hopeangel

well, that's what you get when you let an alcoholic in (or at least mine). give and inch, they take a mile and then take 100 more.

well, after feeling compassion for my ah and letting him in and supporting him through our loss and tragedy and i have been burned again.

he went and closed an account without me knowing it. i won't go into all the details, but i wrote two checks to this account and now have returned check fees and it has been turned into a recovery center, so probably bad credit??? he did not want there being a balance on it, so the day i used it i went to the bank and paid it. the lady said, this account is closed, i said no, she said okay, now i get this. so now i am fighting with the bank because i never agreed to close this account, both our names are on it. i don't think they can close it without my signature? he really hurt me bad with this because i had worked so hard to get us this credit line and it was for us to do future things with. he did this totally out of spite, knowing it would hurt me

then, for icing on the cake last night, i get in the mail the lawsuit for the car accident i was in and sure enough, guess who is named in it as entitled to half the money!!! - yep, AH. he didn't do anything. had absolutely nothing to do with the accident. i had to lay in bed scared i couldn't breathe and needed to go to the hospital and he was passed out and wouldn't even wake up!!!! he doesn't deserve this.

i didn't let him see the papers that he was named in the suit -it was a total shock to me, but he asked me what they were. i didn't tell him, but he was sure to tell me that -ahhh, i'm entitled to half the money- then said he didn't want a dime from me, but was entitled to it. i asked who was telling him these things (i think it was his mom and dad-i'm sure they are seeing dollar signs!) he said he went to a lawyer -don't believe him, but...

what a nice guy, huh? piranha is all i can think of right now.

chero

Hope, I'm so sorry! I can't believe all they do and think they are justified in doing.

You are so strong and will survive this. Have you thought about consulting with an attorney. I would for sure open your own accuont that his name is not on.

I'm sorry he is doing this.

Hugs and prayers!!!
((((HopeAngel))))

parentrecovers

it's just what alcoholics/addicts do. i'm so sorry. blessings, k

LaTeeDa

FWIW, Hope, I can relate to what you are feeling. You give and give and give some more, and all he does is take. I financially supported our family for the last 5 years of my marriage. That included 100% of every mortgage payment ever made on the house. When talk of divorce began, he knew he was 'entitled' to half. Under the community property laws, that is, not the universal laws of what's right and fair. At some point, I decided that I participated in the insanity long enough that whatever happened with the assets was just going to have to be a life lesson for me. Don't give up yourself to someone who doesn't even appreciate it, let alone give equally.

There is not much you can do to stop him if he wants to keep on taking from you and the law allows it. The best thing you can do at this point is cut your losses and move on, IMO. I'm not saying you shouldn't fight for what is yours, but if it's going to be a long and ugly battle, with little chance of winning, is it really worth it?

Sometimes the peace is worth more than the money. You have to decide.

BTW, if you believe in Karma...........

L

ladyjane

Yep, they take and take and take. I agree with LaTeeDa, sometimes the peace is worth more than the money.
_______________
Trish

hopeangel

what is the saying... fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! i guess we need things like this to learn our lessons and keep us straight in reality and i guess we go back however many times it takes to really grasp it, or need the reminders.

thank you all so much for your words right now. i really need them. i just can't believe the stress (he is putting me under) after all that we just went through and now i am having to deal with this.

lateeda-i so needed the advice and the karma part... thanks you made me feel better.

i haven't felt anger like this in a long time, if ever. i actually have to remind myself to breathe because when i think about it i find myself holding my breath and not breathing?

denny57

I did get to the point where I understood and accepted I was putting myself under the stress. That was great, because then I was in control of removing that stress. It's a process.

hopeangel

thanks denny, right now i am laughing at your other thread about ah driving past the house and waving. (i know it might not be funny to you,but)...i can totally see my AH doing that with a GREAT BIG SMILE on his face. so, thanks to you i feel better

denny57

It's more of a smirk, but you get the picture LOL!

hopeangel

i get the picture. gimme a break...lol

queenteree

Hopeangel
If this is the summons and complaint, call your attorney immediately!!! Ask him if you AH needs to be on it or if he just put him on it. I still find it hard to believe he is entitled to half. Please double check with your attorney (the personal injury one, not a matrimonal one) if it is just in suit and not settled yet.
Terri

Lady BlueMiles

so now i am fighting with the bank because i never agreed to close this account, both our names are on it. i don't think they can close it without my signature? he really hurt me bad with this because i had worked so hard to get us this credit line and it was for us to do future things with.

