suzieq1972

He calls me saying he wants to talk and like every time beofre he starts crying. It breaks my heart to hear him tell me that he knows how much he has hurt me and how much he misses us. He kept wanting me to tell him what to do. I told him I can't tell him what to do, I can only make suggestions. He just can't seem to get help on his own. He wants me to do it for him. I did that twice before and it got me nowhere.

Now what?

Astro

I used to love emailing my ex at work, begging for her love and attention, wanting her to tell me what I was doing wrong and wanting her to fix everything for me to make our relationship right. Then after awhile when she wouldn't do it for me I'd attack her and blame our failures on her attitude towards our relationship.

It was a vicious cycle. When she wouldn't do things for me I'd go on the warpath, when she'd be a good enabler life felt good to me. When I went too far and she threw me out I had my moment of clarity. The marriage didn't last, but I knew from that day on that my survival depended on my sobriety.

Mair

Hi suzie mine does the exact same. It's manipulation i think, mine called me on sunday saying he was really unwell and was near to fainting, i asked where he was and he is in the pub, he expected me to go to him. i didnt i told him that if he was that unwell that i'd call an ambulance for him. Funnily enough he felt better after 5 minutes. They are so used to getting their own way, and they have this overwhelming need to know that we are still going to be there picking up the peices, and if we still love them. You did the right thing, and i know how hard it is.
Yours and mine have to do this alone, and we have to look after ourselves. Astro I value your posts very much.

Mair

denny57

I wouldn't take the calls, especially at work.

ladyjane

He knows it breaks your heart to hear him crying. That's why he calls you at work. My as and ad do it all the time even though I tell them to please Not call me at work.

He also knows what he should do to make things right. Him Wanting to do them is another story. Be strong Suzieq. Hugs to you.
________________
Trish

elizabeth1979

My ex was a fan of this tactic as well.
He would become irate when I wouldnt take the calls, or block his email address. He wasnt getting his desired response I had conditioned him to expect.
Its tough, hang in there, but the only thing that helped me was to have no contact with him!

Taking5

Did you ever tell him to go to AA/NA? And did he ever do it?