My Mom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2
My Mom
So I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with people being sent away for their alcohol problems?
I'm a teenager. My mom has been an alcoholic for a while, drinking almost every day for the past 4+ years. She just can't stop. She will drink beer every day no matter how good or bad it was. She has taken a couple mirrors off the cars because she was intoxicated and driving. Thats what scares me the most. When im not around and shes drunk. When shes drunk, she usually starts a "fight" with everyone, she will bring up stuff, curse at everyone, hit me and my brother (but we are bigger than her), and say mean things about us. She will take her keys, or the keys to my brother and my car and try to leave the house intoxicated. We have to stop her and keep a constant eye on her all the time. She goes crazy when we don't let her drive intoxicated. My family and I have even threatened to call the police on her if she drives while intoxicated because shes harming everyone on the road. Shes gone to about every program she can get into in the area. Sometimes I begin to think its her therapist, me and my brother think that she doesn't get any help at all from her therapist. Her therapist doesn't really know all that goes on all day and doesn't see her drunk all the time or how she acts. She has just said the same things over and over to my mom for the past years.
Earlier this year she tried to commit suicide. She obviously drunk. She took a ton of pills but then called my dad and confessed, who then called the ambulance. My brother, dad, and I were all certain that this was the end of it, that she this would stop her from drinking once and for all. We were wrong, a few days later she was back at it. We have even had to skip family birthday parties because we were too embarrassed to be around her because she had been drinking.
I've gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I don't know why, but honestly deep down if she were to pass away it wouldn't be any different around our house. When she tried to commit suicide, me and my brother didn't feel any different, we didn't cry and we didn't really feel sad. I know it sounds really mean, but I don't even remember having a mother for the past years of my life, shes like a stranger when shes drunk. My dad works all day and she doesn't. She wastes a ton of money on alcohol and me and my brother have basically learned to be more independent because my dad can't be home all day. I don't want something that I don't have much control of to get in the way of my life and school. I rarely even have friends to our house anymore because I am so embarrassed.
Today my dad took her to the hospital. He said she shes going to stay in a place a couple of states over until she can fix her problem. We agreed this is was the last chance we are going to give her. My dad enjoys my mom, he thinks shes a fun person when shes not intoxicated. Me and my brother think the same thing. The problem is, shes only sober like 10% of the time it seems like. I could probably keep going on for like 100 pages of stuff, but I was just here to ask if anyone has any experience with family or close friends going away for weeks or months into a program? and if they actually work. For her, none of the stuff that they say said would "work" actually worked.
I'm a teenager. My mom has been an alcoholic for a while, drinking almost every day for the past 4+ years. She just can't stop. She will drink beer every day no matter how good or bad it was. She has taken a couple mirrors off the cars because she was intoxicated and driving. Thats what scares me the most. When im not around and shes drunk. When shes drunk, she usually starts a "fight" with everyone, she will bring up stuff, curse at everyone, hit me and my brother (but we are bigger than her), and say mean things about us. She will take her keys, or the keys to my brother and my car and try to leave the house intoxicated. We have to stop her and keep a constant eye on her all the time. She goes crazy when we don't let her drive intoxicated. My family and I have even threatened to call the police on her if she drives while intoxicated because shes harming everyone on the road. Shes gone to about every program she can get into in the area. Sometimes I begin to think its her therapist, me and my brother think that she doesn't get any help at all from her therapist. Her therapist doesn't really know all that goes on all day and doesn't see her drunk all the time or how she acts. She has just said the same things over and over to my mom for the past years.
Earlier this year she tried to commit suicide. She obviously drunk. She took a ton of pills but then called my dad and confessed, who then called the ambulance. My brother, dad, and I were all certain that this was the end of it, that she this would stop her from drinking once and for all. We were wrong, a few days later she was back at it. We have even had to skip family birthday parties because we were too embarrassed to be around her because she had been drinking.
I've gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I don't know why, but honestly deep down if she were to pass away it wouldn't be any different around our house. When she tried to commit suicide, me and my brother didn't feel any different, we didn't cry and we didn't really feel sad. I know it sounds really mean, but I don't even remember having a mother for the past years of my life, shes like a stranger when shes drunk. My dad works all day and she doesn't. She wastes a ton of money on alcohol and me and my brother have basically learned to be more independent because my dad can't be home all day. I don't want something that I don't have much control of to get in the way of my life and school. I rarely even have friends to our house anymore because I am so embarrassed.
