Ragazza Miele

I'll take any and all advice for consideration. It's a long & complicated situation, I'll try to be gentle and sane. I have an alcoholic husband and we both smoked weed for years. Eventually he got worse, it was like living with an empty person. He didn't argue, or abuse, just didn't have any gusto for life or me, rarely had anything to speak out of his mouth. No passion for anything. But he was functional, he made it to work and to bed every night. Drinking & smoking became his everyday performance, until he went to bed at 7:30 every nite and then I sat up....alone..... every nite. I begged him thru the years to stop drinking. Begged & begged until I got tired of myself begging. Eventually I began detaching myself from his non-self, although I was not educated yet that that was exactly what I was doing. I found myself getting too close to a male co-worker/friend, also in an unhappy marriage. One thing lead to another, and now I had complicated our problems. I fell in love with this fellow, or at least I think I did. Then my AH & this other guy's wife found out. AH and I immediately separated. Me & the guy continued seeing each other secretly because his wife bought every story he told her. (and apparently so did I). In the four months that my AH has been out of the house, in recovery mind you, clean 5 months now, I have finally come to my senses about this "other" guy, thru therapy and sporatic Al-Anon over my AH. My husband has other issues he dealing with also, manic depression, sobering up and splitting up from me, his wife of 24 years. He's not doing so well, but at least he's not drinking. Well in that four months I've only drank maybe 3 times. Not a regular drinker by no means, but when I drink, it's not good. I've done some pretty stupid things on all three occasions. My therapist has had me going to Al-Anon because of the long life of living with an AH, but now she says maybe I should be going to AA. Maybe not an alcoholic, but defintely should not drink. I guess my question is, do I need to do both, or can I just go to AA and still help myself? I have only begun coming into my own mind again over this other idiot guy and am feeling the enormity of what I have caused beyond just AH's drinking. I don't know what way to turn. I've worked hard on getting past the codie stuff, but I guess I was just affixing it to this other guy instead. I'm a mess. I've been in therapy since March over all of this and other than just now beginning to feel like myself again, I'm so confused. I obviously shouldn't drink or I'm just going to make a big problem bigger. But AA, Al-Anon or both? Thanks for listening...........

Astro

I'm an alcoholic, I attend AA, Al-Anon, and CoDA meetings. My simple answer to your question is this: The more I know the better, there's no such thing as being too informed about alcoholism and other addictions. AA has shown me how to achieve and maintain my sobriety, Al-Anon has shown me how my actions have affected everyone in my life, and CoDA is showing me how to live in recovery and have relationships in a healthy fashion.

splendra

Why not try both and see what happens....keep posting too...

denny57

I was so messed up I went everywhere and tried everything recovery-wise :-)

keep posting!

vinnie

I have also been told to go to both. I am a weekend drinker and do stupid things too but that for some reason has not gotten out of control yet, where as the co-dependency has reached its low for me.

I guess whatever you think is more severe right now i would concentrate on

fluffyflea

Try both it can't hurt.

Earthworm

Wascally Wabbit

I use everything I can. Meetings, calling other members, SR. It all helps.

Pick-a-name

For the "price" of going to both.....what do you have to lose? Why not try both for awhile and see what you think? Seems like it could only help!


Good luck. Hope you stick around here with us,too!