mama2sunshine

I found this site a long time ago. I came here because of my alcoholic partner/father of my 18 month old daughter. I learned alot here and this site gave me some strength. My partner got real drunk and I left and went to a friend's house. I had never left before. That seemed to make a big impact on him. He started going to therapy. Things seemed better. I went to therapy with him a few times. I have been suspicious again lately that he is drinking again. Tonight I am sure. I did not find any tangible proof but I know. I feel like nothing has changed. That I went throught this big journey and now I am here in the same place again with him. Lying and sneaking. Lying and sneaking. And now that I left and came back . . . Well, he knows I'll come back. Argh. I am leaving here with my daughter in a few weeks to be with my family for a month in a different state. I am just living for that right now.

I feel numb. stupid. used. fooled. duped. When will I learn?

AWEDA

Mama,
Same with me,after numerous rehabs and promises he always lied and dramk again. I too felt foolish,ashamed as everyone else including my son knew he would return to his old ways. We want to believe things will get better, I have learned on here that I was in love with the person I wanted him to be. It was just a fantasy. I still am fearful that one day he maay sweet talk me into taking him back. We have been apart for 5 months, and my life is peacful. Why would I want to go back? My low self esteem of not being able to find some else? Settling for so little in my life makes me very sad. I tell myself this time I will stay stong, he will not manipulate me any longer. Peace be yours, take care.......

CE Girl

Isn't amazing how we just "know"? The "tangible" proof being the way we get used to being treated

The "sobriety" of my XA was what was unusual. And just as I got to the point, I could get used to it, the "knowing" of the familiarity of the cunningness and deceit of the disease would come back with verocity,,,,

For me, I had to break the cycle to stop the insanity.

Detachment was where I began. Realizing finally, that I can not control the desire for the drink, cause by my word or action the alcoholic to drink, and more importantly CURE anothers disease. I was powerless.

But EMPOWERED to make my life better.

Have you thought about how you would like to do that?

Peace

an'ka

You have absolutely no reason to berate yourself. He may have gone to his old ways, and you can't do anything about that no matter how hard you try, but YOU have changed. Even though you find yourself in the same situation, you as a person have already changed. You have a new perspective, you are aware of more options for yourself, you have grown. Sometimes it takes several tries for us to learn the lesson, but once we finally "get" it, there is no going back.

You are learning the lesson. The next move is to apply the knowledge.

sunshine321

Don't be down on yourself. Any one of us could find ourselves in that position. And remind yourself that you had the courage to actually leave, which is more than I have done so far. I too have a baby with my abf who is going to 1 year old this month. I'm still living the nightmare as of today. So I understand how hard that must have been to leave, but you did it! You say because you came back once, he knows you'll come back again. But what you did not state is that you've already left once, and what's to say you won't leave again too. It works both ways. And you are not stupid. Alcoholism is a powerful addiction and it's cunning. I'm sure he wants to get better rather than lose you and his child. Maybe he's just not ready yet. You could stay away next time until he is in AA for at least a year. Not just therapy but also a program. I consider myself an intelligent, well-educated person. I'm no match for this disease either. Try Al-Anon. I'm already starting to see some changes in me. Not big ones but baby steps.

You will make the right choices for you and your baby. Know that.

Jenny

parentrecovers

glad you came back and posted, k

mama2sunshine

Thanks for all the replies. Another bad night of hearing him rant and rave and deny, deny, deny . . . Only two weeks until me and baby go home to my family for a month.

sunshine321

((((((( ))))))) I'm so sorry that happened again. Is there anyone you can stay with until that time? A friend? That is the worst feeling. He's probably threatened by your leaving to go home to safety (your family). He probably senses that you won't be back. Or if you will that it won't be to stay after having peace with people that you love and love you back. A "normal" home. Good luck! And I hope that if you sense he would harm you, you would call the police. Please do not hesitate. I've often thought of doing it myself.

Jenny