, drinking himself into oblivion. I went to many meetings, got great at my program, got calm and still inside, and could detach until the cows come home but that didn't change the fact that I didn't want to spend my one precious life with an alcoholic. Period.
I'll be praying you don't have to go through the same....that maybe he'll have reached his bottom at some point...
HUgs,
GL
It took me several years to finally listen to that voice. My A too went through cycles of sober and not, sober and not, same as yours. Mine never got out of it, sad to say. He's still somewhere, drinking himself into oblivion. I went to many meetings, got great at my program, got calm and still inside, and could detach until the cows come home but that didn't change the fact that I didn't want to spend my one precious life with an alcoholic. Period.
I'll be praying you don't have to go through the same....that maybe he'll have reached his bottom at some point...
HUgs,
GL
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
I can relate. My husband is in many ways like yours, except along with some periods of sobriety, he'll do what he's doing now have 1 beer a night to show he can and then all out binge on alcohol and more on Friday, drink nothing Saturday and Sunday and so the cycle continues.
These days I ignore, go about my business, we've split so many times, but I seem to work on me more and better when he's around so I end up back and once again detaching. When the pain of living this way is too much we will leave, until then, hang in there and Ill do the same
These days I ignore, go about my business, we've split so many times, but I seem to work on me more and better when he's around so I end up back and once again detaching. When the pain of living this way is too much we will leave, until then, hang in there and Ill do the same
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