Summer

About 2 weeks ago my A went on a bender and was gone for 3 nights in a row. did not call, I didn't know where he was or what was going on. He's done this before but only for one night, not three. Thankfully I was o.k., didn't seem to bother me too much thanks to alanon and people here. Anyway he finally comes home on a Saturday afternoon feeling real low, sad, and remorse. Said all the usual, sorry, going do this and that... quack, quack, quack. He's done a little online stuff but nothing else and doesn't look like anything more. I now feel like I missed out on my chance to really do something like kick him out til he makes more of an effort. What's wrong with me? I can't get off the merry go round!
Summer

smoke gets in my eyes

You don't have to strike while the skillet is hot, Summer. As a matter of fact, it seems like a good thing to me that you let it cool down. Making decisions and pronouncements in the middle of a crisis often makes for poor decisions and pronouncements one can't live up to. You didn't miss your chance. People aren't like puppies where you have to rub their nose in the piddle right after they've fouled the carpet. A decision like that needs to be for you, not to show him the error of his ways. If he's of a mind to recognize his error, he will see it himself. If he's not, no amount of consequences that you could dish out will wake him up.

If you want him to go, that's a decision you can make calmly and in your own good time. For you.

Big hugs!
Smoke

Debbie

Hey Summer

I don't think then would have been a good time to take action. Your emotions were raw at that point. Feeling angry that he did what he did and relieved that he was okay.

I think action is better taken with a clearer head and of course actions don't need to be taken immediately.

You will do what is best for you when the time right.

Many hugs,
Debbie

EyesOpen

Summer:

Last year, I my head was spinning trying to figure out whether to opt out of my marriage or not. Then, one day, it occurred to me that after getting the emotional satisfaction of kicking him out, I'd have to move on with my life. Up till then, my life revolved around hating his drinking, monitoring his actions, etc. I realized that without him around to hate, I'd be left with a void.

It occurred to me to start thinking "as if" I had gone through with the breakup and to start building the kind of life I would like to have.

If your heart is telling you that your relationship is eventually going to end, start thinking/planning now about what life will be like "after" the separation. All those financial and other things that involve him will change. Are you ready for the change?

Take care,
EyesOpen