meeting with the lawyer
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
meeting with the lawyer
I'm meeting with the lawyer today to discuss divorce. UGH! I hate the sound of that word. I never thought I'd be in this place but I don't see any other options. I'm really nervous/scared. I don't know if I should be but I am.
I found out yesterday that my husband told my mom that he has
been supporting me financially. WHAT??? UGH! It makes me so mad!
Which the more I think about it is probably a good idea for me to go
to the lawyer mad. Otherwise, I have a tendency to be too nice and let
myself get run over.
Maybe I don't mean that. I don't wish bad on him or want anything unfairly. I
just want to be done. You know!?? I need something finished. I need a decision to be made. I need out. I just need out of this cycle....off the ride...whatever. I hate it but I don't see any other way.
Anyway...I see the attorney this afternoon. I'll let you know how it goes!
I found out yesterday that my husband told my mom that he has
been supporting me financially. WHAT??? UGH! It makes me so mad!
Which the more I think about it is probably a good idea for me to go
to the lawyer mad. Otherwise, I have a tendency to be too nice and let
myself get run over.
Maybe I don't mean that. I don't wish bad on him or want anything unfairly. I
just want to be done. You know!?? I need something finished. I need a decision to be made. I need out. I just need out of this cycle....off the ride...whatever. I hate it but I don't see any other way.
Anyway...I see the attorney this afternoon. I'll let you know how it goes!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Chero sorry you are going through this! Look how far that you have come-this is one of those bumps in the road that too shall pass!
Going in mad your right might not be the best idea-just picture the lawyer in his undies and stand tall with your feet planted on the ground. Write down things today before you go that you want to discuss and bring that little paper with you! This way if you feel anixous or mad or whatever you at least know what you are talking about.It works!
As for the hubby saying that he supports you, you know otherwise-my XAB actually told his XW that he was supporting me! Oh wait that is right he told her alot about the wrong that he I mean I was doing too! RIGHT! I knew better and so do you-
Keep up the great work chero! Think of your SR family standing behind you while you picture the attorney in his undies! We will all be there with you honey!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Awww Chero...chin up hunny.....its a necessary step to effect a necessary ending...I always hated to go to the attorney's office because it told me coldly that yes my marriage was coming to an end.....and mind you I waited for as long as I could in finding an attorney....thats how much I dreaded it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Attorneys provide a service. To get the most for your money, make sure to have all your facts written down along with your questions. Bring with you all necessary copies (copies of your paystub and his, etc.)
Try to stay unemotional and don't allow yourself to ramble about things that aren't related. I went with my best friend to meet with an attorney last year, and she started talking about her feelings and started crying. I was thinking, "he's on the clock, move on to the next question!".
You'll probabl feel relieved after you meet with him because you'll have more answers leaving than you did going in, and the wondering stinks. Good luck to you and I hope you have peace from here on out.
Try to stay unemotional and don't allow yourself to ramble about things that aren't related. I went with my best friend to meet with an attorney last year, and she started talking about her feelings and started crying. I was thinking, "he's on the clock, move on to the next question!".
You'll probabl feel relieved after you meet with him because you'll have more answers leaving than you did going in, and the wondering stinks. Good luck to you and I hope you have peace from here on out.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Thanks, guys. I'm trying to control the tears already and the meeting is hours away.
I was wondering, though, should I tell my husband that I'm filing for divorce? Is that the right thing to do?
If I do it myself then I'm going to wait until after I talk to the lawyer but I was wondering about that. Is it wrong to consider his feelings? I should tell him myself.
I was wondering, though, should I tell my husband that I'm filing for divorce? Is that the right thing to do?
If I do it myself then I'm going to wait until after I talk to the lawyer but I was wondering about that. Is it wrong to consider his feelings? I should tell him myself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
hi sweet chero! 
remember that it is getting in the door that is the hardest. this is no different hon! it is the fear of the unknown right now. once you actually make that step and get in the door to see the attorney everything will be much easier - it is just taking a step hon and you are doing that. Good for you! once you get in there your nerves will fade and you will feel relieved and empowered. you will feel much better leaving and having it over with. knowledge is power chero!!!
remember that it is getting in the door that is the hardest. this is no different hon! it is the fear of the unknown right now. once you actually make that step and get in the door to see the attorney everything will be much easier - it is just taking a step hon and you are doing that. Good for you! once you get in there your nerves will fade and you will feel relieved and empowered. you will feel much better leaving and having it over with. knowledge is power chero!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 62
I found out yesterday that my husband told my mom that he has
been supporting me financially. WHAT??? UGH! It makes me so mad!
Which the more I think about it is probably a good idea for me to go
to the lawyer mad. Otherwise, I have a tendency to be too nice and let
myself get run over.
Maybe I don't mean that. I don't wish bad on him or want anything unfairly. I
just want to be done. You know!?? I need something finished. I need a decision to be made. I need out. I just need out of this cycle....off the ride...whatever. I hate it but I don't see any other way.
Chero
HEALTHY ANGER
"So what does anger look like when it’s healthy? Effective action. Healthy anger may not look, sound or feel like anger as we have come to know it. It is purely and simply the raw energy of emotion channeled into action to accomplish the desired outcome. It shows up as determination, enthusiasm, clarity, focus, energy, drive, consistency, fortitude, guts, courage, commitment, persistence, and resilience. Healthy anger necessarily works in conjunction with humor and love, wisdom and intelligence."