This is a real sore spot for me too with the banks. AH just closed our joint checking account we've had for years without my knowledge last week. Although in principle it bothers me, I'm JUMPING FOR JOY over it. It's one less potential disaster waiting to happen to me in case he ever writes bad checks when we split and one less argument I have to deal with about the account getting closed.

BUT, I'm really ticked at the way this account was handled by the bank from DAY ONE. Long time ago AH had lost his license over OUI and couldn't even open a checking account without one. When we moved to present State (employent opportunities) me holding a valid license opened a checking account. Two weeks later they told us we couldn't cash or deposit a third party paycheck (his) I added him to the account for that purpose only. We weren't even married then!

It wasn't until a year or so later I realized he had somehow become the PRIMARY holder of the account. How? Only one party on the account was entitled to the free death insurance they used to offer and when it came in the mail it was offered to HIM. I called the bank and asked how that could be when he couldn't even open the account without a license and it was MOI that opened the account! I couldn't believe it. That bank sold to another and that one to another and that account mysteriously evolved to be HIS account with me as the second party. At that time, they said the primary had to be present if I wanted to close the account. I was livid. Of course it was an issue AH and I could not resolve. Argument followed argument, He would not close the account.

The same thing happened to me with one of MY credit cards. I was talked into having a second card with his name on it in case I ever needed someone to tend to my affairs in case of emergencies/hospitalization etc. He weasled his way into that one and is now considered the "Head" on that card to the tune of of 20K that I am also responsible for as the secondary on the card. And I never even told him about that card. He found out about it from the credit card company when he was doing a credit surveillance on his accounts and they reported it because his name was on the account.

NEVER AGAIN!!! Once I can get this mess dissolved I will never have anyone on my accounts EVER. Except for my son as beneficiary or executor when I can't handle my affairs someday.

yourgirl

after 25 years of marriage the best thing my husband ever did for me was to always keep our debts separate. I believe he felt in control of me this way but has made it quite easy for me to walk away with little debt and leave him with all the bills he has amassed.

Mr. Christian

Insanity = Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

guineapigjude

My XAH insisted what was mine was his and what was his was mine as long as I was the one busting ass while he drank/drugged the days away. Funny, but when he worked full time and I worked part time, raised the kids, cleaned the house, cooked, paid bills, etc etc, I was suddenly taking advantage of him so he'd be forced to support me. Yeah, right.
Along with the codependency issues, I think alot of us are A magnets because we're just so darned nice! We like to help and nuture, and its so against our nature to manipulate that you have to hit us over our heads with a sledgehammer before we get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chalk it up to another round with the sledgehammer. I firmly believe in karma ~ what goes around comes around. We may never know how it comes back to them, but it does.
Take care of yourself and let it go. You deserve peace!

hopeangel

Insanity = Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results-YEP
Chalk it up to another round with the sledgehammer-YEP

here's the BIG problem i have now with the attorney for the car accident. the reason i went to him is because a member of ah's band referred me there. his wife works there and is the one handling my case! ugh...i don't know that they even know we are having problems. but,......now i wonder if ah has secretly been talking to the guy he is in the band with. so what can i do????

GlassPrisoner

And when you don't get the results you want, doing the same thing again, only this time using more effort/will-power.

Rella927

Why is it they all seem to do this? Any A's out there that have done this in our SR Family? (Knowing it is manipulation....)but just do not fathom what goes through their heads while doing it!? Mine did this to me on many occasions!

Hope so sorry that you are going through this!
I also agree with LaTeeDa and cannot add much more than that!

I do however find it so true what Mr. C stated too....because my XAB actually said that to me when his fog started lifting-that he was tired of his own:

Personally I was tired of my own....and that is when I stopped it!

Rella927

I did not mean to post twice my computer is having a brain fart! Sorry!

queenteree

Hopeangel,
Regardless of who referred who to the attorney, the attorney works for YOU. He gets a percentage of YOUR settlement. He has to do, by legal and moral ethics what is in YOUR best interests. No matter who knows what, there is such a thing as attorney client confidentiality and you really should get AH's name OFF that lawsuit if you can. Protect yourself and never mind who gets wind of any problems, they're going to come out into the open anyway.

Terri