Pencil Pusher

Well hello to all, it has been a while! I have done what so many of us codies do, part of what defines us. I have had a relapse and gone back and forth with the STBXAAH. I am back out in the light now, and glad to start seeing things clearly again. Finally reading Codependent No More- WOW Love it! Only thing is, I have discovered I am pregnant by the AAH! Aaaahhh! I am so embarrassed, it is really tough to tell people, everyone supported me so much in leaving and now I am stuck to him for another 18 years! (Not married-stuck, but parenting stuck!) I just think people are going to consider me stupid, uneducated white trash. Do you guys have any suggestions for how I can explain this to people in a short and sweet way, that sheds the best light on it without making me look like a stupid and loose Mom?

PS I all ready have a 12 year old with him, and chose not to have more with him all these years, because of all the problems. I thought I'd only have to deal with him for 6 more, until this. Any thoughts, wisdom or advice I am open to.

ICU

OK, so maybe it's not the best timing, but, this wonderful little child-to-be is a gift and is deserving of love and respect, just as you are! Any negative comment by others is a reflection of themselves, not you.

I really see no need to explain anything to anyone regarding 'your' business. But, in the event you feel you must say something, I've always found this line to be useful when dealing with 'rude people'..."If you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking"! It shuts them up real quick.

Oh, I almost forgot...welcome back!!

CBrown

Sure I understand. People who do not have an A as a AH or ABF will not understand, but I sure do. Heck, there are times when I kinda thought it would be great to have a child with my ABF. I'm obviously crazy! But you are expecting, and at least to me, any birth is a joyous event! Congratulations!

parentrecovers

good to see you back, pencil. and congrats on your baby. no judging here, just support and understanding. how far along are you? blessings, k

nmt51605

Congrats
Keep Your Head Up Dont Let Anyone Make You Feel Ashamed Of Your Baby

Rella927

Sorry you are going through this and welcome back!

I have to agree with what has been said above-having a child is a beautiful miracle-do not allow anyone to say otherwise to you. It is not anyone's business and you owe nothing to them.

I cannot agree more with the negative comments that spew out of people's mouths it is a reflection of them, not you! So remember that! That was a hard one for me to grasp hold of but I did!

Just take care of you-

Astro

Congrats! Be proud, excited, and happy. Every child deserves a loving parent.

I have two beautiful children from a previous marriage that I destroyed with alcoholism, and I remind myself daily that we loved each other through many seasons and for many reasons, but it wasn't meant to last forever.

guineapigjude

Hi ya Pencil ~ I've missed you!
No one , on or off SR, has the right to judge you. When you're living in it, sometimes you do things you don't need to explain to anyone else. If I had a dime for every time I've heard someone tell me what I "should have done", I'd be right up there with Trump! We do the best we can, when we can.
Another thing people don't seem to get is that we could still love our A's. They seem to think we'll just automatically hate them. Maybe thats true in some cases, but I know from first hand experience it's mighty hard to let go of what we dreamed we had, and mighty easy to slip back into the dream.
Congrats on the baby! You have something new to focus on now, your future with the new baby. Keep coming here and keep taking those little steps.
Sending a big hug and lots of prayers!

Pencil Pusher

Thanks everyone for your support! You al have given me great comfort today.

I will be a great Mom to this little one just like I have with my other child. I just thought that if I was to have children again, it would be with a father who was dedicated and passionate about being a great Dad! I am disappointed that I am unable to provide that.

I think I am about 8 weeks now, due March 25. It will be a long and lonely winter, so I appreciate you all being here.

guineapigjude

Hey Pencil, he's the one not providing the Great Dad services. You can't control that. Remember, you are the awesome mom!

cagefree

Congrats pencil! For the next 18 years you'll be thanking yourself for making the right decisions to leave, watching your beautiful child grow up strong, healthy and happy under your loving care and non-codie ways

No explanations needed - you were trying to work it out and it didn't work out. If anyone has a problem with it, offer to hold up a magnifying glass to their life and see how fast they decline the offer.

Pencil Pusher

I like that magnifying glass idea- funny! Thanks!