Today my dad took her to the hospital. He said she shes going to stay in a place a couple of states over until she can fix her problem. We agreed this is was the last chance we are going to give her. My dad enjoys my mom, he thinks shes a fun person when shes not intoxicated. Me and my brother think the same thing. The problem is, shes only sober like 10% of the time it seems like. I could probably keep going on for like 100 pages of stuff, but I was just here to ask if anyone has any experience with family or close friends going away for weeks or months into a program? and if they actually work. For her, none of the stuff that they say said would "work" actually worked.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hello there,
I understand you sweetheart. I thought this letter was from my neice at first because it sounds just like her mum. You sound very grown up and your mum is so lucky to have you.
If your mum is serious, it may work but if she is being made to go it wont work, Im sorry to say. Even if she has the will, she has to really really want to get better.
Im sorry this is happening to you as its not a nice place to be in an alcoholics world. I would try and concentrate on yourself, love your brother and dad. Keep loving your mum.
I understand you sweetheart. I thought this letter was from my neice at first because it sounds just like her mum. You sound very grown up and your mum is so lucky to have you.
If your mum is serious, it may work but if she is being made to go it wont work, Im sorry to say. Even if she has the will, she has to really really want to get better.
Im sorry this is happening to you as its not a nice place to be in an alcoholics world. I would try and concentrate on yourself, love your brother and dad. Keep loving your mum.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 174
Welcome! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Your mom sounds like my ah aunt. Everything you said made me think of her. Her 2 sons have had to learn to take care of themselves at young ages too as their dad is also an alcoholic. Have you checked into counseling for your family? If you haven't or are not sure where to look call your local hospital and ask if they can recommend something. News papers also list groups sometimes in the local section. I'm sure you really havent quit caring but have instead become numb trying to watch out for yourself and brother. You do sound very mature for your age. I'm a bit new myself, but this is a great board where people are supportive but will also give you the truth of the matter. Good luck to you and your family!
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
Hmmmmm in so meny ways you are telling my story. I loved my mom sooooo much and I took care of her and put her back together when she fell apart. She started drinking before I was born but it didn't get our of hand untell I started school. She would beat my ******** brother when she was out of controle and I would stand there begging her to stop. He would be curled up on the floor crying and begging her to stop kicking him. When she was done...... I was her confidant. She would walk me to the kitchen and light up a smoke and tell me how she had to stop hitting him because some day he would hit her back. (and he did)
My mom woud run around the house and scream and cry about how she wanted to die and there were so many day I just didn't care. All I could think was, well.... at least it would be over. In our home it was devide and seporate. None of us kids got a long and we trusted no one, not even each other. Everyone went to their own room and cried in secret.
I'm not going to tell you that your mom will stop drinking because she may never stop. My mom stopped about 4 years before she died. She was in her 70's. What I am going to tell you is you and your family need to get some help for your self. Go to Alanone or something. I didn't do any of that, didn't know it was out there and by highschoold I was too ashamed to.
I have carted my moms bagage most of my life, I followed her into the bottle just so I could feel her love and when I got married..... I married an alcoholic. I am a major codependent because I learned I have to take care of every one but me. I say every day how I wish someone understood my needs and would come save me for a change but I don't know how to save me so how can anyone else???
You talked about having to be independent. Well I though I was too, I got a job at 13 and dropped school at 16. I moved out at 17 but have never realy been independent. I just found new people to take care of.
I guess I am trying to say, get help for your self now so you don't follow the path I took. I hope I don't sound like I am preaching. I just see hope for you. Hope I couldn't see for me.
D
My mom woud run around the house and scream and cry about how she wanted to die and there were so many day I just didn't care. All I could think was, well.... at least it would be over. In our home it was devide and seporate. None of us kids got a long and we trusted no one, not even each other. Everyone went to their own room and cried in secret.
I'm not going to tell you that your mom will stop drinking because she may never stop. My mom stopped about 4 years before she died. She was in her 70's. What I am going to tell you is you and your family need to get some help for your self. Go to Alanone or something. I didn't do any of that, didn't know it was out there and by highschoold I was too ashamed to.
I have carted my moms bagage most of my life, I followed her into the bottle just so I could feel her love and when I got married..... I married an alcoholic. I am a major codependent because I learned I have to take care of every one but me. I say every day how I wish someone understood my needs and would come save me for a change but I don't know how to save me so how can anyone else???
You talked about having to be independent. Well I though I was too, I got a job at 13 and dropped school at 16. I moved out at 17 but have never realy been independent. I just found new people to take care of.
I guess I am trying to say, get help for your self now so you don't follow the path I took. I hope I don't sound like I am preaching. I just see hope for you. Hope I couldn't see for me.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 157
((((((evh)))))))
I am so sorry you have to go threw this (((((hug))))))). The drama of dealing with an alcoholic parent is such a serious thing that can really effect you in your future if you don't handle it the way. It can affect the relationships you create later in life.
