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Has anyone had an A "return"?

Old 08-10-2007, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by cagefree View Post
After recovery, I doubt codies and alkies alike are ever the same again. A good thing IMHO

I think that if people grow together they remain together. If one grows and the other doesn't, or if they find they cannot grow inside the relationship, that is when they go separate ways.

Just my 2 cents

I love your "2 cents" Cage this is exactly how i feel on this ...too! I truly believe this 100%
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Old 08-10-2007, 04:30 PM
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I don't see how an A could go into recovery and then return and be the person you had married.
No, I don't think so either -- s/he would have to be a more aware, mature, and committed person than the one you married.
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Old 08-10-2007, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
No, I don't think so either -- s/he would have to be a more aware, mature, and committed person than the one you married.
I really hope I've made some progress in those areas in the last 2 1/2 years!
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Old 08-10-2007, 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Astro View Post
I'm not sure I'd want anyone to put up with my alcoholic nonsense for 18 years, to hell and back as you shared.
I am sure.
With who I have "become" after finding a solid recovery and if I knew then what I know now... I would have walked away and never married to save my wife from going through all that I put her through.
But as the saying goes... till I knew better...

Once making it into recovery and being able to see who she is and what she put up with sure makes me all the more grateful and so blessed that she is a loving and forgiving wife.

As far as becoming who I was before the drinking...
I was never that person.
What I hope is that I have become or am becoming the person she thought me to be when we first married.
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:01 PM
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I was one of a lucky few who's partner found a path to recovery. I can't say that he "returned" to the man whom I fell in love with because in many ways, that man never left me. Richard was a quiet, gentle, and compassionate man who cared deeply for those he loved. He was faithful, trustworthy, and kind. Alcohol may have robbed him of his health and eventually his life, and it may have robbed me of my life partner, but it couldn't steal his heart. Even when he was falling down drunk and having difficulty functioning he was still a lovely man and worthy of love.

Richard did find a path to recovery and was able to stay sober for 8 months. I'd tell you that I fell in love with him all over again during that time, but the truth is try as I might, I simply could not fall out of love with him. I cherish those sober months we spent together and I know he did, too. We didn't do anything extraordinarily special during that time, we simply resumed our daily lives, free from the effects of alcoholism.

We lived in separate homes, but we spent weekends together. Every Saturday we'd go out to breakfast together. We'd ask for a table by the fireplace and sip coffee and enjoy pancakes or eggs and bacon and fill each other in on what happened during the week. Then we'd take the scenic way home, along winding country roads, and take in the beauty of nature. We'd comment on the green pastures, the cows grazing in the field, the corn reaching out towards the sun, spectacular blue skies.

When we got home, we'd take a nap together, then do our chores, watch a little TV, or read. Every once in a while, he'd reach out and take my hand in his, give it a little squeeze and tell me he loved me. Or I'd walk by him in the kitchen and he'd grab me, wrap his arms around me, and kiss me gently. When he'd let his lips linger there for just a second or two longer, my heart would melt.

Richard's health was failing and I knew we were on borrowed time, but I can honestly say that the 8 months we spent together was the best time of our relationship. And while it was only a temporary reprieve and he resumed drinking, I still think of that time we were able to spend together as a gift from God. It gave me an opportunity to say goodbye and tell him that I love him for the millionth time.

And now that he's gone I realize that, although alcoholism may be a powerful and cunning disease, it was not powerful enough to steal his heart. Sometimes when we pray for a miracle, it may come in a temporary form, but it's a miracle nonetheless.

Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:16 PM
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FD, i'm always in tears after reading your posts.
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Old 08-10-2007, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by cagefree View Post
After recovery, I doubt codies and alkies alike are ever the same again. A good thing IMHO

I think that if people grow together they remain together. If one grows and the other doesn't, or if they find they cannot grow inside the relationship, that is when they go separate ways.

Just my 2 cents

I am struggling a little tonight because I have embraced AA and my recovery and my wife is having a difficult time. I know this will take time and I am willing to let go and let god work in this area of my recovery.

To be honest one of my biggest areas of concern is that Her drinking seems to be at or above the level when I went into recovery, and I'm not really sure how to deal with it. I'm not sure that she is and A, but it sure seems to be an important part of her life.

They told us more than a few times during rehab that couples either grow together or grow apart during recovery. I pray that God can help us to grow together. Thank you for time and support.
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Old 08-10-2007, 10:27 PM
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Satchel, I think its great that you want to grow together with your wife in recovery. I hope that your "HP" will answer your prayers. I have found recovery for myself in Al-Anon and my ex-rabf has found his in AA but wishes to not even be friends with me.
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Old 08-11-2007, 06:15 AM
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And now that he's gone I realize that, although alcoholism may be a powerful and cunning disease, it was not powerful enough to steal his heart.

================================================== ======



It stole his life and that includes the heart, unfortunately and tragically.
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Old 08-11-2007, 11:56 PM
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Lovely post!
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Old 08-13-2007, 09:27 AM
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FD, thank you for sharing those beautiful thoughts. I know you're grateful for the miracle and the memories. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes, and made me think of the weekend I just spent with my children and GF. I'll cherish the past two days forever, and hopefully share many more in the future.

Satchel, prayers going out to you and your wife.
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Old 08-13-2007, 10:37 AM
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Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
My wife went to a bachelorette party on Saturday night and I've got this funny feeling that she might have blurred that line that married people should not blur. We are separated at the time, so, I am guessing that she wanted to see how she was received by the outside world?

I know I need to focus on me and my recovery, and for the most part I am. I am concerned for her well being and the impact her actions could have on our children. Please help me in doing what I know my HP sees best for me - which is to take care of me first and my kids. Recovery is an amazing thing - but S*** it can be tough. I pray for her to find what I am finding.

Thank you, again. This is a wonderful support system.
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Old 08-13-2007, 10:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Satchel View Post
Please help me in doing what I know my HP sees best for me - which is to take care of me first and my kids.

Thank you, again. This is a wonderful support system.
Have trust and faith, your HP will give you the strength you need to take care of your children. My HP gave me the gift of sobriety, so that I can be the father my children deserve to have.

THANK YOU! We need newcomers to recovery to share our ES&H with. Gotta give it away to keep it;-)
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