"You can live the life you have always dreamed of, and the pure, powerful energy of your healthy anger can help you get there."
These are quotes from a book called...
Healthy Anger And Your Health - Make Your Anger Work For You Instead Of Against You
By William DeFoore
You know what is best for you. Keep your focus and let your "healthy anger" assist you in doing what is best for you.
Good Luck!
Jilly
been supporting me financially. WHAT??? UGH! It makes me so mad!
Which the more I think about it is probably a good idea for me to go
to the lawyer mad. Otherwise, I have a tendency to be too nice and let
myself get run over.
Maybe I don't mean that. I don't wish bad on him or want anything unfairly. I
just want to be done. You know!?? I need something finished. I need a decision to be made. I need out. I just need out of this cycle....off the ride...whatever. I hate it but I don't see any other way.
Chero
HEALTHY ANGER
"So what does anger look like when it’s healthy? Effective action. Healthy anger may not look, sound or feel like anger as we have come to know it. It is purely and simply the raw energy of emotion channeled into action to accomplish the desired outcome. It shows up as determination, enthusiasm, clarity, focus, energy, drive, consistency, fortitude, guts, courage, commitment, persistence, and resilience. Healthy anger necessarily works in conjunction with humor and love, wisdom and intelligence."
"You can live the life you have always dreamed of, and the pure, powerful energy of your healthy anger can help you get there."
These are quotes from a book called...
Healthy Anger And Your Health - Make Your Anger Work For You Instead Of Against You
By William DeFoore
You know what is best for you. Keep your focus and let your "healthy anger" assist you in doing what is best for you.
Good Luck!
Jilly
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by chero 
Thanks, guys. I'm trying to control the tears already and the meeting is hours away.
I was wondering, though, should I tell my husband that I'm filing for divorce? Is that the right thing to do?
If I do it myself then I'm going to wait until after I talk to the lawyer but I was wondering about that. Is it wrong to consider his feelings? I should tell him myself.
I was wondering, though, should I tell my husband that I'm filing for divorce? Is that the right thing to do?
If I do it myself then I'm going to wait until after I talk to the lawyer but I was wondering about that. Is it wrong to consider his feelings? I should tell him myself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 31
I filed for divorce last monday and have been on a rollar coaster ride of emotions since. After 25 years and no argument from the man I love hurts like none other. Oh sure I can stay on his terms and have what? Security there are no guantees in life I know.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I can tell you my story.
I lived with an addict. Same old story too. I got scared, and tired of living that way.
I made up my mind months before I left that I was going to leave.
I talked to a couple of attorneys to get all the advice I could.
I rented an apartment 2 weeks before I left.
I did all this without his knowledge because of how unpredictable addicts are.
I was taking care of myself, and that was the most important thing to me.
We wound up doing things in a peaceful manor, handling all the decisions ourself. Then, all we had to do was go to court. Unfortunately in SC, it takes a year of living apart before you can get the divorce.
It's been 2 years. I am at peace finally. No more fear no more chaos.
I hope it goes well for you.
I lived with an addict. Same old story too. I got scared, and tired of living that way.
I made up my mind months before I left that I was going to leave.
I talked to a couple of attorneys to get all the advice I could.
I rented an apartment 2 weeks before I left.
I did all this without his knowledge because of how unpredictable addicts are.
I was taking care of myself, and that was the most important thing to me.
We wound up doing things in a peaceful manor, handling all the decisions ourself. Then, all we had to do was go to court. Unfortunately in SC, it takes a year of living apart before you can get the divorce.
It's been 2 years. I am at peace finally. No more fear no more chaos.
I hope it goes well for you.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Well, I told him--even though I haven't met with the lawyer yet. Of course, he is completely shocked and hurt and how could I do this to him.
I don't know if it's because I've had a rough day or not, but I feel removed from the situation. He has had three months to start making the changes I felt were necessary and he wouldn't do it. He refused counseling, AA, rehab.
This isn't my fault. I didn't make him drink. I didn't cause him to do any of the things he did.
I am making the right decision.
This has to be the right decision. I don't see any other solution. I'm not sure I want any other solution.
I don't know if it's because I've had a rough day or not, but I feel removed from the situation. He has had three months to start making the changes I felt were necessary and he wouldn't do it. He refused counseling, AA, rehab.
This isn't my fault. I didn't make him drink. I didn't cause him to do any of the things he did.
I am making the right decision.
This has to be the right decision. I don't see any other solution. I'm not sure I want any other solution.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Originally Posted by Mr. Christian
well he might try something to make you stop like going to AA.
Originally Posted by Mr. Christian
But you hold your ground,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
He will probably berade you with attempts of sobriety now Chero....but I think you did the right thing in telling him before the lawyer sent him anything. That is the respectable way to do it in my opinion. Stay strong and follow your lawyers advice after starting this procedure. Don't back down.....if the two of you really have love between you and he miraculously embraces sobriety through or after the divorce then you can always remarry him again.....I know of 3 people that this has happened to over the years. One of them being an ex brother in law of mine.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