My mom drank red wine every single night, for about 2 years. During my high school years...a time I needed my mom the most(I have no dad, a distant brother, and no other family), ....she was in the house, but never EVER "there" for me the way ANY child/teen needs ... so I had to grow up fast just like you. I took it to heart though. her zero affection, care or concern. All she did was criticized me. She would start arguments with me while I was studying for exams….and when I would trying and ignore or stop the argument she would say “your talking back to me! Leave my house right now!” and id be studying!!! This is how it went on EVERY SINGLE TIME. It became the evening routine.
She quit on her own. I think its been 2 years now since she quit. But that all didn’t matter. The damage was done. My mom doesn’t know me, she probably never will, and I don’t know her. We live in the same house but we don’t speak. I hate her. She is pretty much my land lord; I give her my rent money and stay out of her way. I have so much resentment for that lady. All because of her drinking.
I really can’t give you any solid advice because I am still struggling with the after math of my mom’s drinking. But I can certainly relate. You are not alone on this one. And by hanging around and reading/posting on this site you will get the advice and support you need to get through this hard time. Try and take care of your brother… he’ll need that support too. And try your hardest to take care of you!
I am so sorry you have to go threw this (((((hug))))))). The drama of dealing with an alcoholic parent is such a serious thing that can really effect you in your future if you don't handle it the way. It can affect the relationships you create later in life.
My mom drank red wine every single night, for about 2 years. During my high school years...a time I needed my mom the most(I have no dad, a distant brother, and no other family), ....she was in the house, but never EVER "there" for me the way ANY child/teen needs ... so I had to grow up fast just like you. I took it to heart though. her zero affection, care or concern. All she did was criticized me. She would start arguments with me while I was studying for exams….and when I would trying and ignore or stop the argument she would say “your talking back to me! Leave my house right now!” and id be studying!!! This is how it went on EVERY SINGLE TIME. It became the evening routine.
She quit on her own. I think its been 2 years now since she quit. But that all didn’t matter. The damage was done. My mom doesn’t know me, she probably never will, and I don’t know her. We live in the same house but we don’t speak. I hate her. She is pretty much my land lord; I give her my rent money and stay out of her way. I have so much resentment for that lady. All because of her drinking.
I really can’t give you any solid advice because I am still struggling with the after math of my mom’s drinking. But I can certainly relate. You are not alone on this one. And by hanging around and reading/posting on this site you will get the advice and support you need to get through this hard time. Try and take care of your brother… he’ll need that support too. And try your hardest to take care of you!
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
glad you found us, evh. my daughter is a young adult and she is an addict/alcoholic in early recovery. she struggles with some relapses, and is hard to live with. my husband and i go to alanon and we also get private counseling.
maybe you can get so some face to face alanon meetings in your community?
you'll find a lot of folks there, as well as here at sr, that have many of the same fears and concerns you have. believe me - you are not alone.
blessings, k
maybe you can get so some face to face alanon meetings in your community?
you'll find a lot of folks there, as well as here at sr, that have many of the same fears and concerns you have. believe me - you are not alone.
blessings, k
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((evh))
I am so very glad that you posted your story here - What a very brave young person you are!! It is tough to break those bonds of silence and reach out for help.
In case no one has ever told you, please know that:
You didn't cause her drinking
You can't control her drinking
You can't cure her drinking
The drinking and things she does while drinking is NOT about you. Please know that.
There is a wonderful recovery group - Alateen & Al-Anon that has wonderful support for people who have been affect by another person's drinking. Please see if there are meetings that you, your brother & even your Dad can attend. From my experience it will help all of you, regardless of the situation with your Mom.
Please keep hanging around here - reaching out for help - this is how we are learning to heal ourselves from the way we have been affected by this disease of alcoholism.
Keep coming back - Don't give up before the miracles happen in You - You deserve them.
Rita
I am so very glad that you posted your story here - What a very brave young person you are!! It is tough to break those bonds of silence and reach out for help.
In case no one has ever told you, please know that:
You didn't cause her drinking
You can't control her drinking
You can't cure her drinking
The drinking and things she does while drinking is NOT about you. Please know that.
There is a wonderful recovery group - Alateen & Al-Anon that has wonderful support for people who have been affect by another person's drinking. Please see if there are meetings that you, your brother & even your Dad can attend. From my experience it will help all of you, regardless of the situation with your Mom.
Please keep hanging around here - reaching out for help - this is how we are learning to heal ourselves from the way we have been affected by this disease of alcoholism.
Keep coming back - Don't give up before the miracles happen in You - You deserve them.
Rita
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
evh,
I forgot to mention that I forgave my mom years ago. In my 20's I did a lot of reading on (adult children of alcoholics) I also reached out and found out a lot about who she was and what she went through as a kid. (some major bad stuff) I also have the insite from my own drinking. It's amazing how you can put everything that you love aside for that damn drink.
