How to get adult son into wilderness program
 

Hi. I'm new to this site.

Our college-age son is clearly an alcoholic, probably addicted to other stuff, we don't know. Because of the accursed FERSA laws about confidentiality it took us most of a year to figure this out for sure. He'll be 22 next month. He has been kicked out of his dorm and must come home within 10 days (or do God knows what...)

He has been put on forced medical leave from his college, and the psychiatrist we paid for him to see (in order to try to figure out what was happening) has advised us to give him an impossible ultimatum: If you want to come home get a job within 2-3 days, submit to drug testing etc. etc., allow us to enroll you in a wilderness rehab program, or walk.

This sounds like fairly good advice. We are inclined to take it. (Our daughter has been turned around by a similar program, but she was younger.) But how can you get an adult "child" to go to such a program? Any advice, anyone?

I know I may sound heartless but I also believe in tough love. Any advice welcome.

First off, if there are any wilderness rehab programs, they are gonna be very expensive. Second, your son would have to agree to go and agree to stay. He is an adult and has the right to live his life well or screw it up. There are all sorts of treatment programs/rehab options out there.

Those wilderness/bootcamp programs can indeed be very effective. We sent one of our sons to one when he was 14 for a year and it made a world of difference. He is now a healthy, productive college student of 18. But that program cost over $50,000 and insurance did not pay a penny of it. Most of those programs can't keep the kids beyond 18 unless it is court ordered.

You can't really force him to do anything.
It's his move.

Well, you can force him to do one thing: leave your home if he doesn't comply immediately. That's called setting a boundary. Now, here's the hard part: you must be willing to follow through with your threat if he fails to secure a job, submit to drug testing, and enter a rehab program. If you're not willing to do that, then things will just continue at status quo.

Have you and your wife attended any Alanon meetings? They will be quite helpful to you. I'm sorry for your pain and good luck.

Welcome to SR, devilmaycry. This post is an old one from back in 2007. You might want to start a new thread introducing yourself. We are here to support you.