I learned to look at what happened to me as a kid and how that kid felt and see it as the adult I am now and with the information I know about her past. It helped. I don't know if I would have servived what she went through.
For all the bad things that happened due to her drinking there were some amazing things she did in her life. At her funeral several of my older cousins got up and talked about how when there was no food to eat in their homse, my mom would feed them or provide them with food. Alcohole runs in the family and before my mom got out of hand..... she was there for my cousins when her sisters wern't. She even took one sisters youngest son for several months and wanted to adopt him. In the end my other aunt called the state and he and his brother wer adopted out because their mother would disapear for weeks at a time on drinking benges.
Just remember you are never alone.
Hugs
D
I forgot to mention that I forgave my mom years ago. In my 20's I did a lot of reading on (adult children of alcoholics) I also reached out and found out a lot about who she was and what she went through as a kid. (some major bad stuff) I also have the insite from my own drinking. It's amazing how you can put everything that you love aside for that damn drink.
I learned to look at what happened to me as a kid and how that kid felt and see it as the adult I am now and with the information I know about her past. It helped. I don't know if I would have servived what she went through.
For all the bad things that happened due to her drinking there were some amazing things she did in her life. At her funeral several of my older cousins got up and talked about how when there was no food to eat in their homse, my mom would feed them or provide them with food. Alcohole runs in the family and before my mom got out of hand..... she was there for my cousins when her sisters wern't. She even took one sisters youngest son for several months and wanted to adopt him. In the end my other aunt called the state and he and his brother wer adopted out because their mother would disapear for weeks at a time on drinking benges.
Just remember you are never alone.
Hugs
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 47
Hi, evh. I am not really in a place to give you advices, but just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. It is emotionally draining and painful to see your loved one falling apart. My ex went to rehabs, hospitals, etc numerous times. He was also involuntarily sent away to a long term rehab/hospital for more than a year. All I can say is that it worked for a little while and then he relapsed and ended up where he was before again. You see, my ex was not proactive about his recovery after leaving rehabs. I am starting to realize that nothing I can do is effective unless the person him/herself is truly willing to work on recovery. Please take care of yourself. I hope you will stick around, I am a newbie myself here. There are a lot of people who are understanding and supportive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2
Thanks for everyones responses. Until I read these posts I've always thought I was the only one who had these problems. No one that I know around here had issues like mine.
It ends up that shes not going to go away for a while. I don't know why, but I think she chose not to. I guess we will see what happens and go from there.
It ends up that shes not going to go away for a while. I don't know why, but I think she chose not to. I guess we will see what happens and go from there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
evh..............welcome! Sorry you are having all these problems, but glad you found us and posted here! That is a great first step. I hope you will stick around with us; it really helps me.
Maybe you and your dad and brother can find an meeting close by,too.
Glad you are here!
Sending you a Mom's hug!
Maybe you and your dad and brother can find an meeting close by,too.
Glad you are here!
Sending you a Mom's hug!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR evh! So sorry that you are going through this. Glad you are here you are not alone....read some stickies at the top of the forum page.
Hang around there is tons of support here!
Hang around there is tons of support here!
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
I know.... I talk too much. You said no one else around where you are is having this issue. Guess what. I thought the same thing growing up and then years later found out my mom was out all day drinking with some of the other kids moms. I was so afraid they would fined out my mom was a drunk and here their mom was her drinking buddy.
Sending you lots of hugs.
D
Sending you lots of hugs.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
evh....I am a Dad with two teenage boys going through a similar situation. Their Mom now lives outside the house and is working on her recovery....but the boys starting attending counseling and it has been the difference maker! If you can get your Dad to take you to Al-anon or a counselor it would really help. The only advice I will give you is that YOU matter! Your feelings matter and your wants and needs matter! Your Mom's disease has affected YOU and that is what is important to understand and take the steps for you to deal with your feelings, wants and needs. You can only control YOU and unfortunately can't "help" your Mom until she helps herself. When you get to the point where you can feel confident that you control your situation you will be in a better place.
Good luck and continue to post!
Good luck and continue to post!
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I am 52. I went through pretty much the same thing with my mother when I was 17. It was a nightmare. To make a very long story short, she drank for 10 years, then after she had lost almost everything, she checked into a rehab, came out clean and never drank again.
It really is up to the alcoholic to get help.
What concerns me is when they drive a car. We should by all means hide the keys if necessary and let them rant about it.
Hang in ther evh, and get yourself into an alanon meeting as soon as you can. There, you will find tremendous support, friendship and resources.
It really is up to the alcoholic to get help.
What concerns me is when they drive a car. We should by all means hide the keys if necessary and let them rant about it.
Hang in ther evh, and get yourself into an alanon meeting as soon as you can. There, you will find tremendous support, friendship and resources.
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